This Time - That Time 3
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "What's Going On?!"Third book in the time travel trilogy
30 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Ernest Rutherford was the physicist who first "split" the atom in 1917.
Little did he know that The Powers (aka Sandra Mitchell) were the first to split a person (without doing any bodily harm) in 1915.
Now I ask you, how else can one please everyone? Why have two Mildreds, of course. LOL
An excellent chapter in the twisting pages of time. I think your readers will be happy. But, there is one more chapter to go. Take your time, enjoy it; after all, you've got all the time in the world.
Virtual six!
Well done, my friend.
Robert
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
  |
Hello Sandra,
Ernest Rutherford was the physicist who first "split" the atom in 1917.
Little did he know that The Powers (aka Sandra Mitchell) were the first to split a person (without doing any bodily harm) in 1915.
Now I ask you, how else can one please everyone? Why have two Mildreds, of course. LOL
An excellent chapter in the twisting pages of time. I think your readers will be happy. But, there is one more chapter to go. Take your time, enjoy it; after all, you've got all the time in the world.
Virtual six!
Well done, my friend.
Robert
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
-
LOL!!!! What else could it possibly be?? Did I not tell you that young Ernest was one of Veronica's students? He was a shy lad, but had a quick brain. :)) Thank you so much, Robert, for this brilliant review. The virtual six is just as nice because it shows you really enjoyed the chapter. The last chapter is rather long as I've decided to work the epilogue into it rather than finish the main story with some loose ends. Thanks to you, I will be able to put more pumps on to pay the reviewers for reading it. Thank you again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Alex Rosel
I come to this fresh, not having read previous posts in the series. So, I'm unaware of the story-line. From this piece, I think you've a dynamic story arc. It reads well.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
...the disapproving eyes of Charles' ancestors glaring down at me from their portraits -- this is a often used trope, but none the less effective for that. Perhaps look to add something that gives it the impact of originality?
A slight moan could be heard, and Tommy held her closer. -- If this was mine, I'd try an give the narrative more intimacy. This is an example. Here, the weak form is could be heard. This places the reader at a perspective of once removed. They're reading an account. If this is change to something like, A moan escaped her lips as Tommy pulled her into the comfort of his body. Not perfect, but I hope you follow my drift. It places the narrative directly in front of the readers, as though they were witnessing the events themselves.
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
|
I come to this fresh, not having read previous posts in the series. So, I'm unaware of the story-line. From this piece, I think you've a dynamic story arc. It reads well.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
...the disapproving eyes of Charles' ancestors glaring down at me from their portraits -- this is a often used trope, but none the less effective for that. Perhaps look to add something that gives it the impact of originality?
A slight moan could be heard, and Tommy held her closer. -- If this was mine, I'd try an give the narrative more intimacy. This is an example. Here, the weak form is could be heard. This places the reader at a perspective of once removed. They're reading an account. If this is change to something like, A moan escaped her lips as Tommy pulled her into the comfort of his body. Not perfect, but I hope you follow my drift. It places the narrative directly in front of the readers, as though they were witnessing the events themselves.
Comment Written 23-May-2019
reply by the author on 23-May-2019
-
Hi Alex, thank you so much for this helpful review. I've only one part left, which I'll be posting on Sunday, then an epilogue. Once that is done I'll be doing a thorough edit of the whole book and will take your advice along with me. I'm sure I can make many changes by replacing some of those weak verbs. Thank you for that! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ulla
Awe Sandra, so Veronica got her wish. Mildred can stay with her Tommy. How lovely is that. What a twist! I can't wait for the last part, although as you know, I'm sorry to see it ending. I have no six left so it has to be a five. I'm sorry. It so deserves a six star. Big hugs. Ulla xxxx
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
Awe Sandra, so Veronica got her wish. Mildred can stay with her Tommy. How lovely is that. What a twist! I can't wait for the last part, although as you know, I'm sorry to see it ending. I have no six left so it has to be a five. I'm sorry. It so deserves a six star. Big hugs. Ulla xxxx
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
Thank you so much for another lovely review, Ulla. Yes, the last part comes on Sunday followed by an epilogue. Then that's it! ;) As for the five, it goes beautifully with your golden review. Thank you, my friend. xxxx Sandra
-
I'm still sorry to see it go. It has almost become an institution. I so love the story. But you said you might follow up with some writing about Milfred? Ulla xxx
-
Aww, thank you, Ulla. Yes, Mildred keeps banging on my brain pushing more ideas into it! lol. I'll be writing some stories for Eric first. But I have a feeling they will be back. xxx
-
Ah, I'm looking forward to the stories for Eric. The last one was outstanding and the I'll wait patiently for Mildred. But first the last chapter and then the epilogue. xxx
-
I've decided to put the epilogue into the story so you will have all your questions answered on Sunday. It's a tad long, but I'm going to promote it big time as a thankyou. :)) Then it will be Eric's turn for a while. xxx
-
I'm looking forward to it. xx
Comment from Mistydawn
Hmm. This is an interesting chapter. Leaves me with a lot of questions that's for sure. Why doesn't Mildred see them? Was she reborn somehow? Will her and Tommy marry? Will Veronica see her family again? I'm sure you explain all of that in the final chapter. It's very well-written, interesting, realistic, of course.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
Hmm. This is an interesting chapter. Leaves me with a lot of questions that's for sure. Why doesn't Mildred see them? Was she reborn somehow? Will her and Tommy marry? Will Veronica see her family again? I'm sure you explain all of that in the final chapter. It's very well-written, interesting, realistic, of course.
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
LOL, that is a lot of questions, and yes, you will get all the answers to those on Sunday. Thank you so much for this fun review, my friend, it really makes my day knowing you are so in to this story. Thank you!! Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Talk about a split personality! LOL What are you up to now, Sandra? There's no way you can have two Mildreds and have the result you asked for, but it does seem like the powers heard your threat. Maybe the old Mildred is just there to say goodbye. I am happy for her. LOL Good job dear. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
 |
Talk about a split personality! LOL What are you up to now, Sandra? There's no way you can have two Mildreds and have the result you asked for, but it does seem like the powers heard your threat. Maybe the old Mildred is just there to say goodbye. I am happy for her. LOL Good job dear. Nancy:)
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
Bless you, my wonderful friend, for the six stars and wonderful review. Hmm, Mildred ... she is a bit of an enigma. Thank you so much, Nancy, for this 'well thought out' review. I'm saying nothing more! lol. You just don't know what the Powers are up to, at any given time. Maybe Mildred does, we'll see on Sunday. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Mrs. KT
Another fine write, Sandra!
Appreciated the segment with the Powers discuss their rationale and course of action. Glad to know that the Earth is safe for the next millennium, too!
Also found the segment with Mildred and Tommy sweet.
So...on to the conclusion on Sunday! I'll be waiting!
diane
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
Another fine write, Sandra!
Appreciated the segment with the Powers discuss their rationale and course of action. Glad to know that the Earth is safe for the next millennium, too!
Also found the segment with Mildred and Tommy sweet.
So...on to the conclusion on Sunday! I'll be waiting!
diane
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
Thank you, Diane, for another lovely review. I can't wait to post on Sunday to read the response. I hope everyone will like it. You've all been amazing readers and so encouraging. I can't thank you enough, my friend. Big hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from aryr
Oh my, you have really done it Sandra. I think I have figured it out- the young Mildred will stay in that time and marry Tommy and the ghostly Mildred who is much older with be with Veronica. What a brilliant idea and the Powers To Be remain in control. The admiral is under control and I so look forward to the final part. Very well done, extremely creative, and so enjoyed. Hugs and smiles my friend.
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
Oh my, you have really done it Sandra. I think I have figured it out- the young Mildred will stay in that time and marry Tommy and the ghostly Mildred who is much older with be with Veronica. What a brilliant idea and the Powers To Be remain in control. The admiral is under control and I so look forward to the final part. Very well done, extremely creative, and so enjoyed. Hugs and smiles my friend.
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
LOL, I can't say if you are, or if you're not right, because I know some of my reviewers like to see what others have worked out and if they might be right. So, all will be revealed on Sunday. Thank you so much, Alie, for this amazing review, I've appreciated them all. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
-
LOL, it would be silly of me to expect an advance notice and I do agree, that everyone tends to think they know. For me its an enjoyable adventure, you are so welcome Sandra.
-
Thanks, Alie. You are so sweet. xx
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
It looks like the powers that be have granted Veronica's wish and Mildred doesn't see ghost anymore, but why is she older. Guess I'll have to wait until Sunday to find out. Well done as always dear. Rox
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
It looks like the powers that be have granted Veronica's wish and Mildred doesn't see ghost anymore, but why is she older. Guess I'll have to wait until Sunday to find out. Well done as always dear. Rox
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
Yes, no clues being offered today! lol. Thank you so much for this lovely review, Rox, the final part is Sunday, but I have an epilogue to finish the loose ends. Then, that is it! Three books all complete. Big hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from dragonpoet
This shows how righteous anger can get things done. It shows how important love is. I can't wait to see the wedding and the other endings.
I found two mistakes. It should be Gentlemen not Gentleman in the beginning. At it should be 'as the second(s) passed in the paragraph that
starts Tommy checked her pulse
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
This shows how righteous anger can get things done. It shows how important love is. I can't wait to see the wedding and the other endings.
I found two mistakes. It should be Gentlemen not Gentleman in the beginning. At it should be 'as the second(s) passed in the paragraph that
starts Tommy checked her pulse
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 22-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
Thank you so much, Joan, for this lovely review. And, most of all, for finding those nits! I really appreciate that. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is a great chapter, Sandra. the short length, compared to the other chapters, makes it standout--along with the focus of the proposed marriage of Mildred and Tommy. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Suggestions:
"Well, Gentleman, here we are. Mildred has obliviously steered Veronica to this point, [ no comma here ] which we knew she would do in her unassuming and innocent way. timeline is safe. What happens now, will shock and hopefully, please everyone." [What happens now will shock, and hopefully, please everyone." ]
Jowell stood up, and holding his goblet, he raised it in the air.
[Jowell stood up and holding his goblet while he raised it in the air. ] [ A toast to . . . ]Mildred and Veronica, two remarkable women!"
The clunk of gold goblets touching, [ no comma here ] and the cheer that responded [ followed Jowell's toast showed everyone's pleasure. ] to Jowell's toast, showed everyone's pleasure.
Mildred is upset [ no comma before which and maybe use as we expected ], which we expected ... bearing in mind, ..." Leif said, leaving his words hanging in the air and his grin spreading from ear to ear.
"As we can now see, Mildred and Veronica have managed to stop the glitch in the timeline thereby assuring Earths [Earth's ] future for at least the coming millennium.
1915
Tommy checked her pulse as I watched,[ and felt frantic. ] frantic now.
Gladys and I were both willing her to do it,[ np comma here ] as well. We watched as her lids flickered, ]no comma here ] and then opened.
"Do you think she hit her head?" Gladys asked,[ no comma here ] when Mildred continued to ignore us.
"Yes!" Mildred cut in [no comma maybe say as her eyes ], her eyes glistening with tears.
Tommy laughed, and scooping her up into his arms, he swung her around,[ no commas maybe say as everyone clapped and cheered. ] with everyone cheering and clapping.
I was so worried that all this was about to crumble, [ no comma after crumble ] leaving Mildred in a heap of misery.
[ When you use ... I always put a space between each one like this . . . ]
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
|
This is a great chapter, Sandra. the short length, compared to the other chapters, makes it standout--along with the focus of the proposed marriage of Mildred and Tommy. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Suggestions:
"Well, Gentleman, here we are. Mildred has obliviously steered Veronica to this point, [ no comma here ] which we knew she would do in her unassuming and innocent way. timeline is safe. What happens now, will shock and hopefully, please everyone." [What happens now will shock, and hopefully, please everyone." ]
Jowell stood up, and holding his goblet, he raised it in the air.
[Jowell stood up and holding his goblet while he raised it in the air. ] [ A toast to . . . ]Mildred and Veronica, two remarkable women!"
The clunk of gold goblets touching, [ no comma here ] and the cheer that responded [ followed Jowell's toast showed everyone's pleasure. ] to Jowell's toast, showed everyone's pleasure.
Mildred is upset [ no comma before which and maybe use as we expected ], which we expected ... bearing in mind, ..." Leif said, leaving his words hanging in the air and his grin spreading from ear to ear.
"As we can now see, Mildred and Veronica have managed to stop the glitch in the timeline thereby assuring Earths [Earth's ] future for at least the coming millennium.
1915
Tommy checked her pulse as I watched,[ and felt frantic. ] frantic now.
Gladys and I were both willing her to do it,[ np comma here ] as well. We watched as her lids flickered, ]no comma here ] and then opened.
"Do you think she hit her head?" Gladys asked,[ no comma here ] when Mildred continued to ignore us.
"Yes!" Mildred cut in [no comma maybe say as her eyes ], her eyes glistening with tears.
Tommy laughed, and scooping her up into his arms, he swung her around,[ no commas maybe say as everyone clapped and cheered. ] with everyone cheering and clapping.
I was so worried that all this was about to crumble, [ no comma after crumble ] leaving Mildred in a heap of misery.
[ When you use ... I always put a space between each one like this . . . ]
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
-
Dear, Jan, thank you so much for this thorough review. I'm going to copy and paste it into my MS Word so I can do the edits properly. That was so kind of you. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. One more to go and a tidy up epilogue. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
