Be Wee With Bea Part2
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Everything in Balance"Continuation of Bea's Strollings
12 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a well-written chapter. It's a great introduction to a few colorful characters and more of a look into Bee's personally her life. I love how you give what she does exercises. Humble, brain and notice exercises. It's a good, yet original concept, nicely done.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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This is a well-written chapter. It's a great introduction to a few colorful characters and more of a look into Bee's personally her life. I love how you give what she does exercises. Humble, brain and notice exercises. It's a good, yet original concept, nicely done.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Thank you for the supportive review. Interestingly enough, a few have said they don't get the exercise thing. My thought is that when we do an exercise we have t be more conscious of what we are doing. It's my Echart Tolle influence, being conscious os what we are doing in the present.
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
Hi Liz, I made a few notes as I read - hopefully they will be useful. :)
actually - not really needed.
...upsetting her(,) it helped... add comma.
...adventures and how much... and how. Bit clunky with three ands?
You use 'had' a lot. It feels a bit flat because of that. 'd is usually only used in speech - she'd They'd leapt out.
Loved the rocks tumbled in the ricer until they are smooth. - are is a switch in tense though - WERE smooth?
Smoothed and rough are repeated two sentences. ;)
Confused a bit by the 'proud little bear'. It was a raccoon and Bea. Is Bea a bear?
who (knows) how long. Know is present tense.
How did she 'look sad'. Eyes? Body hunched?
Sung a song to her to get her to come join her and scruffles. - your 'hers' swap over. Last one is Bea.
Who/what is Scruffles? Not clear.
A perfect example of...her paths. - take a look. This doesn't read right, I think there's a word missing?
were the sad children waiting to give hope? Think a comma before 'waiting' fixes it.
This was very intriguing, it seemed to be entirely a thinking back segment. I realised Bea must be a bear as I read on. Is there a reason we don't see what Bea is doing right now? Just the things she has already done? With everything in the passive past tense, this felt flat.
The story is inventive, as is the world, so I enjoyed looking in on Bea.
You have a solid and promising draft.
I hope my comments help, but if I'm missing the mark, then ignore them. ;) Karen.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2019
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Hi Liz, I made a few notes as I read - hopefully they will be useful. :)
actually - not really needed.
...upsetting her(,) it helped... add comma.
...adventures and how much... and how. Bit clunky with three ands?
You use 'had' a lot. It feels a bit flat because of that. 'd is usually only used in speech - she'd They'd leapt out.
Loved the rocks tumbled in the ricer until they are smooth. - are is a switch in tense though - WERE smooth?
Smoothed and rough are repeated two sentences. ;)
Confused a bit by the 'proud little bear'. It was a raccoon and Bea. Is Bea a bear?
who (knows) how long. Know is present tense.
How did she 'look sad'. Eyes? Body hunched?
Sung a song to her to get her to come join her and scruffles. - your 'hers' swap over. Last one is Bea.
Who/what is Scruffles? Not clear.
A perfect example of...her paths. - take a look. This doesn't read right, I think there's a word missing?
were the sad children waiting to give hope? Think a comma before 'waiting' fixes it.
This was very intriguing, it seemed to be entirely a thinking back segment. I realised Bea must be a bear as I read on. Is there a reason we don't see what Bea is doing right now? Just the things she has already done? With everything in the passive past tense, this felt flat.
The story is inventive, as is the world, so I enjoyed looking in on Bea.
You have a solid and promising draft.
I hope my comments help, but if I'm missing the mark, then ignore them. ;) Karen.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your helpful review. I've copied your suggestions to check out.
Comment from Randa Dayle
Very imaginative. I love your picture about the swirls and then how you tie it into these sentences...During this time she would practice more of her brain and notice exercises. She realized everything leads to something else and then twirls back around...nicely done!
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2019
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Very imaginative. I love your picture about the swirls and then how you tie it into these sentences...During this time she would practice more of her brain and notice exercises. She realized everything leads to something else and then twirls back around...nicely done!
Comment Written 20-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your positive appreciative review.
Comment from LIJ Red
This reads like something to be read aloud to youngsters, so exposition is acceptable in an introductory chapter, but as the story moves, maybe more dialog with informative speech tags would hold the reader tighter...excellent post.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2019
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This reads like something to be read aloud to youngsters, so exposition is acceptable in an introductory chapter, but as the story moves, maybe more dialog with informative speech tags would hold the reader tighter...excellent post.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2019
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I've been recently given suggestion to use dialogue. Right now it kind of panics me. I've never used it before. I will experiment on some stuff. I promise. lol . Thank you for your helpful review.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Liz. Your writing is exceptional, so clear and charming. I loved this part, in particular: "She realized everything leads to something else and then twirls back around. That must be how problems got solved." There are other wonderful sentences, too. Another wonderful job by you. Marilyn
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Hi Liz. Your writing is exceptional, so clear and charming. I loved this part, in particular: "She realized everything leads to something else and then twirls back around. That must be how problems got solved." There are other wonderful sentences, too. Another wonderful job by you. Marilyn
Comment Written 12-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for your affirming review. I'm so glad you are enjoying my writing.
Comment from Beck Fenton
I like this opening to your second book. It is a good reminder of Bea's friends and how they all fit together for Bea.
You may want to remind your readers (and fill in new ones) by explaining step-stooling exercise. I don't remember it.... sigh.
I'll be watching for a new installment.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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I like this opening to your second book. It is a good reminder of Bea's friends and how they all fit together for Bea.
You may want to remind your readers (and fill in new ones) by explaining step-stooling exercise. I don't remember it.... sigh.
I'll be watching for a new installment.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank you for that thing about the repeating explanation about stepstooling. I didn't want to sound repetitive. But I guess that is necessary. Did you read Chap 1. That is very important to read to follow the mystery of this first half of the book. I love it. It's genius. I'm not sure how it even came to me.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Liz. I enjoy your chapters very much. Your slant on storytelling and the story as well as the characters, of course, make for a wonderful experience.
Two suggestions, my friend, if i may. First and foremost, you need to incorporate dialogue in your story somehow. Give them voice because dialogue is the one single thing that helps propel a story forward.
Secondly: You should learn the basic principle of story-telling. That is "show don't tell"
Most, if not all of your writing is "telling" the story.
Then difference in showing is that you show the action by using, sound, sight, taste, touch and smell in your story. If you like I will take one of your paragraphs and show you then difference because learning the concept is not easy at first. Let me know. Bless you, Liz. Bob
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Hi, Liz. I enjoy your chapters very much. Your slant on storytelling and the story as well as the characters, of course, make for a wonderful experience.
Two suggestions, my friend, if i may. First and foremost, you need to incorporate dialogue in your story somehow. Give them voice because dialogue is the one single thing that helps propel a story forward.
Secondly: You should learn the basic principle of story-telling. That is "show don't tell"
Most, if not all of your writing is "telling" the story.
Then difference in showing is that you show the action by using, sound, sight, taste, touch and smell in your story. If you like I will take one of your paragraphs and show you then difference because learning the concept is not easy at first. Let me know. Bless you, Liz. Bob
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your caring review. I have not written using dialogue for reasons I think you have figured out and maybe conquered. I would love a demonstration. Thank you
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I'm a bit confused. ? Are you saying I should know why you do not use dialogue? Bob (ps. Give me a section of one of your chapters and let me play with it, okay? That is if you are serious about using it. :)
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The thing about that you probably knew my reticence about using dialogue was me being humorous. Thank you for the offer. You have given me incentive to work on it.
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The thing about that you probably knew my reticence about using dialogue was me being humorous. Thank you for the offer. You have given me incentive to work on it.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
So, many adventures from which we've learned an so many more to be had as Bea heads out on a 'newly presented' path perhaps to meet new friend and learn about new 'stuff'! ;) ;) Thanx, as always, for sharing Bea with us, Liz -- can't wait!! :) :) I've included a few 'catches' below -- employ or not as you like. :) Yvette
even said a song --> even sung a song (?perhaps) :) :)
she always --> she was always
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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So, many adventures from which we've learned an so many more to be had as Bea heads out on a 'newly presented' path perhaps to meet new friend and learn about new 'stuff'! ;) ;) Thanx, as always, for sharing Bea with us, Liz -- can't wait!! :) :) I've included a few 'catches' below -- employ or not as you like. :) Yvette
even said a song --> even sung a song (?perhaps) :) :)
she always --> she was always
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you as always for your constructive review. I'm glad you are enjoying my writing.
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Liz,
This is a delightful story filled with meaning. You have written this very nicely.
Just a couple of small things:
"Bea had even said a song to her to get her to come join her and Scruffles. "
Sang a song?
"How she always there for the sad children waiting to give "
I think adding "was" before always would read more fluidly.
Thanks for an enjoyable read, my friend.
Jan :-)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Hi Liz,
This is a delightful story filled with meaning. You have written this very nicely.
Just a couple of small things:
"Bea had even said a song to her to get her to come join her and Scruffles. "
Sang a song?
"How she always there for the sad children waiting to give "
I think adding "was" before always would read more fluidly.
Thanks for an enjoyable read, my friend.
Jan :-)
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your constructive review. I will make those adjustments.
Comment from LaRosa
'...had to admit that (her)trying to make things happen her way exercise did not work very well.'
I think you could omit the first 'her' as
it is redundant. The second 'her'
sounds natural, fitting better.
I love the whole idea that Bea's life seems to be an activity of 'exercise'. Each physical life activity takes strength and is developed by the movement involved. Ex) carrying the bowl full of honey takes physical strength.
Still a really cute kids' story. I haven't been around as I have had computer problems and it freezes up before I can enter a review. BUT, I'm still reading and love your little story.
'As long as she did her talk to the maker everything would stay in balance.' A truism if I ever heard one! So cute.
'she (was) always there for the sad children'
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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'...had to admit that (her)trying to make things happen her way exercise did not work very well.'
I think you could omit the first 'her' as
it is redundant. The second 'her'
sounds natural, fitting better.
I love the whole idea that Bea's life seems to be an activity of 'exercise'. Each physical life activity takes strength and is developed by the movement involved. Ex) carrying the bowl full of honey takes physical strength.
Still a really cute kids' story. I haven't been around as I have had computer problems and it freezes up before I can enter a review. BUT, I'm still reading and love your little story.
'As long as she did her talk to the maker everything would stay in balance.' A truism if I ever heard one! So cute.
'she (was) always there for the sad children'
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your constructive and appreciative review. I'm glad you're enjoying my writing. Reviews are not necessary, just that you are following Bea.
