A Light in the Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Stalker"Young rookie detective is assigned a serial case
8 total reviews
Comment from Darlene BoClair
As I continue to read, I noticed how families are harmed by stalkers is real. I now understand the process a female goes through when stalked. This book addresses the issues of today, the laws and the identity change. I am a fan of NCIS, still watching the reruns. The chapters for your book I know are going to get more and more movie like surprising. Reading on.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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As I continue to read, I noticed how families are harmed by stalkers is real. I now understand the process a female goes through when stalked. This book addresses the issues of today, the laws and the identity change. I am a fan of NCIS, still watching the reruns. The chapters for your book I know are going to get more and more movie like surprising. Reading on.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2019
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I 'movie like' good or bad? I don't really want it to be too movie like thought I supposed most crimes have been done in books and on TV and movies, in one way or another and it's hard not to sound like the same old thing. I try to put in surprises to throw the reader a curve. You'll have to let me know what you think. Thanks so much, Rox
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Roxanna, movies are good, even if we only hear the audio. This story is great.
Later, you may want to do an audio book.
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Thank you dear. =}
Comment from Mistydawn
Did you change the name for me? You didn't have to, but that's very kind of you, thank you. It's strange that I just happen to stumble on your book, what's even stranger is the entire time I was reading this I thought your main character reminds me a lot of Rachel. A strong, determined, headstrong woman, who by no doing of her own became a victim.
Rachel was sexually abused, spent a lot of time living on the streets.
This chapter is very well-written, interesting, a lot of good backstory. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Did you change the name for me? You didn't have to, but that's very kind of you, thank you. It's strange that I just happen to stumble on your book, what's even stranger is the entire time I was reading this I thought your main character reminds me a lot of Rachel. A strong, determined, headstrong woman, who by no doing of her own became a victim.
Rachel was sexually abused, spent a lot of time living on the streets.
This chapter is very well-written, interesting, a lot of good backstory. Nicely done.
Comment Written 28-May-2019
reply by the author on 29-May-2019
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Thank you for going back to catch up. I still need to find you book. The site tells me I am a fan already so I may have turned off the notification for some weird reason. Will try to get it back on. Thanks again. Rox
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Roxanna,
I found this chapter interesting and intriguing.
How sad it is that so many live in fear; unable to feel safe being themselves and must change everything to try to out wit the stalker.
I will be interested to read how this scenario unfolds
Regards
Shirley
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Hi Roxanna,
I found this chapter interesting and intriguing.
How sad it is that so many live in fear; unable to feel safe being themselves and must change everything to try to out wit the stalker.
I will be interested to read how this scenario unfolds
Regards
Shirley
Comment Written 21-May-2019
reply by the author on 22-May-2019
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Stalkers are very scary people. Thanks so much dear. Rox
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this, and am interested to see how this plot develops.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
...but the law of probability said there cannot be that many coincidences - I know what you mean, but actually this is technically incorrect. Mathematically, probability doesn't function along these lines. I'd just nix the probability bit and leave it as but there cannot be that many coincidences. . Then you won't give math nerds like me any reason to complain.
The world is a dark place, we see the worst of the worst, but don't let the darkness swallow you. - I really like this sentence. The last clause is a great way to reinforce the sentiment expressed :)
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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I enjoyed reading this, and am interested to see how this plot develops.
Here are a couple of points you might like to consider:
...but the law of probability said there cannot be that many coincidences - I know what you mean, but actually this is technically incorrect. Mathematically, probability doesn't function along these lines. I'd just nix the probability bit and leave it as but there cannot be that many coincidences. . Then you won't give math nerds like me any reason to complain.
The world is a dark place, we see the worst of the worst, but don't let the darkness swallow you. - I really like this sentence. The last clause is a great way to reinforce the sentiment expressed :)
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Thanks so much. I'll look at that sentence again, I don't want any Math nerds to have a breakdown. =} Thanks for the advise. Rox
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well done, Rox! I almost had one but my soon to be Husband changed his mind for him. She went to great lengths to get rid of him. Your story is well written and brought me gradually into the situation and left me wanting more.
I'm hooked. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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Well done, Rox! I almost had one but my soon to be Husband changed his mind for him. She went to great lengths to get rid of him. Your story is well written and brought me gradually into the situation and left me wanting more.
I'm hooked. Nancy:)
Comment Written 17-May-2019
reply by the author on 18-May-2019
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I'm very glad your hubby scared him off. So often nothing will dissuade them. They are the scariest people. Anyway, thanks so much glad you like it. When I get more money I will post the next chapter. Rox
Comment from Sandra Montanino
I love your picture. You picked a good one to go with your story. I think if you rearrange a few of your sentences, you can sharpen the suspense and mystery in the story. Nice job. It's a good story.
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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I love your picture. You picked a good one to go with your story. I think if you rearrange a few of your sentences, you can sharpen the suspense and mystery in the story. Nice job. It's a good story.
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thank you. I did do some fixes but not sure it helped.
Comment from robyn corum
Roxie, (4)
Really interesting premise for a story, and something that most of us can only imagine in our nightmares, thank goodness. I have heard about some of the things that Pauley has gone through and it's horrifying. I read of other victims of stalking and what their stalkers have done - and it's absolutely terrifying. Some of these people are crazy like a fox!
This looks like a really promising story-line and the character is definitely likable. The backstory adds so much and the reader already feels so much for her. You can't help but like her. Great job on that.
I did spot several nits that you need to revisit and made some notes for you:
1.) They just came up with it one night as a family(.)
2.) Was Rachel Murray random enough(?) They all hoped so.
3.) a muddy brown as brown and blue did(n't) mix well.
4.) It was so unfair and the anger and bitterness began to eat at her.
--> this is 'passive' writing
--> did it 'begin' to eat at her? Or did it eat at her?
5.) He was mainly just wanting to keep her talking, she was beautiful and he was trying to keep her engaged in conversation.
--> you are currently writing in Rachel's pov. You cannot jump into this man's head and tell us what he's thinking - that's called 'head-hopping' and it's a big no-no. You CAN say, Rachel was pretty sure he was mainly just wanting...
6.) Chief Garcia knew everything about Kara's, now Rachel('s), situation.
7.) anything that will make you happy is fine with us(,)" her father told her.
8.) Chief Garcia of Big Sky, was good friends with the Chief of D's
--> no comma
9.) that he was more teddy bear then (l)ion.
10.) It was so nice to belong to a family again. This was all kept between the two of them.
--> you've been talking about Rachel, the man AND his wife - that's three
11.) blonde and quit wearing colored contact(s), she
12.) quit wearing colored contacts. (S)he kept the name Rachel
Murray(;) it was just easier.
Thanks a bunch. I really enjoyed and look forward to the next part. Let me know when/if you edit. --hugs-
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Roxie, (4)
Really interesting premise for a story, and something that most of us can only imagine in our nightmares, thank goodness. I have heard about some of the things that Pauley has gone through and it's horrifying. I read of other victims of stalking and what their stalkers have done - and it's absolutely terrifying. Some of these people are crazy like a fox!
This looks like a really promising story-line and the character is definitely likable. The backstory adds so much and the reader already feels so much for her. You can't help but like her. Great job on that.
I did spot several nits that you need to revisit and made some notes for you:
1.) They just came up with it one night as a family(.)
2.) Was Rachel Murray random enough(?) They all hoped so.
3.) a muddy brown as brown and blue did(n't) mix well.
4.) It was so unfair and the anger and bitterness began to eat at her.
--> this is 'passive' writing
--> did it 'begin' to eat at her? Or did it eat at her?
5.) He was mainly just wanting to keep her talking, she was beautiful and he was trying to keep her engaged in conversation.
--> you are currently writing in Rachel's pov. You cannot jump into this man's head and tell us what he's thinking - that's called 'head-hopping' and it's a big no-no. You CAN say, Rachel was pretty sure he was mainly just wanting...
6.) Chief Garcia knew everything about Kara's, now Rachel('s), situation.
7.) anything that will make you happy is fine with us(,)" her father told her.
8.) Chief Garcia of Big Sky, was good friends with the Chief of D's
--> no comma
9.) that he was more teddy bear then (l)ion.
10.) It was so nice to belong to a family again. This was all kept between the two of them.
--> you've been talking about Rachel, the man AND his wife - that's three
11.) blonde and quit wearing colored contact(s), she
12.) quit wearing colored contacts. (S)he kept the name Rachel
Murray(;) it was just easier.
Thanks a bunch. I really enjoyed and look forward to the next part. Let me know when/if you edit. --hugs-
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thanks dear, I think I fixed everything. Is there a way to see what needs fixing as you do your edit? My brain only remembers so much. =} Thanks again. Rox
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My secret? I open two pages at once. (Two FanStory pages; one set one the review and one set on my post in the edit mode.)
Works beautifully!
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Hey - normally, I just change the rating w/o even looking based on the author ?s statements, but I had a glance for some reason and also saw:
Then one day she had a conversation with a policeman on her break and her life change(d) almost overnight
Oops!
Comment from royowen
An excellent story, one wonders at the mental stance of a stalker, personally I have no understanding, but then, I have no understanding of child abuse either. Beautifully Written Rox, one could feel the tension and the terror of a dream larger than life. Great story, good characters and plot, there could be more if you explored that path. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Now Rachel('s) situation
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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An excellent story, one wonders at the mental stance of a stalker, personally I have no understanding, but then, I have no understanding of child abuse either. Beautifully Written Rox, one could feel the tension and the terror of a dream larger than life. Great story, good characters and plot, there could be more if you explored that path. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Now Rachel('s) situation
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thank you very much sir. Rox
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Welcome Rox
