Chapter Three, Fixing Vincent
As a juror, Meg Tartaglia is reminded of her son, Vincent.29 total reviews
Comment from 24chas
This was so well written, Rachelle. You really have the gift of getting the reader into the story and leading us along. I'm afraid Meg is going to struggle with this case due to her past experiences. Great job.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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This was so well written, Rachelle. You really have the gift of getting the reader into the story and leading us along. I'm afraid Meg is going to struggle with this case due to her past experiences. Great job.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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You are very right, 24chas. Thanks for the understanding review. xo
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent chapter about Tommy and his court appearance. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next chapter of your book. Thanks for sharing this interesting look into a young man's life that hopefully turned around after this serious warning.
Bill
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Excellent chapter about Tommy and his court appearance. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next chapter of your book. Thanks for sharing this interesting look into a young man's life that hopefully turned around after this serious warning.
Bill
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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I really appreciate this review, Bill. Thank you for this helpful feedback. xo
Comment from Colin John
Hello Rachelle another compelling chapter extremely well written about how she deals with his death . Just a brilliant write and thanks for sharing this . Kind regards Colin
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Hello Rachelle another compelling chapter extremely well written about how she deals with his death . Just a brilliant write and thanks for sharing this . Kind regards Colin
Comment Written 18-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2019
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Thank you for such a resounding review, Colin. I appreciate it very much. xo
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow! Such wonderful description. I felt like I was there with Meg watching and listening to both sides, being moved by each. Finally, The defense convinced me, and the judge, that Tommy was not the attacker and thief, but his friend was the guilty one. This is superb writing. You have real talent! :)
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Wow! Such wonderful description. I felt like I was there with Meg watching and listening to both sides, being moved by each. Finally, The defense convinced me, and the judge, that Tommy was not the attacker and thief, but his friend was the guilty one. This is superb writing. You have real talent! :)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Oh, you sweet-talkin' reviewer, you!!
Thanks for this really nice feedback, Phyllis. xo
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I like this chapter Rachelle. Meg has been called to jury duty and is having a bit of trouble focusing. She seems to be fading in and out of reality. She sees the Donnelly lad and is lapsing back in time when her Vincent was in trouble. I like how you've merged and intertwined these two events together. This was exciting, clever, and well thought out. I love what you've presented here and eagerly look forward to the next installment. Great job and well done!
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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I like this chapter Rachelle. Meg has been called to jury duty and is having a bit of trouble focusing. She seems to be fading in and out of reality. She sees the Donnelly lad and is lapsing back in time when her Vincent was in trouble. I like how you've merged and intertwined these two events together. This was exciting, clever, and well thought out. I love what you've presented here and eagerly look forward to the next installment. Great job and well done!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Jeffrey. You totally understand every bit of this! xo
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Okay, so...unconfuse the blonde: you've got this one titled "Chapter Three" yet it is entered in the Chapter Two contest...? And I checked your portfolio to be sure I didn't miss anything between the original Chapt1 and this one (which I didn't) ..... soooo..help? :) ;) This was a great addition and forgive the corrections I started below...I remembered you said you had someone helping you and stopped! :) ;) Great set-up and insight to show the REAL reason we are judged by a jury of our peers and NOT by those sitting on the bench or making the laws... :) ;) Thanx for sharing, Beautiful Friend -- just wonderful! :) ;)
announces. "The Honorable --> announces, "The Honorable
home. Around the Wongs' --> home, around the Wongs'
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Okay, so...unconfuse the blonde: you've got this one titled "Chapter Three" yet it is entered in the Chapter Two contest...? And I checked your portfolio to be sure I didn't miss anything between the original Chapt1 and this one (which I didn't) ..... soooo..help? :) ;) This was a great addition and forgive the corrections I started below...I remembered you said you had someone helping you and stopped! :) ;) Great set-up and insight to show the REAL reason we are judged by a jury of our peers and NOT by those sitting on the bench or making the laws... :) ;) Thanx for sharing, Beautiful Friend -- just wonderful! :) ;)
announces. "The Honorable --> announces, "The Honorable
home. Around the Wongs' --> home, around the Wongs'
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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The contest also said, "or any chapter," so, since Chapter two was short and mostly about Meg getting selected for Jury Duty, I skipped ahead.
You're more than welcome to edit anything I write, any time. I welcome your input and experienced-writer eyes!!! xo
Comment from susand3022
Rachelle?... why do I feel a serial killer in the works??? I'm sitting here and I'm really creeped out... This is going to be a really good story. I'm looking forward to the rest of the trial! :)
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Rachelle?... why do I feel a serial killer in the works??? I'm sitting here and I'm really creeped out... This is going to be a really good story. I'm looking forward to the rest of the trial! :)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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Well, relax on that score, Susan. No serial killer!!
Thanks for the review, my friend. xo
Comment from A. Willow Bends
You are laying down a great foundation here. The dialogue is very realistic and the vocabulary, of course, what I usually see from all your work, a notch above the general population on FanStory. I really had to read through this quickly, but you place the reader IN the setting, IN the courtroom and I think it takes a very talented writer to be able to do that.
Keep up the great work on this one! Do you ever sleep?
Wendy
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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You are laying down a great foundation here. The dialogue is very realistic and the vocabulary, of course, what I usually see from all your work, a notch above the general population on FanStory. I really had to read through this quickly, but you place the reader IN the setting, IN the courtroom and I think it takes a very talented writer to be able to do that.
Keep up the great work on this one! Do you ever sleep?
Wendy
Comment Written 17-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
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I'm a four-hour-a-night sleeper, same as my husband. We're high octane souls, he and I. You know what my mother would have said: we saved two other marriages!!! lol
Thanks for the really great review, Wendy. I always appreciate your feedback. xo
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hey Rachelle: Your writing of this chapter is like a narrative of reality. The detail that made up the prosecutor's case was amazing to me. As I was reading it the thought struck me that your words are a narrative of a reality. It was like reading a transcript because of it's detail. I am impressed that you can maintain a line of logic and detail and keep the story as the center. Two other phrases that really caught my attention were, "Mr. Clean doppelganger" and the descriptions of the "crown moldings" and the 12 foot ceilings. The details were not for the sake of the details but for setting the majesty of the courtroom. I don't know how to do that but I recognize it when I see it. Excellent work. -Robert-
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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Hey Rachelle: Your writing of this chapter is like a narrative of reality. The detail that made up the prosecutor's case was amazing to me. As I was reading it the thought struck me that your words are a narrative of a reality. It was like reading a transcript because of it's detail. I am impressed that you can maintain a line of logic and detail and keep the story as the center. Two other phrases that really caught my attention were, "Mr. Clean doppelganger" and the descriptions of the "crown moldings" and the 12 foot ceilings. The details were not for the sake of the details but for setting the majesty of the courtroom. I don't know how to do that but I recognize it when I see it. Excellent work. -Robert-
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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What a wonderful review this is to read, Robert. Thank you for noticing and commenting all of that went in to creating this chapter. I can't tell you how I appreciate it. xo
Comment from Carla Trinklein
Vincent and Tommy's stories are becoming interwoven to Meg, and so the plot thickens. I suspect she's going to have trouble separating her son's past from Tommy's present, and Tommy is sensing that in Meg he might have a sympathetic juror. Well done...I'm getting a clear sense of Meg's conflict and how her past is going influence her thought processes and cause a considerable amount of inward turmoil.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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Vincent and Tommy's stories are becoming interwoven to Meg, and so the plot thickens. I suspect she's going to have trouble separating her son's past from Tommy's present, and Tommy is sensing that in Meg he might have a sympathetic juror. Well done...I'm getting a clear sense of Meg's conflict and how her past is going influence her thought processes and cause a considerable amount of inward turmoil.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
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You TOTALLY get it, Carla! Thank you for that. It means this plot is developing for my reader the way I intended. Thank you for this really encouraging review. xo
