The Song
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Shooting the rapids"An orphaned boy finds his destiny
2 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Bob,
So... the princess is, at least, surrounded by brilliant people. I adore this character of the Chancellor. He's witty, cutting and so smart. Has to be, to stay alive in that environment, obviously.
More! More! Hurry!
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Bob,
So... the princess is, at least, surrounded by brilliant people. I adore this character of the Chancellor. He's witty, cutting and so smart. Has to be, to stay alive in that environment, obviously.
More! More! Hurry!
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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You're very kind, thanks. Family visiting this week so I might not have time, but I'll try.
Comment from A.J. Dodd (AD)
Hi there,
An intriguing little world we have here.
Characters are mostly believable. The writing is simple enough, but not overly so. A little dialogue heavy perhaps and a few paragraphs could use a break.
Notes: in the order I read them
In first four lines you use the word "door" it reads as a little excessive, the second can be cut. Probably the third use too.
I do like the chancellor, perfectly dislikeable. An air of superiority that he likely does not possess
About half way down and I have little sense of where we are, a bed, a door and a bedroom she is held in I guess, but no colour, no sense of space, etc.
"he won't admit it, won't say it out loud. " The repetition feels redundant here.
An alright read, but a little lacking in depth in my opinion.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Hi there,
An intriguing little world we have here.
Characters are mostly believable. The writing is simple enough, but not overly so. A little dialogue heavy perhaps and a few paragraphs could use a break.
Notes: in the order I read them
In first four lines you use the word "door" it reads as a little excessive, the second can be cut. Probably the third use too.
I do like the chancellor, perfectly dislikeable. An air of superiority that he likely does not possess
About half way down and I have little sense of where we are, a bed, a door and a bedroom she is held in I guess, but no colour, no sense of space, etc.
"he won't admit it, won't say it out loud. " The repetition feels redundant here.
An alright read, but a little lacking in depth in my opinion.
Comment Written 27-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thanks for your review. Sorry it didn't float your boat. I'll look at it again when I have some distance
