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Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Dark Vacancy"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
4 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
This was a great installment to your novel. It had just enough background. Good narration. Good dialogue. Good verbiage. Full of good details, and holding the thrill of suspense. Nice work :)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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This was a great installment to your novel. It had just enough background. Good narration. Good dialogue. Good verbiage. Full of good details, and holding the thrill of suspense. Nice work :)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your encouraging and insightful review. Your encouraging comment is very supportive and helpful to know it's headed (slowly) in the right direction. Thank you :)
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you juxtapose mundane and humorous dialogue between the roommates against some supernatural eerie ghostly event so the reader is left to wonder which is more real. Perhaps it is El, who is so versed in comic books, and has baseball dreams and was a hero for his sister in the past, who alone can solve the mystery of that empty room. Great job.
"no light, man made or natural," (manmade)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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I like how you juxtapose mundane and humorous dialogue between the roommates against some supernatural eerie ghostly event so the reader is left to wonder which is more real. Perhaps it is El, who is so versed in comic books, and has baseball dreams and was a hero for his sister in the past, who alone can solve the mystery of that empty room. Great job.
"no light, man made or natural," (manmade)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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It?s tricky trying to combine different feels that best bring out the right reactions to various genres. I appreciate your positive support in identifying that. I feel I?m headed into the right direction. :)
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I think you are, too. In human consciousness, we do go back and forth in different realities influenced by different genres.
Comment from giraffmang
That's a great opening segment which draws the reader in very well.
I enjoyed the 'dorky' references. lol
"According to your palm, - insert a clear line before this one.
"Are talking about Jor El?"- insert we or you after Are.
One could mistaken the large tree in front of the window, - mistake?
sported the number 42 on his baseball jersey. - I love when folk use the number 42.
The closing couple of paragraphs bring good revelations and a sense of the ominous.
Great stuff again
G
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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That's a great opening segment which draws the reader in very well.
I enjoyed the 'dorky' references. lol
"According to your palm, - insert a clear line before this one.
"Are talking about Jor El?"- insert we or you after Are.
One could mistaken the large tree in front of the window, - mistake?
sported the number 42 on his baseball jersey. - I love when folk use the number 42.
The closing couple of paragraphs bring good revelations and a sense of the ominous.
Great stuff again
G
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Well noted, G. Thank you for again for the noted errors. I never fail to have issues with the grammatical aspect of the art of writing :(
I?m glad that you find the timing of events to be workable in maintaining a that cryptic and dorky feel of the story. Thank you 😊
-Euell
Comment from susand3022
Hi Cybertron, This is sort of strange, weird, bizarre and twisted with a dash of crazy tossed in for flavor. LOL, I loved the Star Wars reference, right in my wheelhouse... lets me know that you were there when it came out. LOL, Nobody today watches StarWars first. I remember everyone being sure that Luke and Leia were going to 'do it' in the end! Then they turned out to be twins and we all wanted to wash our mouths out with soap for even thinking about it! Ick!!! LOL!!! ;)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Hi Cybertron, This is sort of strange, weird, bizarre and twisted with a dash of crazy tossed in for flavor. LOL, I loved the Star Wars reference, right in my wheelhouse... lets me know that you were there when it came out. LOL, Nobody today watches StarWars first. I remember everyone being sure that Luke and Leia were going to 'do it' in the end! Then they turned out to be twins and we all wanted to wash our mouths out with soap for even thinking about it! Ick!!! LOL!!! ;)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your positive review. I?m glad you caught that Star Wars? factoid. I purposefully used it to achieve that ?80s feel to the story as to enhance the story?s timeline. I?m prettt sure the new generation won?t be able to grasp that detail as engagingly as you and I :) Well done! Thank you!
