A Second Chance With Randall
A beloved woman's life changes after widowhood.30 total reviews
Comment from Coco Jane
What a touching story! I am a cat-lover myself.
"My mother is letter her roots grow out?" . . . did you mean "letting"?
I like the repetition of the pink tissues. Nice touch.
Fussy point: If Etta's garden is in bloom when Randall dies, and then five or more weeks go by as she ignores her yard to play with the kitten, is it the right time for planting catnip?
I like the ending--not overstated.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a touching story! I am a cat-lover myself.
"My mother is letter her roots grow out?" . . . did you mean "letting"?
I like the repetition of the pink tissues. Nice touch.
Fussy point: If Etta's garden is in bloom when Randall dies, and then five or more weeks go by as she ignores her yard to play with the kitten, is it the right time for planting catnip?
I like the ending--not overstated.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Hmmmm. I didn't think about that technicality!! You must be a gardener! Thanks for that catch! Not sure what to do about it, though. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks, too, for the delightful review. xo
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Well, maybe Etta is still not quite right in the head? And maybe catnip grows fast and will be ready to use in a few weeks??
And maybe other readers won?t notice!
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Fair enough!! I'm going with that! xo
Comment from Colin John
Hi Rachelle, that was excellent and I like the way you keep the flow going never to get bored.A lovely story and although I have one, cats are not my thing really or reading about them I should say but because of your story-line it was just great. Thanks for sharing. Colin x
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Hi Rachelle, that was excellent and I like the way you keep the flow going never to get bored.A lovely story and although I have one, cats are not my thing really or reading about them I should say but because of your story-line it was just great. Thanks for sharing. Colin x
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a VERY sweet and encouraging review this is. I couldn't appreciate it more, Colin. Thank you. xo
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, what a wonderful story, Rachelle. I totally loved it. Dear Herb knew exactly what to do to help Etta through her grief, and it worked as he knew it would. Now, everyone else can relax and visit her. I am a big cat lover so I can quite see this little Randall doing all those naughty tricks. It's just lovely. Well done. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Oh, what a wonderful story, Rachelle. I totally loved it. Dear Herb knew exactly what to do to help Etta through her grief, and it worked as he knew it would. Now, everyone else can relax and visit her. I am a big cat lover so I can quite see this little Randall doing all those naughty tricks. It's just lovely. Well done. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thank you, Sandra! I totally appreciate this warm and encouraging review! xo
Comment from Gail Denham
Ok then - an interesting story - little different from your other offerings - you're creative. I enjoyed the story - it held my interest. There was humor and dialog - always a plus.
Couple things stopped me for a moment. First off, - "why weren't her daughters and friends dropping by - someone to visit?" Only two days since Randall's funeral - to be so alone, it should be longer I think.
Then the cat (and that was clever) - the story doesn't show her getting off the porch and walking to the cat in burlap.
Also I think 6 weeks is not enough time for the garden to go to pot. plus during that "worry" time of her daughters and friends, one of them would surely go to see her - esp. if they love her that much. I can't imagine them just worrying and not going. That would be easy to fix.
I like the ending, but again, in conversation the uncle would prob. have "let the cat out of the bag" to one of the daughters.
Hope you don't mind my comments - it's a good story - more time might go by since the funeral - the garden would just be a little sloppy - the daughters/friends would have gone over I think.
it's a very good story.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Ok then - an interesting story - little different from your other offerings - you're creative. I enjoyed the story - it held my interest. There was humor and dialog - always a plus.
Couple things stopped me for a moment. First off, - "why weren't her daughters and friends dropping by - someone to visit?" Only two days since Randall's funeral - to be so alone, it should be longer I think.
Then the cat (and that was clever) - the story doesn't show her getting off the porch and walking to the cat in burlap.
Also I think 6 weeks is not enough time for the garden to go to pot. plus during that "worry" time of her daughters and friends, one of them would surely go to see her - esp. if they love her that much. I can't imagine them just worrying and not going. That would be easy to fix.
I like the ending, but again, in conversation the uncle would prob. have "let the cat out of the bag" to one of the daughters.
Hope you don't mind my comments - it's a good story - more time might go by since the funeral - the garden would just be a little sloppy - the daughters/friends would have gone over I think.
it's a very good story.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thanks, Gail. I appreciate all your feedback.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Rach. Great short story, my friend. It has an eerie feel to it all the way through and has a happy ending.
Suggestions: Break up your opening paragraph. It is a bit long. I suggest you start a new one with these words: "As she looked at the soft pinks and white......"
(Would be as good a place as any. Remember, Rach, a paragraph is a "mental pause" for the reader. (You never want to cram too much at them right off the bat.)
And: Get rid of the word "Then" here: Then she blew her nose and ...." Just, she blew her nose ....etc"
Also: Redo this part: "And she wasn't the only one who thought so, either. Her famiy and friends had all loved Randall from the first day they met him and told her so as soon as he'd proposed." (mispelled family)
Try his, Rach: "She wasn't the only one who thought so. Her family and friends loved Randall from the first day they met him and told her as much when he proposed."
And I'm not too clear on this simile, my friend: "But Etta would always say that she'd never enjoy anything fun if her house weren't in apple-pie order first." (must be something better, I would think to make the point. Like perhaps, "....if her house wasn't spic and span."
And: "She took solace in the fact that he went quickly and while doing something he loved: (Make it clear as you are just now coming back to the original theme: So say, She took some solace in the fact that her husband went quickly."
Also: Word missing in here, I think, Rach: "She set out a small bowl of milk for him and watched as hunkered down in front of it and purred while his tiny tongue flurried in and out." ( watched as HE hunkered down etc etc.
I love the story, my friend. It just needs a bit of polish, in my opinion. Bless you, dear friend. Bob
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Hi, Rach. Great short story, my friend. It has an eerie feel to it all the way through and has a happy ending.
Suggestions: Break up your opening paragraph. It is a bit long. I suggest you start a new one with these words: "As she looked at the soft pinks and white......"
(Would be as good a place as any. Remember, Rach, a paragraph is a "mental pause" for the reader. (You never want to cram too much at them right off the bat.)
And: Get rid of the word "Then" here: Then she blew her nose and ...." Just, she blew her nose ....etc"
Also: Redo this part: "And she wasn't the only one who thought so, either. Her famiy and friends had all loved Randall from the first day they met him and told her so as soon as he'd proposed." (mispelled family)
Try his, Rach: "She wasn't the only one who thought so. Her family and friends loved Randall from the first day they met him and told her as much when he proposed."
And I'm not too clear on this simile, my friend: "But Etta would always say that she'd never enjoy anything fun if her house weren't in apple-pie order first." (must be something better, I would think to make the point. Like perhaps, "....if her house wasn't spic and span."
And: "She took solace in the fact that he went quickly and while doing something he loved: (Make it clear as you are just now coming back to the original theme: So say, She took some solace in the fact that her husband went quickly."
Also: Word missing in here, I think, Rach: "She set out a small bowl of milk for him and watched as hunkered down in front of it and purred while his tiny tongue flurried in and out." ( watched as HE hunkered down etc etc.
I love the story, my friend. It just needs a bit of polish, in my opinion. Bless you, dear friend. Bob
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thanks, Bob. I'm sorry I needed so much work here!! But I sincerely appreciate your taking the time and putting your excellent tweaking skills to work for me. That is extremely generous of you. xo
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Anything for you, my friend. I do hope you think it looks and sounds better now?? Bob
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:) Bob
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Yes, I definitely do. Thank you for all your help. The only thing I kept was "apple pie order" because that is a term I used to hear all the time growing up from my grandma and her friends. It means "just so" or "perfect."
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Oh, I know what it meant, /Rach...I sort of knew it was a family keepsake too, but for the purposes of this story, I thought perhaps something stronger. Don't mind me. You know better than I. LOL
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I so do NOT!! You slay me! xo
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Trying to think who it was that used to say that a lot. "You slay me" Indeed. :) Me
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I'm ruminating about that 'spic and span' thought, Bob. I still might just change it. I do appreciate your input and expertise very much. I love that you have my back the way you do. It means a lot to me. xo
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There is probably a lot that are better than "spic and span" too, Rach, like "just so"
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I hear you. I'll give it all kinds of thought this afternoon while I'm at lessons. Thanks again. xo
Comment from Tina Crute
Herb is one smart cookie for dropping that cat off near Etta's! There are so many cool intricacies in your story, like the cat's color of fur, which was butterscotch like her husband Randall's hair, so she called it Randall, right out of the sack.I laughed when her friends thought she was losing it because she had to take care of Randall! I love how Randall watches her and she talks to him; it's very sweet. Etta again has someone to love and take care of.
This is engaging and fun, and a feel-good story!
Two typos...and then buy you AN ice cream(5 lines under picture)
Get it DONE efficiently(16 sections of words before end)
Typos have NO effect on my review. I go for content:)
My super talented best friend writes books and I edited one of hers, and she got (jokingly) annoyed with me, because I found so many little things to fix. I can't help it. I see them easily for some reason, so let me know if you would rather I shush!
LOVED your story.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Herb is one smart cookie for dropping that cat off near Etta's! There are so many cool intricacies in your story, like the cat's color of fur, which was butterscotch like her husband Randall's hair, so she called it Randall, right out of the sack.I laughed when her friends thought she was losing it because she had to take care of Randall! I love how Randall watches her and she talks to him; it's very sweet. Etta again has someone to love and take care of.
This is engaging and fun, and a feel-good story!
Two typos...and then buy you AN ice cream(5 lines under picture)
Get it DONE efficiently(16 sections of words before end)
Typos have NO effect on my review. I go for content:)
My super talented best friend writes books and I edited one of hers, and she got (jokingly) annoyed with me, because I found so many little things to fix. I can't help it. I see them easily for some reason, so let me know if you would rather I shush!
LOVED your story.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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No, no, I'm always APPRECIATIVE when people point out nits! To me, that says they have my back. Thank you, Tina. xo
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ok, whew!
You are very talented, my friend!
Tina
Comment from 24chas
What a great story, Rachelle. I never thought I'd like a story about a cat and an old widower so much, but your style made it not only memorable but enchanting. A well deserved six! A couple of nits:
then buy you and (an) ice cream,(.)"
But Etta would always say that she'd never enjoy anything fun if her house weren't (wasn't) in apple-pie order first.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a great story, Rachelle. I never thought I'd like a story about a cat and an old widower so much, but your style made it not only memorable but enchanting. A well deserved six! A couple of nits:
then buy you and (an) ice cream,(.)"
But Etta would always say that she'd never enjoy anything fun if her house weren't (wasn't) in apple-pie order first.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thank you, 24chas!! This means the world to me from a non-cat-lover!!
And thanks for finding those nits! You're my hero today. xo
Comment from JudyE
What a heart-warming story. Pets are wonderful therapy.
I did pick up some spags:
Her famiy and friends - family
and then buy you and ice cream- an ice-cream
The cord around the opening was knotted too tightly for her to untie it without scissors, - delete 'it'
The cries from inside the bag became higher and more frenetic with each bustling step Etta took. - delete 'Etta took'
When she set it onto the floor in her living room and snipped the cord in half, creating an opening for the creature within - maybe delete 'in half'
Then, with round, green yes, - green eyes
he looked up at her and licked off the last of the white bubbles from his chin, his whiskers arcing up and down in the process. - perhaps 'licked the last of the white bubbles off his chin'
But before she could console her any further, Etta said, "I can't talk right now, Dear. I have to help Randall." - would 'dear' be lower-case?
Sylvia and Betty, Etta's friends since grade school, called, too, too cheer her up and suggest outings. - delete comma after 'called', then 'to cheer her up'. So it ends up: Sylvia and Betty, Etta's friends since grade school, called too, to cheer her up and suggest outings
One day, he'd needed help disentangling himself from the pull-cord on the Venetian blinds. - lower case I think for 'venetian'
When Etta followed the sounds of his imploring cries that time, he'd been swinging like Tarzan from one side of the picture window to the other, raising and lowering the blinds with each pendulous sway. - delete 'that time'
Within a month, she was playing with him through the night and then sleeping, with him on her pillow, past noon every day. - maybe 'then sleeping past noon every day, with him on her pillow'
On Wednesday, en route to their monthly Bridge luncheon, - lower case for 'bridge' perhaps
It wasn't until Etta missed her bi-monthly hair color appoint - did you mean 'appointment'? I haven't heard of an appoint.
"My mother is letter her roots grow out?" - letting her roots
Since she'd been old enough to talk, Colleen had enchanted Herb with her Get It Don Efficiently And By The Rules personality, - Get It Done
Betty and Sylvia blotted away tears, too, and then hugged as the grief counselor gave Herb an admiring smile. She slid her notes back into their portfolio. - 'her portfolio'?
"So listen," said Herb. "I'm wondering, now that you're all feeling so relived here, - relieved
Kind regards. Judy
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reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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What a heart-warming story. Pets are wonderful therapy.
I did pick up some spags:
Her famiy and friends - family
and then buy you and ice cream- an ice-cream
The cord around the opening was knotted too tightly for her to untie it without scissors, - delete 'it'
The cries from inside the bag became higher and more frenetic with each bustling step Etta took. - delete 'Etta took'
When she set it onto the floor in her living room and snipped the cord in half, creating an opening for the creature within - maybe delete 'in half'
Then, with round, green yes, - green eyes
he looked up at her and licked off the last of the white bubbles from his chin, his whiskers arcing up and down in the process. - perhaps 'licked the last of the white bubbles off his chin'
But before she could console her any further, Etta said, "I can't talk right now, Dear. I have to help Randall." - would 'dear' be lower-case?
Sylvia and Betty, Etta's friends since grade school, called, too, too cheer her up and suggest outings. - delete comma after 'called', then 'to cheer her up'. So it ends up: Sylvia and Betty, Etta's friends since grade school, called too, to cheer her up and suggest outings
One day, he'd needed help disentangling himself from the pull-cord on the Venetian blinds. - lower case I think for 'venetian'
When Etta followed the sounds of his imploring cries that time, he'd been swinging like Tarzan from one side of the picture window to the other, raising and lowering the blinds with each pendulous sway. - delete 'that time'
Within a month, she was playing with him through the night and then sleeping, with him on her pillow, past noon every day. - maybe 'then sleeping past noon every day, with him on her pillow'
On Wednesday, en route to their monthly Bridge luncheon, - lower case for 'bridge' perhaps
It wasn't until Etta missed her bi-monthly hair color appoint - did you mean 'appointment'? I haven't heard of an appoint.
"My mother is letter her roots grow out?" - letting her roots
Since she'd been old enough to talk, Colleen had enchanted Herb with her Get It Don Efficiently And By The Rules personality, - Get It Done
Betty and Sylvia blotted away tears, too, and then hugged as the grief counselor gave Herb an admiring smile. She slid her notes back into their portfolio. - 'her portfolio'?
"So listen," said Herb. "I'm wondering, now that you're all feeling so relived here, - relieved
Kind regards. Judy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Wow!! I'm having quite the off day!! Thanks for all this work you had to do, Judy. (No wonder you won Reviewer of the Month!) xo
Comment from judiverse
A+++! Great story. I can attest to the wonderful powers of pets to enhance our lives. Etta might have caused less anxiety among friends and relatives if she'd chosen another name for the cat, but it's understandable that she would name him after her late husband. Her unexpected find of the city helped give Etta a reason to live. As you show in the story, we do make accommodations for our pets, as Etta did for Randall. I think it's very realistic that the women would misinterpret Etta's changes in her routine. Delightful story. judi
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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A+++! Great story. I can attest to the wonderful powers of pets to enhance our lives. Etta might have caused less anxiety among friends and relatives if she'd chosen another name for the cat, but it's understandable that she would name him after her late husband. Her unexpected find of the city helped give Etta a reason to live. As you show in the story, we do make accommodations for our pets, as Etta did for Randall. I think it's very realistic that the women would misinterpret Etta's changes in her routine. Delightful story. judi
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thank you very much, Judi! I appreciate this warm and gracious feedback! xo
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You're very welcome. I think a cat would make a better companion than the android companion I wrote about! judi
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hahaha
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It's amazing how pets can make our lives livelier! judi
Comment from Bill Pinder
That is a great story about a woman and her second Randall. That was a great way to weave in humor and surprise about how a cat appeared near her home. Pets are a great way to brighten up someone's life when they're really a pet lover.
Bill
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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That is a great story about a woman and her second Randall. That was a great way to weave in humor and surprise about how a cat appeared near her home. Pets are a great way to brighten up someone's life when they're really a pet lover.
Bill
Comment Written 01-May-2019
reply by the author on 01-May-2019
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Thank you, Bill. This is a really warm and gracious review that I appreciate very much. xo
