Reviews from

Chip's Poetry

Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Breathe Into It"
FanStory Collection

30 total reviews 
Comment from Gail Denham
Excellent
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Well done. And has a message too. I enjoyed the combination of the horse and the "vapor of life" poem. It is the affirmation of life. How often, in the movies, we see folks lean down over a prostrate form to find out if there is breath.

 Comment Written 23-May-2019


reply by the author on 23-May-2019
    Exactly! Thanks for the read/review, Gail.
Comment from Mark D. R.
Excellent
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This I my go-to genre, 5-7-5. So I like the way you were able to describe an emotion or feeling in a limited number of words and syllables. Your selected illustration is a perfect match for your verse. Your poem could be a standalone without the horse image.

Small grammatical nitpick, which does not affect my read: insert an extra space between vapor and your hyphen mark.

It may take on a different poetic view if the last line was: "December's crisp air."

Mark

 Comment Written 23-May-2019


reply by the author on 23-May-2019
    Thanks, Mark! I did add the space, much better. Thinking on the last line, nice suggestion.
Comment from Boogienights
Excellent
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This is wonderfully descriptive, it makes me smell the cold fresh air. I'm not a huge fan of the cold and snow, but it holds a lot of beauty no doubt.

 Comment Written 23-May-2019


reply by the author on 23-May-2019
    Thanks, Boogie!
Comment from MsPetra
Excellent
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You've done an excellent job with this 5-7-5. I counted it out. Your poem made me take a deep breath and enjoy the fresh air. Thank you for that.
Overall, well done!

 Comment Written 22-May-2019


reply by the author on 22-May-2019
    Thanks, MsPetra!
Comment from Mastery
Excellent
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Another fine 5-7-5 from you, Chip. I think your poetry is unique in every case. This one is indeed a great reflection on life and how something as simple as breathing is taken for granted by all of us. Bless you, Bob

 Comment Written 22-May-2019


reply by the author on 22-May-2019
    Thanks, Bob.
reply by Mastery on 22-May-2019
    Welcome Chip
Comment from WryWriter
Excellent
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I count 5-7-5 syllable lines. The artwork makes you shudder as you "feel" the cold air the horse expels his warm breath into. I love the way you sum this up by "affirmation of life." Great job!

 Comment Written 21-May-2019


reply by the author on 21-May-2019
    Thanks, Wry.
Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson
Excellent
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This is a beautiful entry for the winter contest, my friend. I love this line:
"Breath's fleeting vapor- " so pretty! Nicely done, good luck! ~Kerry

 Comment Written 21-May-2019


reply by the author on 21-May-2019
    Thank you, Kerry!
reply by Kerry Foley Robinson on 21-May-2019
    Welcome:)))
Comment from Bichon
Excellent
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A fun and descriptive poem. The image really adds to the overall effect and helps visualize the winter breath more. Best of luck in the contest, I liked this entry!

 Comment Written 21-May-2019


reply by the author on 21-May-2019
    Thanks, Chloe!
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Excellent
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I like this. We as adults still do the breathing like children do to make that smoky impression in the air. It is indeed a sign that we're alive in the crisp cool air. I like the clever wording you use to bring forth your point. Great job and well done!

 Comment Written 21-May-2019


reply by the author on 21-May-2019
    Thank you, Jeffrey!
Comment from Richard J
Excellent
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The perfect picture ... love the sunlit whiskers, too.
Your words create quite the imagery to perk one's imagination and bring the scene to life; not an easy task in 17-syllables.

An easy to read and enjoy presentation.
Thanks so much for sharing ... I wish you well in the contest! ~ Richard : )

 Comment Written 21-May-2019


reply by the author on 21-May-2019
    Thank you, Richard!