St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "St. Louis Chapter 6 part 1"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
17 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Another good chapter. I like the sparring scene. No suggestions - just one query...
Logan knocked on McKenzie's door. When only Arlo acknowledged him, he used the key and entered. He knelt and petted the short dog. "Hey, buddy isn't your master up yet? Where's the big guy? Did he sleep late, too?" [According to your list of characters, Arlo belongs to McKenzie]
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
  |
Another good chapter. I like the sparring scene. No suggestions - just one query...
Logan knocked on McKenzie's door. When only Arlo acknowledged him, he used the key and entered. He knelt and petted the short dog. "Hey, buddy isn't your master up yet? Where's the big guy? Did he sleep late, too?" [According to your list of characters, Arlo belongs to McKenzie]
Comment Written 04-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2019
-
Both dogs belong to McKenzie. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Why am I not surprised that he is a martial arts expert? Good for him. I like the fact that he keeps surprising her. Nice work. I did not like the ending - good way to leave us on a cliff-hanger. Thanks!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
|
Barbara,
Why am I not surprised that he is a martial arts expert? Good for him. I like the fact that he keeps surprising her. Nice work. I did not like the ending - good way to leave us on a cliff-hanger. Thanks!
Comment Written 29-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mistydawn
You never know nowadays that's for sure. The chapter is well-written, very interesting. Your characters, their dialogue seems real. Although I haven't read the previous chapters I can easily grasp what's going on, nice job.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
|
You never know nowadays that's for sure. The chapter is well-written, very interesting. Your characters, their dialogue seems real. Although I haven't read the previous chapters I can easily grasp what's going on, nice job.
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from 24chas
Good chapter, Barbara. I like the way Logan is acting with Mac and the dogs, of course. Dogs are usually a good indicator of character, so he must be a good guy. Mac seems to still be feeling uncomfortable with everything around her. I can't blame her. Nice job.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
|
Good chapter, Barbara. I like the way Logan is acting with Mac and the dogs, of course. Dogs are usually a good indicator of character, so he must be a good guy. Mac seems to still be feeling uncomfortable with everything around her. I can't blame her. Nice job.
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Barbara,
Well, an unexpected package is never a god sign, especially one just left on the doorstep. nice scenes of the two sparring, comes across well.
"Hey, buddy isn't your master up yet? Where's the big guy? Did he sleep late, too? - need closing speech marks here.
You don't explain here what the contraption Arlo is put into is. It's a bit redundant to mention it if the reader has no idea what it is. - we're not told until after the break.
The kick boxing bags are available. - kickboxing could be a single word here.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
|
Hi Barbara,
Well, an unexpected package is never a god sign, especially one just left on the doorstep. nice scenes of the two sparring, comes across well.
"Hey, buddy isn't your master up yet? Where's the big guy? Did he sleep late, too? - need closing speech marks here.
You don't explain here what the contraption Arlo is put into is. It's a bit redundant to mention it if the reader has no idea what it is. - we're not told until after the break.
The kick boxing bags are available. - kickboxing could be a single word here.
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
-
I have made the corrections. Thank you for the catches. I appreciate it.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Could the package contain a bomb? Mac strikes me as a bit masculine... more than a bit. Maybe Logan likes that kind of woman. Many do, including my husband. LOL!
Congratulations on making it through another school year. I remember the thrill of school ending for summer vacation, both as a child and as a teacher. What a sense of freedom! Enjoy your summer. :)
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
|
Could the package contain a bomb? Mac strikes me as a bit masculine... more than a bit. Maybe Logan likes that kind of woman. Many do, including my husband. LOL!
Congratulations on making it through another school year. I remember the thrill of school ending for summer vacation, both as a child and as a teacher. What a sense of freedom! Enjoy your summer. :)
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review. I see a few weeks of resting in my future. LOL
Comment from SLMorrical
A cute picture. A wonderful chapter to your story. I love that Logan is talking to the dogs like Mac does. I talk to my animals like they were people. Their relationship is taking off well. Taking Logan to the her gym is something friends do. Logan being in the military would think a box is suspicious. I think it was a good thing that he called the police. I look forward to the next chapter. I want to see if it is a bomb or just a shipping box. Very well done. The cliff hanger is great.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
 |
A cute picture. A wonderful chapter to your story. I love that Logan is talking to the dogs like Mac does. I talk to my animals like they were people. Their relationship is taking off well. Taking Logan to the her gym is something friends do. Logan being in the military would think a box is suspicious. I think it was a good thing that he called the police. I look forward to the next chapter. I want to see if it is a bomb or just a shipping box. Very well done. The cliff hanger is great.
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That does not sound good! It might be innocent, but you never know. I enjoyed their workout, so both are good at martial arts. In my next life I'm going to do that and have two big dogs with me! I really enjoyed this chapter, my friend, very well done. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
|
That does not sound good! It might be innocent, but you never know. I enjoyed their workout, so both are good at martial arts. In my next life I'm going to do that and have two big dogs with me! I really enjoyed this chapter, my friend, very well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review. I so enjoy big dogs.
Comment from A.J. Dodd (AD)
Hi there,
I always skip the "previously" parts and take the read as is, but I will keep in mind that I am mid-book.
All notes are in the order I thought than, and they can be taken or left as you see fit.
You are certainly one of the more professional writers here, making the "review" job difficult, but probably more important. I tend to read pieces as in progress, but this was clearly honed. If I see your name pop up again in future I will be sure to tackle it with a finer comb. I was a bit taken aback here though.
In terms of story, it was a fine read, and my mind didn't wander, but I also wasn't totally gripped. Maybe if I go back, I will be,but I get a feeling of "not much happened here" though the early confusion over date-no-date did add a pinch of conflict and set the atmosphere for this interaction quite well.
I think I've said enough for now. A fine write, not to my taste, but enjoyed it regardless, so I guess that is a solid compliment, at the very least, it is meant that way.
I hope to read more in the future.
Here goes
Opening line is good mood setting.
"So early? ... Middle of the night." I understand the meaning clearly, but this reads to me as contradictory.
Genuine sounding dialogue otherwise.
***
It's rare that I enjoy dialogue with no breaks, but this works, very effectively actually.
***
Nothing of particular note past here
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
|
Hi there,
I always skip the "previously" parts and take the read as is, but I will keep in mind that I am mid-book.
All notes are in the order I thought than, and they can be taken or left as you see fit.
You are certainly one of the more professional writers here, making the "review" job difficult, but probably more important. I tend to read pieces as in progress, but this was clearly honed. If I see your name pop up again in future I will be sure to tackle it with a finer comb. I was a bit taken aback here though.
In terms of story, it was a fine read, and my mind didn't wander, but I also wasn't totally gripped. Maybe if I go back, I will be,but I get a feeling of "not much happened here" though the early confusion over date-no-date did add a pinch of conflict and set the atmosphere for this interaction quite well.
I think I've said enough for now. A fine write, not to my taste, but enjoyed it regardless, so I guess that is a solid compliment, at the very least, it is meant that way.
I hope to read more in the future.
Here goes
Opening line is good mood setting.
"So early? ... Middle of the night." I understand the meaning clearly, but this reads to me as contradictory.
Genuine sounding dialogue otherwise.
***
It's rare that I enjoy dialogue with no breaks, but this works, very effectively actually.
***
Nothing of particular note past here
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
Interesting... I apologise for the way my tablet reformatted the review.. it did make sense the way I originally wrote it. As well as the autocorrects it made... Otherwise, you're welcome *slightly embarrassed smile*
-
Not a problem. LOL
Comment from Tootsie55
Excellent chapter and what's more not a spag anywhere to be found. Keep up the good work this is still a great read up to your usual standard. You know I enjoy your writing.
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
|
Excellent chapter and what's more not a spag anywhere to be found. Keep up the good work this is still a great read up to your usual standard. You know I enjoy your writing.
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 27-May-2019
-
Thank you for the generous review.
