New Cat on the Block
A story of an evaluation of character gone completely wrong.2 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Montanino
I see you have a real talent for writing. You've written your story with passion. If it's okay, I will suggest that you divide into paragraphs and add double spaces between the paragraphs. It is a bit hard to read so tightly together. I wish you good luck in your contest!!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
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I see you have a real talent for writing. You've written your story with passion. If it's okay, I will suggest that you divide into paragraphs and add double spaces between the paragraphs. It is a bit hard to read so tightly together. I wish you good luck in your contest!!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
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Thank You Sandra for your kind review and great advice. Have a great night.
Comment from Xia Thornwood
This is a pretty fun way of doing the story. There are a couple things that may need fixing. Firstly, for readability's sake, it needs to be a little clearer who is speaking. I thought it was all one person at first. You could that by spacing it into paragraphs, or adding quotation marks, or labeling it, like this:
C: Hello
R: What do you want?
or something.
And then, just a few grammar corrections. "Rite" needs to be "right" everywhere I saw it. "Rediculous" should be "ridiculous" with an "i" as the first vowel. When addressing someone, there is generally a comma right before their name, such as "Leave, Jack." "Minds on fire" should have an apostrophe between the d and the s in "minds." "Your" in "your on the fix" should be "you're." When you drop letters in a word, such as changing getting to gettin', there is generally an apostrophe there, too.
So, that was pretty nitpicky in grammar and all that. The story in itself is pretty fun. Your description of Selina's death was vivid. And I think you did well in characterizing these two characters through just what they are saying. And puns. I really liked the "leave meowlone!"
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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This is a pretty fun way of doing the story. There are a couple things that may need fixing. Firstly, for readability's sake, it needs to be a little clearer who is speaking. I thought it was all one person at first. You could that by spacing it into paragraphs, or adding quotation marks, or labeling it, like this:
C: Hello
R: What do you want?
or something.
And then, just a few grammar corrections. "Rite" needs to be "right" everywhere I saw it. "Rediculous" should be "ridiculous" with an "i" as the first vowel. When addressing someone, there is generally a comma right before their name, such as "Leave, Jack." "Minds on fire" should have an apostrophe between the d and the s in "minds." "Your" in "your on the fix" should be "you're." When you drop letters in a word, such as changing getting to gettin', there is generally an apostrophe there, too.
So, that was pretty nitpicky in grammar and all that. The story in itself is pretty fun. Your description of Selina's death was vivid. And I think you did well in characterizing these two characters through just what they are saying. And puns. I really liked the "leave meowlone!"
Comment Written 31-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thank You Xia for your review. Very kind and detailed. Reading it was motivational. I always try to separate new paragraphs when needed but for some reason they never print out like that. Must be my computer. It does get annoying when I read it back after sending it in. Again thanks for the effort and consideration. Have a great weekend. Keep writing.
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Glad I could help!
