Jimmy's Friend
a dribble17 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Oh dear. A sad poem. Everybody deserves to have friends. This is a macabre little dribble story that has a shocking twist and yet it reads well with an unexpected ending. Marilyn
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Oh dear. A sad poem. Everybody deserves to have friends. This is a macabre little dribble story that has a shocking twist and yet it reads well with an unexpected ending. Marilyn
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Marilyn.
Comment from giraffmang
This is either incredibly creepy or incredibly sad, I just can't decide on which one. I'm assuming Jimmy is quite young and most likely abused in some way, certainly neglected. Either that or he's schizophrenic and deeply disturbed.
Or possibly the dummy is Pinocchio in a bizarre twist of face and really did give his mother some wood...
Whatever it's a thoughtful piece.
G
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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This is either incredibly creepy or incredibly sad, I just can't decide on which one. I'm assuming Jimmy is quite young and most likely abused in some way, certainly neglected. Either that or he's schizophrenic and deeply disturbed.
Or possibly the dummy is Pinocchio in a bizarre twist of face and really did give his mother some wood...
Whatever it's a thoughtful piece.
G
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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I?ll go with the first situation. Thanks for looking in, g.
Comment from nomi338
Boy talk about the need for friends. Even this poor guy's dummy is dissing him. Who the heck needs enemies when the dummy you give a voice to expresses the self-hate you feel inside, it is time to pack it in and just go away somewhere and cry or die.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Boy talk about the need for friends. Even this poor guy's dummy is dissing him. Who the heck needs enemies when the dummy you give a voice to expresses the self-hate you feel inside, it is time to pack it in and just go away somewhere and cry or die.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Sad when one turns on himself.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very sad a unbelievable read to some.... but to those of us around youth alot...? Sadly, not so unbelievable... what an awesome and thought-provoking entry here, Sir Bill! :) Good luck in the contest! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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A very sad a unbelievable read to some.... but to those of us around youth alot...? Sadly, not so unbelievable... what an awesome and thought-provoking entry here, Sir Bill! :) Good luck in the contest! :) Yvette
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thank you, Yvette.
Comment from Alex Rosel
Ha, ha. A unique take on the flash fiction genre. A twinge of horror and fantasy all rolled into just 50 words.
Having said that, personally, I think you could give the first paragraph more impact, a sharper hook. But that's nitpicking since with only 50 words in total, the reader isn't likely to give up reading for lack of a hook.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Ha, ha. A unique take on the flash fiction genre. A twinge of horror and fantasy all rolled into just 50 words.
Having said that, personally, I think you could give the first paragraph more impact, a sharper hook. But that's nitpicking since with only 50 words in total, the reader isn't likely to give up reading for lack of a hook.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Alex.
Comment from jenintorre
O.M.G. what a creepy little story, it gave me goose bumps. This is very thought provoking. Great but scary artwork. I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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O.M.G. what a creepy little story, it gave me goose bumps. This is very thought provoking. Great but scary artwork. I wish you lots of luck in the competition. Best wishes. Jen
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Jen
Comment from Earl Corp
Jesus, that is a dark story. It's Too bad they didn't have a horror flash fiction contest going right now, this would be the winner. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Jesus, that is a dark story. It's Too bad they didn't have a horror flash fiction contest going right now, this would be the winner. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Earl.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting Dribble Flash Fiction you have penned for the contest. You used very good words and the imagery was really good and went well with this story. I was a little baffled when it said "I'm your father, James." Maybe a ghost? Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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This is a very interesting Dribble Flash Fiction you have penned for the contest. You used very good words and the imagery was really good and went well with this story. I was a little baffled when it said "I'm your father, James." Maybe a ghost? Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Jimmy is repeating what his father told him. Kids often see themselves as they are accused.
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oh o.k. I can see that now! Thanks for letting me know!
Comment from judiverse
A puppet can sometimes turn malevolent. It's creepy that this puppet turns out to be Jimmy's puppet claims to be his father. His father must have been pretty sorry, as he tells Jimmy he doesn't deserve to have any friends. Nice build-up to your conclusion, and best of luck in the Dribble Flash Fiction contest. judi
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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A puppet can sometimes turn malevolent. It's creepy that this puppet turns out to be Jimmy's puppet claims to be his father. His father must have been pretty sorry, as he tells Jimmy he doesn't deserve to have any friends. Nice build-up to your conclusion, and best of luck in the Dribble Flash Fiction contest. judi
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Judi. Sometimes kids believe what they hear.
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You're welcome, and good luck. judi
Comment from lyenochka
Oh-oh. I wonder if Jimmy's name should be "Luke" and then you'd have the Star Wars reference to "Luke, I'm your father (wheez wheez)" Best to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Oh-oh. I wonder if Jimmy's name should be "Luke" and then you'd have the Star Wars reference to "Luke, I'm your father (wheez wheez)" Best to you in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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I was going for sad, but that would probably by cooler.
