The Feast
Dinner is served13 total reviews
Comment from Coco Jane
Grisly stuff!
You have a couple of grammatical errors:
Sung should be sang.
Your second sentence is not a complete sentence.
Is that on purpose?
Laid should be lay.
Is fileter spelled correctly?
I especially like "insanity's warm embrace."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Grisly stuff!
You have a couple of grammatical errors:
Sung should be sang.
Your second sentence is not a complete sentence.
Is that on purpose?
Laid should be lay.
Is fileter spelled correctly?
I especially like "insanity's warm embrace."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Because this is past tense sung is correct. Ditto for laid instead of lay. When writing one must keep the tense the same throughout not change it from past to present and back again or vice-verse.
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I beg to differ. The past tense of sing is sang. Sung is used with have.
The past tense of lie (meaning to rest) is lay. Laid is the past tense of lay (meaning to put).
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I owe you one for correcting me about the past tense of sing being sang. According to google, which I just checked, you were correct on that one. Therefore, I edit my response and say appreciate the catch. Much obliged.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Brett. My review of this piece may be a bit different from others. As a vegetarian for many years myself, I applied my POV to it. It may be worthwhile to consider our own horror of being the victim, whether it's consummation by our own kind or by another species. Marilyn
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Hi Brett. My review of this piece may be a bit different from others. As a vegetarian for many years myself, I applied my POV to it. It may be worthwhile to consider our own horror of being the victim, whether it's consummation by our own kind or by another species. Marilyn
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and pen a review.
Comment from A.J. Dodd (AD)
Alright, we start with a short one. First off, good luck in the competition, especially as, I guess, we are in competition.
The good-
I think you've utilised your word count well for the most part, nothing seems unnecessarily added.
Opening line is also gripping, so props there as well.
The could be better-
First of all, a line that doesn't work - "The steady hum sweet music to the discerned ears " I appreciate you are working with a word limit and adding "of" between "hum" and "sweet" is not ideal. A comma also suffices, but to be honest I think the of fits better. Can omit loud form the opener to compensate if you think it necessary too.
the "meh"
this story wasn't really a gut puncher if I'm honest. Beautifully written, for sure, your ability in writing is definitely shining through, but the content it self is forgettable in my mind.
I hope you were serious about non-fluff, having said that though. At the moment at least, I'm fairly liberal with my five stars and this was still one of the better pieces I've read in my short time returned here, so enjoy that score.
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Alright, we start with a short one. First off, good luck in the competition, especially as, I guess, we are in competition.
The good-
I think you've utilised your word count well for the most part, nothing seems unnecessarily added.
Opening line is also gripping, so props there as well.
The could be better-
First of all, a line that doesn't work - "The steady hum sweet music to the discerned ears " I appreciate you are working with a word limit and adding "of" between "hum" and "sweet" is not ideal. A comma also suffices, but to be honest I think the of fits better. Can omit loud form the opener to compensate if you think it necessary too.
the "meh"
this story wasn't really a gut puncher if I'm honest. Beautifully written, for sure, your ability in writing is definitely shining through, but the content it self is forgettable in my mind.
I hope you were serious about non-fluff, having said that though. At the moment at least, I'm fairly liberal with my five stars and this was still one of the better pieces I've read in my short time returned here, so enjoy that score.
Comment Written 18-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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I am very serious about not wanting fluff reviews. Writers can not improve with fluff, only honest critiques. Believe me, you will not hurt my feelings with an honest review. Appreciate the suggestion. Originally had them that way, but changed it. Guess I go back and change them back again. Seventy-five words can be a tough task to produce the best story. This was also planned as the new beginning of my book Astatula that has been so popular here on FanStory. I wanted to increase the opening tension of that book as I am trying to finalize the story.
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What a creative use of flash fiction... I've never looked at it that way, but may have to give that idea a go.
Comment from TheStoryMan
I'm not hungry but thanks for the invitation. I'm not really big on cannibalism. This story is scary. I feel bad for his victim. Being chopped up and put through a wood chipper doesn't sound like fun. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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I'm not hungry but thanks for the invitation. I'm not really big on cannibalism. This story is scary. I feel bad for his victim. Being chopped up and put through a wood chipper doesn't sound like fun. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little writing effort. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and pen a review.
Comment from shaffer40
This is a nice, funny flash fiction piece. Good eats. :)
I did notice one little thing:
The steady hum sweet music to the discerned ears of the listener.
I think you left out a word here -- maybe "the steady hum of sweet music"
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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This is a nice, funny flash fiction piece. Good eats. :)
I did notice one little thing:
The steady hum sweet music to the discerned ears of the listener.
I think you left out a word here -- maybe "the steady hum of sweet music"
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little hen-scratching. Appreciate the review and the catch,.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written seventy five word flash fiction about the feast the dinosaurs enjoy when the human cadaver is placed before them. It seems we are the prey and not on the top of the food chain any longer.
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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A very well-written seventy five word flash fiction about the feast the dinosaurs enjoy when the human cadaver is placed before them. It seems we are the prey and not on the top of the food chain any longer.
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little posting. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and pen a review.
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
He reached out for insanity's warm embrace and laughed in glorious triumph.
Wow this line really pulled it together for me. We never know who hides behind that mask of sanity
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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He reached out for insanity's warm embrace and laughed in glorious triumph.
Wow this line really pulled it together for me. We never know who hides behind that mask of sanity
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little hen-scratching. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and pen a review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was one gruesome dinner menu. I had to laugh about the fileter having to finish the job. You've told a good story for just seventy-five words. The ending was excellent. Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra x
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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That was one gruesome dinner menu. I had to laugh about the fileter having to finish the job. You've told a good story for just seventy-five words. The ending was excellent. Good luck in the contest. :) Sandra x
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 20-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little hen-scratching. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and pen a review.
Comment from Tootsie55
Well done. Grusome interesting delicacy tale. I can't imagine how it would have tasted. probably pretty tough as well. Too bad for those of us with false teeth hehe.
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Well done. Grusome interesting delicacy tale. I can't imagine how it would have tasted. probably pretty tough as well. Too bad for those of us with false teeth hehe.
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little 75 word-er. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Earl Corp
Kind of Hotel Californiaesque, an ode to cannibalism. The lion picture threw me off and made the twist at the end a real surprise. Very nice job.
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Kind of Hotel Californiaesque, an ode to cannibalism. The lion picture threw me off and made the twist at the end a real surprise. Very nice job.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 17-May-2019
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Glad you enjoyed this little 75 word-er. Appreciate the review.
