Renaissance of Enchantment
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Chapter Five, Part 3"It was their world long before our existence...
14 total reviews
Comment from Janetsue
This is a good chapter to finish up on for tonight. I am eager to experience Maggie's introduction to The Refuge. Also, to read more about Memphis. It is all so well written, Yvette. :-)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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This is a good chapter to finish up on for tonight. I am eager to experience Maggie's introduction to The Refuge. Also, to read more about Memphis. It is all so well written, Yvette. :-)
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hope you don't have too many weird dreams (LOL!!) .... Think you're gonna like Memphis! ;)
Comment from Sankey
Wow! This was a good return to your stuff. I don't know where I got up to before. O appreciate the explanation on the yet as I was about to ask. Good work and hope I can catch up before I go or if I come back occasionally.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Wow! This was a good return to your stuff. I don't know where I got up to before. O appreciate the explanation on the yet as I was about to ask. Good work and hope I can catch up before I go or if I come back occasionally.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Wow, Sankey -- I'm so glad you're enjoying the 'catch up' and I do hope you find the time to pop in now and again, sir!! ;) Thanx for the wonderful stars and your support -- take good care out there!! ;) Yvette
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Did Theo and Lyssa die? I guess must read on and find out. What a horrible case of fright unless it was a dream that was happening. Theo did not have the night he had planned evidently.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Did Theo and Lyssa die? I guess must read on and find out. What a horrible case of fright unless it was a dream that was happening. Theo did not have the night he had planned evidently.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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no dream....
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
There no need to answer all my reviews. I am catching up on this story and making a little money. The story is very interesting.
Love the large black font!
Again, a great story leaving mw with a cliff hanger.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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There no need to answer all my reviews. I am catching up on this story and making a little money. The story is very interesting.
Love the large black font!
Again, a great story leaving mw with a cliff hanger.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2020
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Glad you're enjoying! ;)
Comment from JudyE
Goodness, this is a very bleak chapter. Do we learn if Lyssa is dead or not?
I have a few suggestions but I won't be offended if you ignore them.
'Theo Atkinson mounted the steps to his front porch in a rather jovial mood this evening.' - I have a bit of trouble with 'this evening'. I would have used 'that evening' or not put it in at all. It's hard to explain but I guess it seems like present tense where everything else is past tense.
Delilah's departure nearly ten years ago left him reeling, - I might have used 'had left him reeling'
How did she expected him to do that? - should be 'how did she expect him...' or 'How had she expected...'
Theo tried to brush away the memories with another shake of his head as he unlocked the front door. He paused for a moment, leaning his forehead against the front door as he felt the pain inside once again - the double mention of 'the front door' pulled me up here. Maybe 'leaning his forehead against the door jamb'.
He took all of his vacation - delete 'of'
He signed up for the task of 'child rearing' as the bread winner not the hand-maiden. - comma after 'winner'
He would not dwell on this anymore and ruin his good mood. He had closed that chapter of his life for good and refused to go there anymore. - two 'anymore' in close proximity here.
The sight that greeted him as he rounded the doorframe - should 'doorframe' be two words?
The deep, hypnotic voice was spoken from behind him - perhaps '... voice came from...'
She seemed unable to move or speak just like himself. - comma after 'speak'
Whatever it was, it took a deep inhale - maybe 'inhaled deeply'
Lyssa screamed in her mouth - maybe 'screamed silently'
Her body was racked with her sobs - delete 'her'
Have a great day
Judy
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Goodness, this is a very bleak chapter. Do we learn if Lyssa is dead or not?
I have a few suggestions but I won't be offended if you ignore them.
'Theo Atkinson mounted the steps to his front porch in a rather jovial mood this evening.' - I have a bit of trouble with 'this evening'. I would have used 'that evening' or not put it in at all. It's hard to explain but I guess it seems like present tense where everything else is past tense.
Delilah's departure nearly ten years ago left him reeling, - I might have used 'had left him reeling'
How did she expected him to do that? - should be 'how did she expect him...' or 'How had she expected...'
Theo tried to brush away the memories with another shake of his head as he unlocked the front door. He paused for a moment, leaning his forehead against the front door as he felt the pain inside once again - the double mention of 'the front door' pulled me up here. Maybe 'leaning his forehead against the door jamb'.
He took all of his vacation - delete 'of'
He signed up for the task of 'child rearing' as the bread winner not the hand-maiden. - comma after 'winner'
He would not dwell on this anymore and ruin his good mood. He had closed that chapter of his life for good and refused to go there anymore. - two 'anymore' in close proximity here.
The sight that greeted him as he rounded the doorframe - should 'doorframe' be two words?
The deep, hypnotic voice was spoken from behind him - perhaps '... voice came from...'
She seemed unable to move or speak just like himself. - comma after 'speak'
Whatever it was, it took a deep inhale - maybe 'inhaled deeply'
Lyssa screamed in her mouth - maybe 'screamed silently'
Her body was racked with her sobs - delete 'her'
Have a great day
Judy
Comment Written 27-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2019
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Wow -- have to give this another good 'going over' -- thanx!! Added to the Doc! ;) ;)
Comment from aryr
A fantastic chapter Yvette. It provided great historical details about Maggie, her mother Delilah and her father Theo. I enjoyed reading about his challenges with Maggie after Delilah left, until it proved too much for him and he gave her away, he gave up on her. It had a good reading flow and provided a great deal of information. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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A fantastic chapter Yvette. It provided great historical details about Maggie, her mother Delilah and her father Theo. I enjoyed reading about his challenges with Maggie after Delilah left, until it proved too much for him and he gave her away, he gave up on her. It had a good reading flow and provided a great deal of information. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2019
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So glad you enjoyed, Ali -- had a number of folks not happy with the 'violence', but Demetrius is who he is.... I guess it's not all flowers and unicorns.. :) ;) LOL! :) thanx for the review! :) Yvette
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Ahaaaa you are very welcome, it is times like this that I remember-'you can't please everyone all the time, so as the author it becomes your choice.' ta da.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Yvette. This appears to be another fine chapter in your book.
There are a couple of things I would like to address, if i may. Your story is more "telling" than "showing." a good way to help "show" the story is by using dialogue and plenty of it, my friend.
Good writing can only be expressed by doing that. then golden rule: "Show, don't "tell" the story)
Further Suggestions: "Delilah's departure nearly ten years ago now had left him reeling." (leave out the word "now. It is not needed.)
And, even though you are speaking in past tense, it is advisable to eliminate as many of the "had" words as possible, like this for instance: "But Delilah had never returned." (take out "had")
Yvette, I just want to say that "showing" is a difficult concept to learn sometimes. If you want some help with "showing" until you get the knack of it, let me know please. I will be happy to help. Bless you. Bob
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reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Hi, Yvette. This appears to be another fine chapter in your book.
There are a couple of things I would like to address, if i may. Your story is more "telling" than "showing." a good way to help "show" the story is by using dialogue and plenty of it, my friend.
Good writing can only be expressed by doing that. then golden rule: "Show, don't "tell" the story)
Further Suggestions: "Delilah's departure nearly ten years ago now had left him reeling." (leave out the word "now. It is not needed.)
And, even though you are speaking in past tense, it is advisable to eliminate as many of the "had" words as possible, like this for instance: "But Delilah had never returned." (take out "had")
Yvette, I just want to say that "showing" is a difficult concept to learn sometimes. If you want some help with "showing" until you get the knack of it, let me know please. I will be happy to help. Bless you. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Thanx for the review, Bob -- always appreciate your time and welcome your advice. :) ;) Thank you and have a great remainder of the weekend! :) ;) Yvette
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter and some background detail about the circumstances that awaits Maggie and Addy when the arrive it will certainly a very different atmosphere for them.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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A very well-written chapter and some background detail about the circumstances that awaits Maggie and Addy when the arrive it will certainly a very different atmosphere for them.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Oh, you are so right on that one, Sandra -- it's gonna be adjustments all 'round! :) ;) Thanx for the review -- take care! :) Yvette
Comment from Debbie Pope
Well, this is the chapter that I have been waiting for, Yvette. I have been wanting to know the background of Maggie's mom and why she left. This chapter answers so many questions. Plus, it's a great character sketch of Maggie's dad. He's still as weak as he was the day that he left Maggie--heading to the bar long enough for the kids to be in bed. How disgusting. I'm not quite sure what happened to Lyssa. I hope she's not dead. She seems like an innocent bystander.
The people at the Refuge are a little more violent than I expected. I wasn't expecting throats to be slit. I never know what to expect from you.
Great chapter. Out of six stars again.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Well, this is the chapter that I have been waiting for, Yvette. I have been wanting to know the background of Maggie's mom and why she left. This chapter answers so many questions. Plus, it's a great character sketch of Maggie's dad. He's still as weak as he was the day that he left Maggie--heading to the bar long enough for the kids to be in bed. How disgusting. I'm not quite sure what happened to Lyssa. I hope she's not dead. She seems like an innocent bystander.
The people at the Refuge are a little more violent than I expected. I wasn't expecting throats to be slit. I never know what to expect from you.
Great chapter. Out of six stars again.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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Well, it was either the dagger or..... well, I'll let that go. And, yeah, Demetrius is anything but a ... gentleman, shall we say? :) ;) Thanx for the review, ma'am!! And thanx so much for keeping up with the gang! :) ;) Yvette
P.S. Hope all's well with mom and the packing to go Lonestar.... been thinking bout cha! :) ;)
Comment from susand3022
You know My Lovely Lady of the South... that just about kills me that a father could even think that... to think of his only child as just 'one mentally unstable teenager' and then wondering if she would be worth 'all that' meaning what??? Any bother at all??? He clearly hasn't given her much thought in the last several years. People like you and I, we wouldn't hesitate for half a millisecond to lay down our lives for our children. It's just how it is. And if they were missing!!! OMG I wouldn't stop searching until the end of time, or until I found the little bugger... lol I don't know how parents do it. Ugh! This man... I'm glad you "done him in!" In the words of Eliza Dolittle. :)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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You know My Lovely Lady of the South... that just about kills me that a father could even think that... to think of his only child as just 'one mentally unstable teenager' and then wondering if she would be worth 'all that' meaning what??? Any bother at all??? He clearly hasn't given her much thought in the last several years. People like you and I, we wouldn't hesitate for half a millisecond to lay down our lives for our children. It's just how it is. And if they were missing!!! OMG I wouldn't stop searching until the end of time, or until I found the little bugger... lol I don't know how parents do it. Ugh! This man... I'm glad you "done him in!" In the words of Eliza Dolittle. :)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2019
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You're so right, Susan, but that's exactly what he did in the prologue...left her with DHR and walked away. I'm with you and Eliza: good on Demetrius! :) ;) Take care! :) ;)
