Jimmy's Friend
a dribble17 total reviews
Comment from Gail Denham
What a sad commentary on son and his father. But an interesting way to describe this type of connection (or should I say non-connection). It's something to make a person think.
good story
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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What a sad commentary on son and his father. But an interesting way to describe this type of connection (or should I say non-connection). It's something to make a person think.
good story
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Gail.
Comment from trimple
Good evening, Bill
This is quite a sad read :( the child's self-esteem must be pretty low.
A really great little profound read.
I wish you luck in the contest, Bill. SHould do very well indeed.
kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Good evening, Bill
This is quite a sad read :( the child's self-esteem must be pretty low.
A really great little profound read.
I wish you luck in the contest, Bill. SHould do very well indeed.
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Tracey.
Comment from frogbook
Quite frightening, my friend. Who doesn't hate a puppet? They are just down right frightening to began with and here you make one say something to scare me more. A winning entry I says.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Quite frightening, my friend. Who doesn't hate a puppet? They are just down right frightening to began with and here you make one say something to scare me more. A winning entry I says.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, FB, for the kind review. Bill
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
He he he, the dummy is a gem and I love these kind of acts which are dying out these days, the cheekier, the better, you should write some scripts for the two of them, you'd be good at it Bill, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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He he he, the dummy is a gem and I love these kind of acts which are dying out these days, the cheekier, the better, you should write some scripts for the two of them, you'd be good at it Bill, love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Dolly, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image, Bill,
and a good dribble, too.
-The opening paragraphs
introduce us to Jimmy
as he addresses the dummy.
-The dummy's response
is unexpected and Jimmy is
obviously upset by it.
-You give him and the
reader something to
think about at the end.
-There is a sadness
and bitterness to
the response.
-Well done, good luck
in the contest.
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This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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-A good image, Bill,
and a good dribble, too.
-The opening paragraphs
introduce us to Jimmy
as he addresses the dummy.
-The dummy's response
is unexpected and Jimmy is
obviously upset by it.
-You give him and the
reader something to
think about at the end.
-There is a sadness
and bitterness to
the response.
-Well done, good luck
in the contest.
-
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Pam, for the thorough review. Bill
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You are welcome, Bill.
Comment from humpwhistle
Whoa! That's pretty harsh. But I get it. When kids are taught they are worthless, they believe it--even their alter-egos will reinforce the learned mantra. Deep, Bill. Deep, and dark.
Best of luck to you.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Whoa! That's pretty harsh. But I get it. When kids are taught they are worthless, they believe it--even their alter-egos will reinforce the learned mantra. Deep, Bill. Deep, and dark.
Best of luck to you.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Lee. I was actually going for cute until I ran out of words. I had to pare off so much, it turned out as this sad revelation of a child's beaten-down self-image.
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Still, you make a solid point. Flash is really tricky. The trap is trying to fit a 100 word story into a 50 word contest. I always try to fit a 10 word story into 50 words.
I don't know if this will help. L
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now that is creepy! To have a dummy tell you he is your father and that you don't deserve any friends is awful. I'd soon fix his game, I'd rip his head off!!! lol. That little Dribble Fiction said an awful lot, Bill. A horror story in so few words. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Now that is creepy! To have a dummy tell you he is your father and that you don't deserve any friends is awful. I'd soon fix his game, I'd rip his head off!!! lol. That little Dribble Fiction said an awful lot, Bill. A horror story in so few words. Well done and good luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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I had hoped to be cute, but the need to choose words and stay at fifty made this darker version appear.
