The Runaway Plot
A genius plan, or so I thought.34 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. Your narrative reads well and it plays out vividly in my mind's eye :)
Congratulations on your contest win. It's much deserved :)
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. Your narrative reads well and it plays out vividly in my mind's eye :)
Congratulations on your contest win. It's much deserved :)
Comment Written 11-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2019
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Thank you, Alex. I just added the treasure chest points to this and hopefully you received my thank you for reading and reviewing?with a little moola added to your day! We all have to keep our work before our reviewers. Again, thanks so much. I always appreciate your reviews, Alex.
Sal :+))
Comment from Beri Bee
This is an extremely charming story! I got a little confused with the switching back and forth between tenses, but I figured out that it was a child, and not a grown-up on her way to a Barbie convention, at the line about underwear. Your closing line is absolutely perfect!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2019
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This is an extremely charming story! I got a little confused with the switching back and forth between tenses, but I figured out that it was a child, and not a grown-up on her way to a Barbie convention, at the line about underwear. Your closing line is absolutely perfect!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2019
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Thank you so much Beri Bee for your excellent review and kind encouragement. I am so glad you enjoyed my true story.
Always my best,
Sally :+)
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2019
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 11-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2019
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Thank you, thank you! I am so honored! Thank you my fellow FanStory members and committee. I am blessed to be here and to win this contest!
Sending you all my best today, as always,
Sally xo
Comment from Joy Graham
Cute story, Sally :) I don't recall ever thinking of running away as a kid. Now as a young mother through the years, yep. But not seriously enough to pack. Now I'm too old and feeble to run away. I wouldn't get very far.
This is a fun contest entry. Best wishes with it.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2019
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Cute story, Sally :) I don't recall ever thinking of running away as a kid. Now as a young mother through the years, yep. But not seriously enough to pack. Now I'm too old and feeble to run away. I wouldn't get very far.
This is a fun contest entry. Best wishes with it.
Joy xx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2019
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Thank you so much Joy. It was so good of you to read and review my story. I am glad you liked it. You must have been an exemplary child to never want to run away. My home was broken as alluded to here, and I thought many times that I was the cause. Nothing could have been further from the truth, but as a child, you see and perceive things as a child. My solution in the glimpse of my past was to jump a train with Barbie I?m tow. Oh boy! So glad I had a loving and wise mother.
Thanks, again.
Sal xo
Comment from royowen
What a lovely, and what a wise, compassionate person she is. I can remember wanting to leave home, to teach my mother a lesson, but when I thought of where I would eat, sleep and all those necessary attributes of life. Just think of the poor homeless kids, refugees etc, I do. Well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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What a lovely, and what a wise, compassionate person she is. I can remember wanting to leave home, to teach my mother a lesson, but when I thought of where I would eat, sleep and all those necessary attributes of life. Just think of the poor homeless kids, refugees etc, I do. Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 27-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Thank you, Roy.,I appreciate the excellent and kind review. I remember this as if it were yesterday. Not a well thought through plan and love thankfully prevailed. My mom was wise and I miss her so.
All my best,
Sal :+)
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Most welcome Sally.
Comment from Debra White
Ah Sal, this is such a great story.
I love your tone and the realness of your story - there is no fluff making it into anything that it wasn't. I especially like the Barbie's shoe (no plural!) - I don't think my girl have a single pair of Barbie shoes - they're all singles!
Thank you for sharing this warm and lovely recollection. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :) x
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Ah Sal, this is such a great story.
I love your tone and the realness of your story - there is no fluff making it into anything that it wasn't. I especially like the Barbie's shoe (no plural!) - I don't think my girl have a single pair of Barbie shoes - they're all singles!
Thank you for sharing this warm and lovely recollection. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Best wishes as always, Debra :) x
Comment Written 27-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Thank you, dear Debra. You were the only one to comment on Barbie?s one shoe! She lost that one high heel first thing and we never could find it. We were poor as my mom was the sole provider with a little help from two older brothers. My oldest brother, Mike, was married by the time I was 8 and was alluded to in the story. I appreciate the kind review and sweet comments.
All my best,
Sal xo
Comment from lyenochka
Oh - this is so precious, Sal. While on one hand, I'm admiring this brilliant planner and her very wise mom, I'm still wondering WHY is there a need to runaway? You don't mention the age but it does sound like too much responsibility and burden is placed on you.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Oh - this is so precious, Sal. While on one hand, I'm admiring this brilliant planner and her very wise mom, I'm still wondering WHY is there a need to runaway? You don't mention the age but it does sound like too much responsibility and burden is placed on you.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Yes, a lot of burden was placed on all of us. Alcoholism ruined my dad and it was very hard on my mom as she was sole provider. I did not mention my oldest brother who was in the Air Force and married. He, too, worked to support us along with 16 year old Rob. My recent article, ?My True Wealth,? adds more to this story. It was in the Story of the Month Contest last month placing second.
Thank you for the excellent review and a,ways kind comments.
All my best,
Sal :+)
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Oh congratulations on the second place! I only see the news so sporadically. I hope this new version of FS will help me know the contest results better. I even didn't know when I placed because we're not notified. I can imagine that you had to grow up so fast under those circumstances. God was watching over you! Hugs
Comment from djeckert
A touching and sweet story sal. it was a joy to read and made me mist up when you described your mom's tears in her eyes. ( I can't help but wonder exactly what was making her cry... I'm sure she wasn't too concerned that you'd leave...lol) ...but that just adds to your great story, told so well Blessings
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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A touching and sweet story sal. it was a joy to read and made me mist up when you described your mom's tears in her eyes. ( I can't help but wonder exactly what was making her cry... I'm sure she wasn't too concerned that you'd leave...lol) ...but that just adds to your great story, told so well Blessings
Comment Written 26-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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D, thank you for the honoring review and sixer! I appreciate it so much. I think my mom knew the burden I carried a large amount of responsibility at only eight years old and she understood that?added to it the fact that she loved me. If my sons had ever wanted to run away, I would have cried and not sure I would have handled it as well as she did. My mom was very special and had a very hard life rearing four kids all by herself and working full-time. By dad left us when I was very young, his alcoholism ruining his life. I have a story, The Nigjt I Left Georgia, in my portfolio about this same time described. Maybe you can catch it. It is one of my older posts.
All my best,
Sal ,+)
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Aww, hell, Sally -- I did not plan to tear up tonight...and laugh on top of it! :) ;) This is just a wonderful offering for this contest...full of family love, and young angst, and the portrait of a mom that, no matter what was going on in her life, knew enough to handle the situation with an independent daughter differently than a a simple 'get back to your room'.....this is not only a wonderful write for you, but it's a beautiful tribute to her! :) ;) Thank you for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest! :) ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Aww, hell, Sally -- I did not plan to tear up tonight...and laugh on top of it! :) ;) This is just a wonderful offering for this contest...full of family love, and young angst, and the portrait of a mom that, no matter what was going on in her life, knew enough to handle the situation with an independent daughter differently than a a simple 'get back to your room'.....this is not only a wonderful write for you, but it's a beautiful tribute to her! :) ;) Thank you for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest! :) ;) Yvette
Comment Written 26-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Thank you, Yvette. I know I succeeded if I made you tear up. Thanks so much for the kind review and sweet compliments. I am glad you enjoyed my true story. My mom was very special and had a enormous load to deal with. I miss her terribly.
All my best,
Sal xo
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Sal Very well described human interest story. I think somehow and in some way we all were going to run away from home at one time or the other. Life is great, isn't it?
I think it would have been more interesting if you had included more dialogue.
Suggestions: "I looked outside and could see she was right." (passive. Make this "I looked outside and SAW she was right."
And rewrite this paragraph.
"My mom pushed my long, blonde hair back out of my face, tucking it behind my ears affectionately. Her eyes were filling with tears. Suzanne came to where we were standing in her nightgown wondering where 'Barbie' had gone."
Try: "My mom's eyes were filling with tears as she tucked a stray blonde hair back behind my ear. Suzanne entered the room, still wearing her nightgown and asked "where's my Barbie?"
Bless you and good luck, Sal. Bob
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Hi, Sal Very well described human interest story. I think somehow and in some way we all were going to run away from home at one time or the other. Life is great, isn't it?
I think it would have been more interesting if you had included more dialogue.
Suggestions: "I looked outside and could see she was right." (passive. Make this "I looked outside and SAW she was right."
And rewrite this paragraph.
"My mom pushed my long, blonde hair back out of my face, tucking it behind my ears affectionately. Her eyes were filling with tears. Suzanne came to where we were standing in her nightgown wondering where 'Barbie' had gone."
Try: "My mom's eyes were filling with tears as she tucked a stray blonde hair back behind my ear. Suzanne entered the room, still wearing her nightgown and asked "where's my Barbie?"
Bless you and good luck, Sal. Bob
Comment Written 26-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Thank you, Bob. I appreciate the excellent review and helpful critique. I have already changed one thing and hopefully get my internet to cooperate to check the others. My service has been in and out for days.
I so appreciate you!
All my best,
Sal :-)
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:) Bob
