On Giving...
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Your Presence"My 2019 NaPoWriMo poetic exploration.
10 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
You do not say whether the abb rhyme scheme that is repeated in each tercet is a requirement of the form or your own embellishment. Either way it is very effective. The somewhat psychedelic picture (I imagine it features the aurora borealis) made me wonder at first whether one of those gifts had been slightly acidic!
This line caught my eye.
'a tall spruce tree -- whose subtle and slow'
The whose you've used is possessive e.g. Whose pigs are these?
That spruce tree is one who is subtle and slow and so should be who's.
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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You do not say whether the abb rhyme scheme that is repeated in each tercet is a requirement of the form or your own embellishment. Either way it is very effective. The somewhat psychedelic picture (I imagine it features the aurora borealis) made me wonder at first whether one of those gifts had been slightly acidic!
This line caught my eye.
'a tall spruce tree -- whose subtle and slow'
The whose you've used is possessive e.g. Whose pigs are these?
That spruce tree is one who is subtle and slow and so should be who's.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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There is no rhyme scheme requirement in this format, so that would be my own addition. I'm happy that you found it to be effective. I eliminated the whose and changed it to sways... problem solved :)
Thank you so much!
Kim
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written love poem in the 3-6-9 format and the aurora that is part of your lifestyle in Alaska. It is a great poem and a very good picture of the aurora.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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A very well-written love poem in the 3-6-9 format and the aurora that is part of your lifestyle in Alaska. It is a great poem and a very good picture of the aurora.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much, Sandra. :)
Comment from CD Richards
Your poem certainly fits the brief as far as the combination of sentiment towards a lover and nature goes, Kim. I think the picture choice is excellent. You've done a fine job, and I imagine James must be tickled pink over the compliments. Congratulations on the upcoming anniversary, and best of luck in the contest.
Craig
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Your poem certainly fits the brief as far as the combination of sentiment towards a lover and nature goes, Kim. I think the picture choice is excellent. You've done a fine job, and I imagine James must be tickled pink over the compliments. Congratulations on the upcoming anniversary, and best of luck in the contest.
Craig
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Hi Craig,
I haven't given him the poem yet, but you know the nature of our relationship. He rarely reads them lol Our anniversary is May 7th and I have a Face-Off Club meeting that night. We may go out to dinner afterward lol Not sure where that celebration will end up. Thank you so much!
Kim
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Lovely comparisons between nature and you and your man. I particularly like the -tall spruce tree - and -branches protect me - a different but delightful love poem Kim.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Lovely comparisons between nature and you and your man. I particularly like the -tall spruce tree - and -branches protect me - a different but delightful love poem Kim.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Hi Valda -
That is my favorite part, too! :) Thank you for the wonderful comments!
Kim
Comment from Beri Bee
This is a fantastic love poem! It's transcendent! Bands of your aurora show! That's an exquisite line! For me, this is evokes a feeling like what I get from Sonnets from the Portugeuse by Browning. I almost fainted when I read how long you've been married. It's inspiring and magical to know such feeling can really exist on such a level. Well done! Congratulations too!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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This is a fantastic love poem! It's transcendent! Bands of your aurora show! That's an exquisite line! For me, this is evokes a feeling like what I get from Sonnets from the Portugeuse by Browning. I almost fainted when I read how long you've been married. It's inspiring and magical to know such feeling can really exist on such a level. Well done! Congratulations too!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Hi Beri!
This has to be one of my best reviews ever! You humble me with your enthusiasm. Thank you so much!
Kim
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a lovely poem, romantic and tender. I wouldn't change a thing. It's perfect just the way it is. The image is appropriate for theme and relates the magnetic, electric, intrinsic to your relationship. Marilyn
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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This is a lovely poem, romantic and tender. I wouldn't change a thing. It's perfect just the way it is. The image is appropriate for theme and relates the magnetic, electric, intrinsic to your relationship. Marilyn
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 03-May-2019
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Hi Marilyn -
Thank you for the vote of confidence on this one! :) I was happy with the way it turned out, too!
Kim
Comment from lyenochka
Loved it and the picture is perfect - both because of how famous Alaska is for auroras and you reference it in your poem. I know we recently had a 3-6-9 poetry contest but yours goes one stanza more and you've given it a name.
"whose subtle and slow" (who's) I feel like you're saying 'who is' not the possessive here.
May your marriage continue to be blessed and your love keep overflowing! Best to you in the contest, Kim!
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Loved it and the picture is perfect - both because of how famous Alaska is for auroras and you reference it in your poem. I know we recently had a 3-6-9 poetry contest but yours goes one stanza more and you've given it a name.
"whose subtle and slow" (who's) I feel like you're saying 'who is' not the possessive here.
May your marriage continue to be blessed and your love keep overflowing! Best to you in the contest, Kim!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Hi Helen -
The Parallelogram de Crystalline is one I discovered on Shadowpoetry years ago, though, I haven't written many of them. I was wondering if they maybe borrowed a bit from it for that 3-6-9 contest.
in regards to this section:
whose subtle and slow
prolific
branches protect me so?
I was thinking more along the lines of a slow, strong hug... being wrapped up in branches of the tree (or a husband's arms.)
Thank you for taking the time to read and review. :)
Kim
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Okay, that makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Happy Anniversary Kim and your write is a tribute to your long married life and wonderful years together, much enjoyed, and I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Happy Anniversary Kim and your write is a tribute to your long married life and wonderful years together, much enjoyed, and I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Hi Dolly,
Thank you so much for the lovely comments and compliments.
Kim
Comment from Sasha
This is another terrific chapter to your book On Giving... I enjoyed it very much as, as always, sincerely wish you all the best in this month long contest.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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This is another terrific chapter to your book On Giving... I enjoyed it very much as, as always, sincerely wish you all the best in this month long contest.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Hi Sasha -
I'm hoping that I'm giving a bit of time to each aspect of giving that should be represented. We're drawing near the end of the month and it dawned on me that I had yet to really write about James, and he gives me more than anyone. :) I'm so happy you enjoyed this one, too. Thanks!
Kim
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I think you are doing a great job with that goal.
Comment from dovemarie
Dear Kim, Beautiful words and rhyming in this love poem. I'm glad your husband and you have been together for so long. Is an "alpen" something of nature in Alaska, like a tree or something? That intrigued me - "alpenglow."
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Dear Kim, Beautiful words and rhyming in this love poem. I'm glad your husband and you have been together for so long. Is an "alpen" something of nature in Alaska, like a tree or something? That intrigued me - "alpenglow."
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Hi Donna,
Thank you for the lovely comments. I suppose alpenglow may be more of a northern term. Here is the definition:
noun: alpenglow
the rosy light of the setting or rising sun seen on high mountains.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review.
Kim
