Bangers and Mash
Short Story4 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
A nice entry for this contest.
Maybe I'd consider cutting back on the adjectives:
old leather satchel:
pot-bellied stove.
I love this sentence:
Mama died when I was born. I thought everybody's Mama died when they were born.
I'd have chosen that to start the narrative. It's just begging for the reader to read on.
Good luck with the competition.
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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A nice entry for this contest.
Maybe I'd consider cutting back on the adjectives:
old leather satchel:
pot-bellied stove.
I love this sentence:
Mama died when I was born. I thought everybody's Mama died when they were born.
I'd have chosen that to start the narrative. It's just begging for the reader to read on.
Good luck with the competition.
Comment Written 06-May-2019
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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Superb review and suggestions zanya
Comment from JudyE
This is very poignant. Wars are such dreadful things and I guess many a grandparent was left to bring up the children of those who served and lost their lives. I didn't find anything to suggest and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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This is very poignant. Wars are such dreadful things and I guess many a grandparent was left to bring up the children of those who served and lost their lives. I didn't find anything to suggest and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-May-2019
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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Great review zanya
Comment from 24chas
This was a good story. Sad, but well written. I like the relationship that the boy and his grandfather had together. It's just the two of them left now. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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This was a good story. Sad, but well written. I like the relationship that the boy and his grandfather had together. It's just the two of them left now. Nice job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-May-2019
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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Thanks for reading and interesting review zanya
Comment from Shirley McLain
Very nice story that I enjoyed reading. It was well written and had a child's perspective. Your characters were good and your dialogue realistic. You did a good job. Have a good evening. Shirley
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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Very nice story that I enjoyed reading. It was well written and had a child's perspective. Your characters were good and your dialogue realistic. You did a good job. Have a good evening. Shirley
Comment Written 05-May-2019
reply by the author on 08-May-2019
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Great review -much appreciated zanya
