Comment from LisaMay

Excellent

I liked your poem here very much, for its bare bones capture of individuality trying to meld, then when I read your notes beneath, well... you've written my review for me as much of what you explained is how I see the world too, and your poem has pinned it down (momentarily).

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your views on the poem and supporting it. estory

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi estory, oh, I read your notes, but I think that you've captured that tender moment when two people get together, sharing the most intimate and precious moment of their love for each other. A truly remarkable poem. Kind regards. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and for your perspective on the poem. I think this poem is about Trying to hold on to that togetherness, reaching out for it, but just falling short, as the individual is too large for the other to completely comprehend, in a spiritual sense. Hence the romantic philosophy I alluded to. estory

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

I loved your free verse poem, striped back and laid bare.
Love can be a treacherous road to travel because the needs of one sometimes just cannot be met. The bumps in the road are too many and we hit those dangerous curves with braking. Love is at its most intense when...
As if the two hearts
that beat as one
when bodies are entwined
aching and arched
could fuse together
forever.
Worthy of a six friend, alas I have no more to give out ******

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your perspective on the poem estory

Comment from djsaxon

Excellent

Beautiful and sensual. Stripped down, as it should be. It allows the reader to breathe, to think. The images are well couched. Great poignancy throughout, especially in the last stanza - DJ

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 08-Jun-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and for your encouraging comments supporting the poem. I try to keep them obtuse enough to make them approachable from as many directions as possible. estory

Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock

Excellent

You bring to the fore a very serious topic. Relationships develop when two souls recognize within each other a common thread that weaves there hearts together. It is a very sad thing to think that we invest so much of ourselves to another and then have it taken away as we are left alone after such a blissful connection. Your poem uses all the right words and portrays so much of what is happening now. Well done!

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and for all your comments supporting the poem. I don't know if there can be a perfect relationship on this Earth; there is always something just beyond our grasp, something we can't quite fit into our embrace. Such a viewpoint is inherently romantic, and I consider this a romantic poem, of sorts. estory

Comment from Tootsie55

Excellent

This was an excellent poem of expression of a loving relationship. Well done sorry no SIXES atm. One word left out I think. As if (it)might be a moment of revelation,
A pure, simple understanding
Of what is beautiful and meaningful
In the world

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I'll take a look at that spag during some more editing. estory

Comment from juliaSjames

Exceptional

An eloquent, beautiful poetic statement of yearning for what can never be, because the poet desires to extend the passion of romance beyond the moment.

It is simply written, unadorned. But this free verse flows with the power of deep emotion like the unseen current under the smooth surface of a river.

Some metaphors are remarkable, "an empty dress" ; moving "like wine" in the throes of passion.

I understand why you included author notes. But I feel this poem is like haiku. Each reader will read and respond according to personal experience.

Blessings, Julia

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019

Thanks so much for the exceptional review, again. I kind of liked that 'empty dress' image myself; one of my better ones, I think. It works on several levels, and still has that colorful pop to it. estory

Comment from Sandra Montanino

Excellent

What an impressive poem of love. I really like your line about the changing seasons, the passing days and the months and years. It's a wonderful thing to fall in love and have it last throughout a lifetime. Well done!!

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and for all your wonderful comments supporting the poem, and for sharing what you liked best about it. It always helps to know what works and what doesn't. estory

Comment from Raul1

Good

I think that I do understand where this poem is getting at is to the livelihood of humans. It is a good write. Nice work! Good luck in the contest! Good work!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019

Thanks for the good review and for your comments on the poem. estory

reply by Raul1 on 07-Jun-2019

You're welcome.

Comment from LeannaP

Exceptional

I loved this poem.
I enjoyed reading it because there was this whole notion of "as if" which sang its way throughout the sequence and i liked how you changed it each time.Great job!

 Comment Written 06-Jun-2019

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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2019

Thanks again for the exceptional review and for all the notes on what you liked about the piece. Feedback is the fuel for tomorrow...estory