Debt Collector
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Brutal Interegation"Unpaid loans can be deadly.
7 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
Dialogue without tags keeps the energy revved and was used to get deep understanding of the characters and conflict. I really like how you ended it with a hook, Jeff reaches for his gun and not the wallet. Some interesting characters.
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Dialogue without tags keeps the energy revved and was used to get deep understanding of the characters and conflict. I really like how you ended it with a hook, Jeff reaches for his gun and not the wallet. Some interesting characters.
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 28-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I try to have some type of hook at the end of every chapter trying to keep the reader's interests.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my chapter, It's greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from royowen
It seems that Jeff is jumping from the frying pan into the fire. After the terrifying interrogation by Joe, upon his release he's driven on a job by Luigi to a debt collection of another poor unfortunate who Luigi shoots in the leg. Later upon arriving home, he's confronted by a mugger with a knife, but Jeff remembers the gun and points it at the muggers head. Well done, how's Jeff going to get out of this one? Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo "Monsters?(") 2: (K)nodding, Jeff climbs out the door.
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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It seems that Jeff is jumping from the frying pan into the fire. After the terrifying interrogation by Joe, upon his release he's driven on a job by Luigi to a debt collection of another poor unfortunate who Luigi shoots in the leg. Later upon arriving home, he's confronted by a mugger with a knife, but Jeff remembers the gun and points it at the muggers head. Well done, how's Jeff going to get out of this one? Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo "Monsters?(") 2: (K)nodding, Jeff climbs out the door.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review and for catching my mistake. Without any bullets, Jeff's only hope is the mugger will back down. People addicted to drugs will do about anything to get their next fix.
Thank you again for your kind review, all your help, your support and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
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Good job
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Misty Dawn
Well I ca say the way you kept me in suspense through out this chapter, was worth reading. So here I'm waiting for to find out what happens after when
Jeff glares at the mugger. I've been a victim of circumstance all my life. Well, that's going to end, right here, right now. "I don't think so." Jeff pulls the weapon from his pocket and points it towards the mugger's head.
Gert
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Hello Misty Dawn
Well I ca say the way you kept me in suspense through out this chapter, was worth reading. So here I'm waiting for to find out what happens after when
Jeff glares at the mugger. I've been a victim of circumstance all my life. Well, that's going to end, right here, right now. "I don't think so." Jeff pulls the weapon from his pocket and points it towards the mugger's head.
Gert
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Well, hi stranger, how have you been? Fine I hope. I know you want to give this fanstory retirement thing a try, but I sure miss your poems.
Thank you so much for a lovely review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, that it kept you in suspense, but more importantly it's nice hearing from you again. You take care, don't be such a stranger.
Comment from KatyM
Good chapter! Nothing to add or subtract.
Will Jeff ever get a break? I am hoping I can get some stuff accomplished tonight while James is at work. I tend to not watch tv when he isn't here. I am trying to get my backyard to look better but it's already gotten so hot outside that I don't want to do anything! lol Might bring the stuff inside and plant my flowers in my planters and then put them outside. hehe
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Good chapter! Nothing to add or subtract.
Will Jeff ever get a break? I am hoping I can get some stuff accomplished tonight while James is at work. I tend to not watch tv when he isn't here. I am trying to get my backyard to look better but it's already gotten so hot outside that I don't want to do anything! lol Might bring the stuff inside and plant my flowers in my planters and then put them outside. hehe
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your review, it's always greatly appreciated. I hope you were able to get a lot accomplished. It's gotten quite warm here too probably not as hot as you guys since your further south. I'm sure you'll get the garden the way you want soon.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care.
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Where do you live? I don"t remember.
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Southwest Missouri. Just outside of Branson. 40 minutes from the Arkansas border.
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Oh ok. I was there once in Branson many moons ago.
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It's changed a lot over the years.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Here's my last six... glad I still had one for this masterpiece. Very well written. I was totally involved throughout every scene. But HOW will Jeff ever escape from Bambini and Luigi? I hope there's a happy ending to look forward to. :)
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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Here's my last six... glad I still had one for this masterpiece. Very well written. I was totally involved throughout every scene. But HOW will Jeff ever escape from Bambini and Luigi? I hope there's a happy ending to look forward to. :)
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 25-May-2019
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A six, I'm so honored you thought the chapter is worthy. You called it a masterpiece and now my head is floating in the clouds. Thank you so much, you definitely made my month. As far as the ending goes, I think you'll be pleased.
Thank you so much for such an excellent review. You know I'm going to show it to everyone that comes over. Take care.
Comment from 24chas
This was a great chapter, Mistydawn. I love the pacing of it. Jeff was really fortunate, I guess, from his point of view with the attorney showing up when he did. I wonder when he's going to realize this is never going to end. Nice cliffhanger as well. Good job.
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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This was a great chapter, Mistydawn. I love the pacing of it. Jeff was really fortunate, I guess, from his point of view with the attorney showing up when he did. I wonder when he's going to realize this is never going to end. Nice cliffhanger as well. Good job.
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I think Jeff just figured out he's going to be indebted to Bambini forever. I just hope he doesn't do something stupid.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I found this a powerful piece, full of menace. If this was mine, perhaps I'd look at breaking the long dialogue sequence with one or two substantial paragraphs of narrative -- but that's personal preference.
Have you read any of the Harry Bingham novels featuring Fiona Griffiths? If not, you might like to since I think your work is in a similar vein.
Just one thing I picked up on:
"I want a lawyer." Jeff stampers. -- spag? Stammers?
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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I found this a powerful piece, full of menace. If this was mine, perhaps I'd look at breaking the long dialogue sequence with one or two substantial paragraphs of narrative -- but that's personal preference.
Have you read any of the Harry Bingham novels featuring Fiona Griffiths? If not, you might like to since I think your work is in a similar vein.
Just one thing I picked up on:
"I want a lawyer." Jeff stampers. -- spag? Stammers?
Comment Written 24-May-2019
reply by the author on 24-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your lovely review and for catching my mistake. It's always greatly appreciated.
I haven't read either, but I'll give them a try. I do read a lot of James Patterson. Would like to write a book with him someday.
The narrative isn't one of my stronger points. I'll work on it.
Thank you again for your great review all your help and support. I appreciate it, take care.
