Termite Palace
A lifetime dream realised4 total reviews
Comment from Diana L Crawford
What a creative way to describe the life of a termite! You paint a colorful picture of their life together by relating them to royalty. With love, I would like to bring to your attention a part that you may want to consider revising.
"Mutton is her preferred meat and she ate picked as much as five slices. During the evening supper, Queen Sally eat a jar full of mixed fruits and a sauce of vegetables with one or two meatballs."
I think you could either keep in past tense. I.e. or present tense. If present, then the part where you discuss the jar full of mixed fruit could be eats instead of eat�� Also maybe use a dash after "the mutton and she ate-picked as much as five slices." Or take picked out completely. Very entertaining overall though and I enjoyed!�
  |
What a creative way to describe the life of a termite! You paint a colorful picture of their life together by relating them to royalty. With love, I would like to bring to your attention a part that you may want to consider revising.
"Mutton is her preferred meat and she ate picked as much as five slices. During the evening supper, Queen Sally eat a jar full of mixed fruits and a sauce of vegetables with one or two meatballs."
I think you could either keep in past tense. I.e. or present tense. If present, then the part where you discuss the jar full of mixed fruit could be eats instead of eat�� Also maybe use a dash after "the mutton and she ate-picked as much as five slices." Or take picked out completely. Very entertaining overall though and I enjoyed!�
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
Comment from royowen
An unusual subject to choose my friend, the progression of young King and Queen, to reinvigorating the running of a large colony of termites, is a long tiresome one for Queen Sally, an endless reproductive process of regenerating a population is tiring business. Well done, I enjoyed the this scribal journey, good job, blessings,Roy
Typo : (Sallyis) Sally is? 2: Queen Sally rather feed(s)
|
An unusual subject to choose my friend, the progression of young King and Queen, to reinvigorating the running of a large colony of termites, is a long tiresome one for Queen Sally, an endless reproductive process of regenerating a population is tiring business. Well done, I enjoyed the this scribal journey, good job, blessings,Roy
Typo : (Sallyis) Sally is? 2: Queen Sally rather feed(s)
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
Comment from Bill Pinder
Good job writing a fanciful and very imaginative story about the lifecycle of termites. Thanks for sharing this creativity for others to enjoy. Have a great day!
Bill
|
Good job writing a fanciful and very imaginative story about the lifecycle of termites. Thanks for sharing this creativity for others to enjoy. Have a great day!
Bill
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
I never considered the lives of termites something I would want to know about but there was a fascination I developed as I read on. Your details held my attention. I was interested in your description of their last phase of life. I began seeing Barney and Sally in human terms emotionally. That threw me for a loop. I still don't like termites but I like your. Story.
I prefer short stories because of the demands of precision and the economy of words. The story must be clear and concise with precise dialogue and action.
Well done. -RZ-
|
I never considered the lives of termites something I would want to know about but there was a fascination I developed as I read on. Your details held my attention. I was interested in your description of their last phase of life. I began seeing Barney and Sally in human terms emotionally. That threw me for a loop. I still don't like termites but I like your. Story.
I prefer short stories because of the demands of precision and the economy of words. The story must be clear and concise with precise dialogue and action.
Well done. -RZ-
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
