Where's My Book?
a poem10 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
I haven't read your work for a while--just overscheduled--and I am glad I caught this post. Your title, picture selection and color presentation caught my attention. I admired your rhymes and admission that you miss Mabel! Smiles- Joan
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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I haven't read your work for a while--just overscheduled--and I am glad I caught this post. Your title, picture selection and color presentation caught my attention. I admired your rhymes and admission that you miss Mabel! Smiles- Joan
Comment Written 07-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the kind review, Joan.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Bill, I enjoyed this poem for its short but meaningful message. Where would we be or end up without those that have become part of our memory.
Just a couple of suggestions, if I may.
To maintain an eight syllable count, perhaps these may work better:
Your line -
to return things because of Mabel -
suggestion:
to return because of Mabel - or
to return things thanks to Mabel
Title consideration: Reminder
Thank you for sharing. ~DD
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Bill, I enjoyed this poem for its short but meaningful message. Where would we be or end up without those that have become part of our memory.
Just a couple of suggestions, if I may.
To maintain an eight syllable count, perhaps these may work better:
Your line -
to return things because of Mabel -
suggestion:
to return because of Mabel - or
to return things thanks to Mabel
Title consideration: Reminder
Thank you for sharing. ~DD
Comment Written 26-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Thanks, DD
Comment from Earl Corp
what happened to Mabel? How do you have a book you checked out but never took? Did you steal it? This was probably worthy of being a rhyming poem contest entry.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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what happened to Mabel? How do you have a book you checked out but never took? Did you steal it? This was probably worthy of being a rhyming poem contest entry.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
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Mabel married Larry Label.
Comment from judiverse
The narrator seems to be having a bit of a meltdown. Maybe he was threatened by Stephen King's library policeman. It's a puzzle. Why does the narrator break the train of thought? Maybe things will come back to him. If his library experience has traumatized him, he can always go to used book sales or look for deals on Amazon.
judi
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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The narrator seems to be having a bit of a meltdown. Maybe he was threatened by Stephen King's library policeman. It's a puzzle. Why does the narrator break the train of thought? Maybe things will come back to him. If his library experience has traumatized him, he can always go to used book sales or look for deals on Amazon.
judi
Comment Written 25-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Mabel knows.
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Mabel can't be the librarian. That was Marian. judi
Comment from Ross E Silke
I like this. I'm not sure who Mabel is as you don't include author notes but I have an understanding using the words and sentiments that she must have been very close? I feel the sadness and sympathize. This flows nicely and I like the rhyme. To check out a book I never took, now that's a bit of a mind bender, lol; got me thinking on that one--still trying to crack it, ha. But it's fun to read there. Entertaining and sympathetic displaying more than just one emotion in such a short write, its clever. Enjoyed this one! Best,
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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I like this. I'm not sure who Mabel is as you don't include author notes but I have an understanding using the words and sentiments that she must have been very close? I feel the sadness and sympathize. This flows nicely and I like the rhyme. To check out a book I never took, now that's a bit of a mind bender, lol; got me thinking on that one--still trying to crack it, ha. But it's fun to read there. Entertaining and sympathetic displaying more than just one emotion in such a short write, its clever. Enjoyed this one! Best,
Comment Written 25-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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This would require a longer explanation than the poem. However, since it is a question, here I go:
The end word TOOK shares an adverb with the next line; which is BACK. I now feel if I had used an ellipsis instead of a double dash, that would be clearer.
The dashes after Mabel indicate an interrupted thought about a woman, probably his wife, who kept him on track. What do you think?
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Ok, now I get it! Lol, I never saw that. Here is an example of maybe a better way to write it out (I might just include only one dash instead of two to suggest the word continues compounded together in the next line to create took-book, and take out campitalization of Back so it appears to hook up with the word before it, 'took,' and not the start of a new sentence or thought. I hope that helps! I enjoy your poem even more now you explaining it; maybe include your explanation you gave me to in your author notes too will help and make sure the reader doesn't miss it at all. ;)) Very clever!!
I know I should return this book
that I checked out and never took-
back in the day, I was able
to return things because of Mabel --
I miss her.
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To create 'took-back' not 'took-book'; typo in my last reply. I'd just use one dash so the reader knows the word continues to the next line. FanStory is not allowing me to edit my replies at this time so I wanted to send one more back to you correcting that typo in my last reply with my long explanation as to improving it, maybe. Of course you are the author so it's really all up to you. That's my two cents. :-)
Comment from lyenochka
Was Mabel the librarian? Interesting use of the last line which leaves us hanging giving us the impression of the poet not wanting to go on because of remembering those days of Mabel...
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Was Mabel the librarian? Interesting use of the last line which leaves us hanging giving us the impression of the poet not wanting to go on because of remembering those days of Mabel...
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Mabel would know.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Okay, I'm still shaking my head, but it's been a long week so maybe it's me not you, but is Mabel your librarian? Your Hotel California desk clerk where folks check in and don't leave? .... Because I'm starting to thing we might should look for you there...or, perhaps, down a rabbit hole.... :) ;) Thanx for the brain strain this evening... :) Yvette
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Okay, I'm still shaking my head, but it's been a long week so maybe it's me not you, but is Mabel your librarian? Your Hotel California desk clerk where folks check in and don't leave? .... Because I'm starting to thing we might should look for you there...or, perhaps, down a rabbit hole.... :) ;) Thanx for the brain strain this evening... :) Yvette
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Thanks, Yvette, for giving this a look.
Comment from nomi338
Nice way to get to see the hot library clerk. Checking books out and back in again gives you two opportunities over and over again as long as you now which days she will be at work. Bill, you are one sly, slick and wicked Romeo.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Nice way to get to see the hot library clerk. Checking books out and back in again gives you two opportunities over and over again as long as you now which days she will be at work. Bill, you are one sly, slick and wicked Romeo.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Thanks, nomi
Comment from Miss Sherry
Whoever Mable may be, she probably wants her book. You can be very mysterious and eerie sometimes, but your writing always intrigues and calls for thinking. I feel there is more to this than meets the psyche, but your work usually does. I love the mauves and magentas and Mable looks like quite the babe!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Whoever Mable may be, she probably wants her book. You can be very mysterious and eerie sometimes, but your writing always intrigues and calls for thinking. I feel there is more to this than meets the psyche, but your work usually does. I love the mauves and magentas and Mable looks like quite the babe!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Thanks, Sherry
Comment from Maria Millsaps
What a wonderful to way to say something, without saying it. I suppose Mabel, reminded you to return the books you borrowed, but now she's gone and you miss her. Very creative.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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What a wonderful to way to say something, without saying it. I suppose Mabel, reminded you to return the books you borrowed, but now she's gone and you miss her. Very creative.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
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Thank you, Maria
