The Longest Day
Low on provisions.40 total reviews
Comment from Ben Colder
These are children playing as your notes describe. Yes? I prepared for a civil war novel and must say I was caught in the mind frame of the war. It could be spun into a good civil war story. You had me there for a minute. LOL.
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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These are children playing as your notes describe. Yes? I prepared for a civil war novel and must say I was caught in the mind frame of the war. It could be spun into a good civil war story. You had me there for a minute. LOL.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Yes, the twist at the end reveals this as children. In my notes it is described as me and my siblings along with our cousins playing war. We stayed outside all day playing in our cousin?s yard and I was both the nurse and the the one sent for food and drink. My two brothers were the commanding officers. My love of the Civil War helped this to sound authentic. I got ya! Thank you for the six and kind compliments. I appreciate you.
Always my best,
Sally the nurse and bearer of food
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Sounds like fun
Comment from LIJ Red
In my not particularly humble opinion, you have nailed the prompt for a seventy-five word flash fiction, although I was expecting something about Normandy landings in WWII...excellent post.
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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In my not particularly humble opinion, you have nailed the prompt for a seventy-five word flash fiction, although I was expecting something about Normandy landings in WWII...excellent post.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Thank you so much. I appreciate the excellent review and glad I got ya on this one!
Always my best to you and yours,
Sal :+)
Comment from Mastery
Very well done, Sal. LOL You had me going for sure. I love the way this brought back memories of my childhood almost instantly. Tree forts, sneaking out our "provisions" etc.
One suggestion: Fix the word "haste in this: "it made hast to our encampment."
Good luck in the contest, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Very well done, Sal. LOL You had me going for sure. I love the way this brought back memories of my childhood almost instantly. Tree forts, sneaking out our "provisions" etc.
One suggestion: Fix the word "haste in this: "it made hast to our encampment."
Good luck in the contest, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Thank you, Bob. I appreciate the excellent review and catching haste. My husband missed that, too. Need your good eyes. I am glad you enjoyed this and strolled down memory lane with me.
Always my best,
Sal ;+)
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Excellent. :) Bob
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your little story, Sally. I could 'see' this as I read it. The ending was priceless as is the picture. Good job nd thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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I enjoyed your little story, Sally. I could 'see' this as I read it. The ending was priceless as is the picture. Good job nd thanks for sharing. Best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Thank you dear Jan. I?m glad you like my intense story that gave way to silliness. I appreciate your excellent review and encouragement in all of my work. Always my best to you and yours, Sally xo
Comment from poetwatch
When the battle rages there are no exception for it to stop, but tell that to the hungry when food is in the menu, Sally. You made me smile lady. Yet, within the battle the wagon made (haste) not (hast) to our encampment. :) This is an excellent entry for the 75 Words Flash Fiction contest. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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When the battle rages there are no exception for it to stop, but tell that to the hungry when food is in the menu, Sally. You made me smile lady. Yet, within the battle the wagon made (haste) not (hast) to our encampment. :) This is an excellent entry for the 75 Words Flash Fiction contest. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Thank you dear poet for the exceptional review and kindest comments. I fixed haste, thank you. The e flew away. I?m so glad you liked this and it made you smile. Whenever I do that, I know I have won already.
Always my best to you and yours, Sally ;+)
Comment from WalkerMan
Ha! I got a kick out of the twist at the end of this one. Between the illustration and the first five paragraphs, you made this seem far more serious than it turned out to be. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Ha! I got a kick out of the twist at the end of this one. Between the illustration and the first five paragraphs, you made this seem far more serious than it turned out to be. Well done.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 06-May-2019
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Thank you Mike. I appreciate the the excellent review and catching haste. I just repaired it. As always, great eyes. I appreciate you so much.
Always my very best,
Sal :+))
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You are welcome, Sal. I see the typo correction and have removed my comment about it. Good luck in the contest.
-- Mike
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Thank you, Mike. You always make me look good. I appreciate that, a quality of a friend. :+))
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You are welcome, Sal. :))
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is a good entry for the competition. I think the effectiveness of any flash fiction piece lies with the twist, and I didn't see yours coming.
It's formatted as a series of single sentence paragraphs, and perhaps I'd think about revising that. Just a thought.
Good luck with the competition.
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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This is a good entry for the competition. I think the effectiveness of any flash fiction piece lies with the twist, and I didn't see yours coming.
It's formatted as a series of single sentence paragraphs, and perhaps I'd think about revising that. Just a thought.
Good luck with the competition.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Thank you so much, Alex dear. I appreciate the excellent review and critique. I?m glad if I caught you and gotcha! With my eyesight decline, these shorter pieces are easier on me. Thanks again and all my very best, Sal ;+)
Comment from royowen
Just love it, bringing back very fond memories of your childhood, I was sucked in by the serious rhetoric in the post, and then the end. I seriously thought it was a prologue to a book. A great post and entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : as it made hast(e) to our encampment.
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Just love it, bringing back very fond memories of your childhood, I was sucked in by the serious rhetoric in the post, and then the end. I seriously thought it was a prologue to a book. A great post and entry in this contest, good luck, blessings, Roy
Typo : as it made hast(e) to our encampment.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Thank you so much, Roy. I appreciate the excellent review and I?m glad you like the twist again. So you think this should be a prologue in a book, huh? I do enjoy reading a lot of Civil War pieces in it probably shows here. Always my best to you and yours, Sally
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And to yours Sally,
Comment from lyenochka
What a great imagination you had! I like that your dramatic creative play was also historically based. You got us by surprise with the sudden return to reality with Kool-aid and bologna!
"as it made hast to our " (haste)
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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What a great imagination you had! I like that your dramatic creative play was also historically based. You got us by surprise with the sudden return to reality with Kool-aid and bologna!
"as it made hast to our " (haste)
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Thank you so much, dear Helen. I appreciate your review and I?m glad I got ya at the end. Thankfully, I caught haste early on. The e escaped me. Always my best to you and yours, Sally xo
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Memories of food supplies being required when playing as children are uppermost on your mind here and I wondered where this write was going at first, especially with the picture, innocent fun was had by all Sally, Love Dolly x
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reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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Memories of food supplies being required when playing as children are uppermost on your mind here and I wondered where this write was going at first, especially with the picture, innocent fun was had by all Sally, Love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 07-May-2019
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I am glad you saw this as innocent fun, because I had a lot of fun writing this! My husband loved this, too. He howled with laughter. As always, I appreciate and value you and your reviews.
Always my best, dear Dolly,
Sal xo
Congratulations on your poem, Daffodils, too!
