Just Drive
A bad reaction while making a plan3 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Welcome to FanStory, and I hope the site fulfills your goals for membership.
Your conversational style and fast pace are very effective. You had me laughing about the perils of weed smoking and naming one's fish Goldie!
Best wishes in the Back Seat Driver contest- Joan
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Welcome to FanStory, and I hope the site fulfills your goals for membership.
Your conversational style and fast pace are very effective. You had me laughing about the perils of weed smoking and naming one's fish Goldie!
Best wishes in the Back Seat Driver contest- Joan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
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Thank You Joan for your review. Much appreciated.
Comment from tfawcus
I enjoyed the repartee in this between the driver and passenger. I would suggest that you reformat it so that there is a new paragraph every time there is a change of speaker. That is the normal convention and it would make your piece so much easier to read.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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I enjoyed the repartee in this between the driver and passenger. I would suggest that you reformat it so that there is a new paragraph every time there is a change of speaker. That is the normal convention and it would make your piece so much easier to read.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your review. For some reason I thought the deadline was Friday night, midnight so I rushed it. I appreciate your advice and definitely will use it.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This be divided into multiple paragraphs, my friend. There are some spags as well:
Prove our idea was rite. (right
Man Jimmy, you've lost it this time.
This job's gold(,) Jackie
No(,) get to the hospital
No your not Jimmy(,) your just paranoid.
Awe Jimmy(,) I don't know if I like this idea about robbing the bank and all ya know?
I think I cough, cough, cough I don't cough, cough, cough I just cough, cough, cough, Jackie? ( divide this into at least two sentences with the addition of some commas as well.
No(,) there's a cop rite there.
What do you mean he doesn't care he's a cop
What do you mean he doesn't care? He's a cop.
the rear view mirror. And. Am I as ugly (delete and)
Don't tell me that ,take a right. (space after comma, not before)
Ya it is forget the hospital. (Ya it is. Forget the hospital. )
I gotta go see my nanna(,) she'll get me out of this.
I(,) the fish...idiot.
Don't look at me i'm bogus. (Don't look at me, I'm bogus.)
I Know Jimmy(,) take it easy.
You see Goldie(,) that's why you should never smoke weed,
I absolutely love this story with the fish that needs to get out more.
It does need some serious editing to be a good contender in the contest, my friend. Best wishes with your writing~DEbbie
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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This be divided into multiple paragraphs, my friend. There are some spags as well:
Prove our idea was rite. (right
Man Jimmy, you've lost it this time.
This job's gold(,) Jackie
No(,) get to the hospital
No your not Jimmy(,) your just paranoid.
Awe Jimmy(,) I don't know if I like this idea about robbing the bank and all ya know?
I think I cough, cough, cough I don't cough, cough, cough I just cough, cough, cough, Jackie? ( divide this into at least two sentences with the addition of some commas as well.
No(,) there's a cop rite there.
What do you mean he doesn't care he's a cop
What do you mean he doesn't care? He's a cop.
the rear view mirror. And. Am I as ugly (delete and)
Don't tell me that ,take a right. (space after comma, not before)
Ya it is forget the hospital. (Ya it is. Forget the hospital. )
I gotta go see my nanna(,) she'll get me out of this.
I(,) the fish...idiot.
Don't look at me i'm bogus. (Don't look at me, I'm bogus.)
I Know Jimmy(,) take it easy.
You see Goldie(,) that's why you should never smoke weed,
I absolutely love this story with the fish that needs to get out more.
It does need some serious editing to be a good contender in the contest, my friend. Best wishes with your writing~DEbbie
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
Excellent review. Thanks for taking the time and effort.
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You are most welcome :)~Debbie
