Debt Collector
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Horrid Truth"Unpaid loans can be deadly.
5 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with the dramatic scene about having to confront a friend with news she doesn't want to hear. I like how you complicate the emotions with the young girls who are close to Rachel.
One comment:
This passage was confusing to me:
"I'm glad you found me to be so amusing." (Jeff)
"You know you would've laughed if it was me." (Rachel
"Like the time you fell out of the boat?" (Jeff)
"That goose tried to kill me." Jeff laughs. "I heard Rebeca isn't feeling well so I brought her a few books."
(This last dialogue is spoken by Rachel but it looks like Jeff is talking because it's followed by "Jeff laughs" also, "Rebeca" here has only one 'c.'
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Great job with the dramatic scene about having to confront a friend with news she doesn't want to hear. I like how you complicate the emotions with the young girls who are close to Rachel.
One comment:
This passage was confusing to me:
"I'm glad you found me to be so amusing." (Jeff)
"You know you would've laughed if it was me." (Rachel
"Like the time you fell out of the boat?" (Jeff)
"That goose tried to kill me." Jeff laughs. "I heard Rebeca isn't feeling well so I brought her a few books."
(This last dialogue is spoken by Rachel but it looks like Jeff is talking because it's followed by "Jeff laughs" also, "Rebeca" here has only one 'c.'
Comment Written 16-May-2019
reply by the author on 16-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I've added a few things to the passage, please let me know what you think.
"You know you would've laughed if it was me."
"Like the time you fell out of the boat?" Jeff chuckles.
Rachel recalls the bird attack. "That goose tried to kill me."
Jeff laughs again.
"I heard Rebeca isn't feeling well so I brought her a few books."
Thank you again for your kind review and for pointing out a rough spot. It's always greatly appreciated, take care.
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Perfect! It's much clearer who's talking now!
Comment from KatyM
Interesting chapter. So now I have a question for you. You might have answered the question before but I will ask it anyway, how do you make your cover for your book?
Hope all is going well for you. I got all my chapters corrected in Grammarly but I haven't put the new version on Fanstory yet, i don't think. I am working on it.
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Interesting chapter. So now I have a question for you. You might have answered the question before but I will ask it anyway, how do you make your cover for your book?
Hope all is going well for you. I got all my chapters corrected in Grammarly but I haven't put the new version on Fanstory yet, i don't think. I am working on it.
Comment Written 14-May-2019
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Thank you for your review it's always greatly appreciated.
I do one of two things. I either use canva.com or the editor in Amazon. The images I find in google. Be sure to pick the one that allows you to use, edit. Don't want you in trouble for pirating. Canva also has images some are free others cost a little. fivvar.com can make you a cover for around $5.00. Canva/ google idea is free unless you buy canva's images. I hope this helps.
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Ok thanks i will go check them out.
Comment from 24chas
A tough chapter for everyone involved. Now it's really going to hit the fan, I'm sure. Jeff's life is going to be even more miserable now. Poor Rachel having to deal with Julie as well. Good job. A few nits I found:
"Yes, I understand."... I will, love you too, honey." (don't need quote mark after understand)
"Rachel hands her a sketch. (don't need quote mark)
"The only thing we need protection from is your lies?" (exclamation point instead of a question mark)
Shoving her through the door, Julie slams the barrier too." (no quote mark)
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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A tough chapter for everyone involved. Now it's really going to hit the fan, I'm sure. Jeff's life is going to be even more miserable now. Poor Rachel having to deal with Julie as well. Good job. A few nits I found:
"Yes, I understand."... I will, love you too, honey." (don't need quote mark after understand)
"Rachel hands her a sketch. (don't need quote mark)
"The only thing we need protection from is your lies?" (exclamation point instead of a question mark)
Shoving her through the door, Julie slams the barrier too." (no quote mark)
Comment Written 14-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Thank you for your kind review and for finding my mistakes. Got a little carried away on the" lol. I do have a question about the first one. "Yes, I understand."... I will, love you too, honey."
Wouldn't I need " because of the pause? If so I'm still wrong because now I need " before the I.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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No, you can take it out because it's the same person speaking. And you're welcome. I really enjoy this story, it's great reading.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Terrific episode. I'm not surprised the wife doesn't believe Rachel. She will in time though. Now she's in shock, unable to accept the truth. I'm glad Rachel knows what is really going on and wants to protect Jeff's family. Does she know it's Bambini who has Jeff on a string?
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Terrific episode. I'm not surprised the wife doesn't believe Rachel. She will in time though. Now she's in shock, unable to accept the truth. I'm glad Rachel knows what is really going on and wants to protect Jeff's family. Does she know it's Bambini who has Jeff on a string?
Comment Written 14-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Thank you for such an exceptional review I am truly honored. It would be hard to accept, hopefully, the two will be able to mend hurt feelings over time. That's if Bambini doesn't get to her first. Yes, the cops believe Jeff is working for Bambini.
Thank you again for such a marvelous review, all your help, support and friendship, take care.
Comment from royowen
Poor Rachel, she's trying to protect her, and her family, but all Julie can see is friend betraying her, talk about a stuff up. We know Rachel, but she suspects something else too, she would guess that Jeff was also compelled, but he should have gone to the police, well done, good job, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Poor Rachel, she's trying to protect her, and her family, but all Julie can see is friend betraying her, talk about a stuff up. We know Rachel, but she suspects something else too, she would guess that Jeff was also compelled, but he should have gone to the police, well done, good job, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 14-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Poor Julie feels betrayed. Hopefully in time the two can make up, that's if Bambini doesn't get them.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
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Well done
