When The Reaper Dies
Merging of humans and machines5 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Some nice world building here, although a little heavy on the exposition which is more suited to perhaps a prologue for this kind of thing.
Then came the efforts thru robotics - I always feel it's better to spell out the word in its entirety. through.
that should be feared, but the total dominance of robotic A.I. - there should probably be a full stop / period on the end here to close the sentence.
Parts of this reminded me of the Stephen King story 'The Lawnmower Man' and 'Tron'.
The "A.R.I." or (Artificial Roving Intellect) would be the greatest weapon on earth. - if it's the human soul, it wouldn't be artificial would it?
I liked the development into the second half of the piece, but the first half is very passive.
I can see the development potential in this.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Hi there,
Some nice world building here, although a little heavy on the exposition which is more suited to perhaps a prologue for this kind of thing.
Then came the efforts thru robotics - I always feel it's better to spell out the word in its entirety. through.
that should be feared, but the total dominance of robotic A.I. - there should probably be a full stop / period on the end here to close the sentence.
Parts of this reminded me of the Stephen King story 'The Lawnmower Man' and 'Tron'.
The "A.R.I." or (Artificial Roving Intellect) would be the greatest weapon on earth. - if it's the human soul, it wouldn't be artificial would it?
I liked the development into the second half of the piece, but the first half is very passive.
I can see the development potential in this.
All the best
G
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your kind review. I had a word limit for this chapter due to the contest, so a lot of editing had to be done. If I continue with the story, the movie "Tron" will be brought up, as will the use of Artificial in Artificial Roving Intellect. Adjustments were made because of the 500 word limit. I like the idea of continuing with this story. We will see.
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Cool
Comment from Y. M. Roger
This is a very cool and intriguing first chapter, Mr. Green -- you've opened an entire new 'world' of existence! ;) ;) I've noted some catches below... :) I do look forward to perhaps reading more in the near future -- best of luck at the polls! ;) :)
science, they called --> science - they called OR science: they called
discontinued..., they were wrong. --> discontinued... [new paragraph] They were wrong.
thru robotics --> through robotics
in Nano-seconds, without --> in nanoseconds without
think, and remember, and --> think and remember and
thought, and move --> thought and move
touch, only --> touch - only
sane, in this --> sane in this
warfare. I know there are more A.R.I.'s coming? --> warfare? I know there are more A.R.I.'s coming.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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This is a very cool and intriguing first chapter, Mr. Green -- you've opened an entire new 'world' of existence! ;) ;) I've noted some catches below... :) I do look forward to perhaps reading more in the near future -- best of luck at the polls! ;) :)
science, they called --> science - they called OR science: they called
discontinued..., they were wrong. --> discontinued... [new paragraph] They were wrong.
thru robotics --> through robotics
in Nano-seconds, without --> in nanoseconds without
think, and remember, and --> think and remember and
thought, and move --> thought and move
touch, only --> touch - only
sane, in this --> sane in this
warfare. I know there are more A.R.I.'s coming? --> warfare? I know there are more A.R.I.'s coming.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Thank you for your kind review. I had the first chapter written out on my computer, and then I noticed there was a 500 word limit. I was about 250 words over. So I did a lot of quick editing to make the deadline. It looks like I should have spent more time proof-reading. Thank you for your comments.
Comment from poetwatch
Artificial intelligence is already on the move, from cell phone to the internet. Who is to say that what you are revealing is not already out there? We are already spied on by the cameras on our phone, on our T.Vs., the G.P.S. on our car and I read where the government wants (or did) to place a code on drivers license to know where everyone is. Your story is very compelling, a lot of truth to be written, please do not stop, Mr. Green. :) Good entry for the Create a Chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Artificial intelligence is already on the move, from cell phone to the internet. Who is to say that what you are revealing is not already out there? We are already spied on by the cameras on our phone, on our T.Vs., the G.P.S. on our car and I read where the government wants (or did) to place a code on drivers license to know where everyone is. Your story is very compelling, a lot of truth to be written, please do not stop, Mr. Green. :) Good entry for the Create a Chapter.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2019
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Thank you poetwatch. You are correct, there is a dark side to society, and that leaves so much to speculate on in our stories. You seem to be more aware of these things than the average person. It would be truly uncomfortable if we knew what we don't know.
Comment from Janilou
What an excellent chapter for the contest! I am impressed.I love the different twist on the idea of the A.I. take over of the planet. Brilliantly done. I hope you do decide to write the book.
I found no errors and you address the back story so well, keeping the reader intrigued.
All the very best in the contest. This is an excellent chapter. Hope you win!
Jan
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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What an excellent chapter for the contest! I am impressed.I love the different twist on the idea of the A.I. take over of the planet. Brilliantly done. I hope you do decide to write the book.
I found no errors and you address the back story so well, keeping the reader intrigued.
All the very best in the contest. This is an excellent chapter. Hope you win!
Jan
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Janilou, thank you very much for your kind review. I am working out different ideas for this story on my computer. I am not sure where it will go at this point.
Comment from Sandra Montanino
Regarding thoughts: Well, you certainly gave this a lot of thought. Never considered the possibility that robots would want to breed with people to capture their conscious and trap their soul. This is very imaginative. You give us food for thought.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Regarding thoughts: Well, you certainly gave this a lot of thought. Never considered the possibility that robots would want to breed with people to capture their conscious and trap their soul. This is very imaginative. You give us food for thought.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019
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Hi Sandra, thank you very much for your kind review. It is the one thing that robots and machines don't have. I normally write westerns, but I am about finished with the last book in a western trilogy, so I am considering new challenges when it's finished.
