Mysterious Woman
A man encounters a mysterious woman.22 total reviews
Comment from annh
Really enjoyed this story, it hooked me in from the beginning and maintained my interest, not least because it flowed really well. The dialogue was natural and the sequence of events quite plausible. I'm looking forward to reading more of Dan's exploits, maybe next time he'll get the girl! Man, what a downer! Hope he recovers!! :)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Really enjoyed this story, it hooked me in from the beginning and maintained my interest, not least because it flowed really well. The dialogue was natural and the sequence of events quite plausible. I'm looking forward to reading more of Dan's exploits, maybe next time he'll get the girl! Man, what a downer! Hope he recovers!! :)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from Tina Crute
Yes, we need more chapters! Where did she go? How will he get home? This was an interesting...that sounds like a less than interesting word. This was engaging and smooth, and I enjoyed the read. You done good!
Blessings,
Tina
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Yes, we need more chapters! Where did she go? How will he get home? This was an interesting...that sounds like a less than interesting word. This was engaging and smooth, and I enjoyed the read. You done good!
Blessings,
Tina
Comment Written 27-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Thank you for your review and encouragement.
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You're welcome!
Blessings,
Tina
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Lance. This is a fine story. It can be left as a stand-alone piece or as you indicate in your note, continue it. I like stories told in segments, leaving the reader in limbo until the next chapter. Great job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Hi Lance. This is a fine story. It can be left as a stand-alone piece or as you indicate in your note, continue it. I like stories told in segments, leaving the reader in limbo until the next chapter. Great job. Marilyn
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2019
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Thank you so much for the review. I've been too busy with poems and need to get back to Mysterious Woman. Stay tuned!
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Okay. I know what it's like to put our stories on the back burner.
Comment from tfawcus
When it looks too good to be true, it usually is too good to be true! She certainly gave him the green light and took the chill out of his bones for a while. One of those encounters that would linger in the mind for years to come!
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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When it looks too good to be true, it usually is too good to be true! She certainly gave him the green light and took the chill out of his bones for a while. One of those encounters that would linger in the mind for years to come!
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from beizanten
A very well written and interesting opening paragraph. An interesting story the emotion of the characters flow well bringing the character into life. keep up the great work
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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A very well written and interesting opening paragraph. An interesting story the emotion of the characters flow well bringing the character into life. keep up the great work
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Thank you!!
Comment from Beri Bee
A woman named Shirley Yes! I like it! I don't know who to feel worse for. Dan got duped, but then maybe she escaped a weirdo! In any event, it's well-written and I enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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A woman named Shirley Yes! I like it! I don't know who to feel worse for. Dan got duped, but then maybe she escaped a weirdo! In any event, it's well-written and I enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 24-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Thanks so much for the review!!
Comment from Miss Sherry
A very catchy story with a "what the..." ending that leaves the reader wondering, and a bit miffed, which is excellent if you want to expand the story. You will have readers anxiously ready to read. You have left the woman mysterious. One cannot say she is a pro - or just a lonely lady. She paid her share...seemed interested in more time with him - then just isn't there. You could go many ways with further story chapters...was she a spy and got grabbed...did she get cold feet because picking up men is dangerous. Really a wide-open range of possibilities.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2019
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A very catchy story with a "what the..." ending that leaves the reader wondering, and a bit miffed, which is excellent if you want to expand the story. You will have readers anxiously ready to read. You have left the woman mysterious. One cannot say she is a pro - or just a lonely lady. She paid her share...seemed interested in more time with him - then just isn't there. You could go many ways with further story chapters...was she a spy and got grabbed...did she get cold feet because picking up men is dangerous. Really a wide-open range of possibilities.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2019
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Thank you so much. I?m already writing chapter 2.
Comment from Ms. Snyder
I don't have a 6 but fantastic writing and It deserves one. You definitely deserve my virtual six and thank you for hitting my inbox! I will be fanning you as I want more. This descriptive tale was captivating and I thought your ending was superb! Cheers, Fonda
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2019
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I don't have a 6 but fantastic writing and It deserves one. You definitely deserve my virtual six and thank you for hitting my inbox! I will be fanning you as I want more. This descriptive tale was captivating and I thought your ending was superb! Cheers, Fonda
Comment Written 29-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2019
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Thank you so much. I?m already writing chapter 2.
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought you did a good job with this part of the story. The ending left a little to be desired, but the build up was good. I made a couple of notes for your consideration.
If he missed it there wouldn't be another train for over an hour.--You start a lot of sentences with a clause. For most of them I would suggest a comma to separate them. Comma after it.
Through the damp mist he spotted a woman in the shadows across the street. --Same as above. Comma after mist.
At least there was no one else talking to her and she didn't seem to have eyes on anyone.-- In this one, you have two complete sentences. Suggest a comma before and (a coordinating conjunction).
He walked up to her and stopped facing her and before he could say a word she smiled and said, "Hello stranger, you didn't waste a moment beating a path over to me." --This is a combo of the two examples above. Comma before 'and' and after word.
They jumped into the cab and she gave an address for a wine tasting pub nearby.--Comma before and.
Once inside they found a table for two close to a roaring fireplace. --Comma after inside.
Overall, an enjoyable read.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2019
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I thought you did a good job with this part of the story. The ending left a little to be desired, but the build up was good. I made a couple of notes for your consideration.
If he missed it there wouldn't be another train for over an hour.--You start a lot of sentences with a clause. For most of them I would suggest a comma to separate them. Comma after it.
Through the damp mist he spotted a woman in the shadows across the street. --Same as above. Comma after mist.
At least there was no one else talking to her and she didn't seem to have eyes on anyone.-- In this one, you have two complete sentences. Suggest a comma before and (a coordinating conjunction).
He walked up to her and stopped facing her and before he could say a word she smiled and said, "Hello stranger, you didn't waste a moment beating a path over to me." --This is a combo of the two examples above. Comma before 'and' and after word.
They jumped into the cab and she gave an address for a wine tasting pub nearby.--Comma before and.
Once inside they found a table for two close to a roaring fireplace. --Comma after inside.
Overall, an enjoyable read.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 26-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2019
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Thanks very much for the editing!
Comment from bob cullen
Loved the ending. Poor Dan. This is a good fun write. Your characterisation is good. I think you could produce a follow-up piece to this. Maybe Dan goes to the station reaches for his wallet to pay for his ticket and discovers it gone and in its place a note with a phone number and an address.
A good write
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Loved the ending. Poor Dan. This is a good fun write. Your characterisation is good. I think you could produce a follow-up piece to this. Maybe Dan goes to the station reaches for his wallet to pay for his ticket and discovers it gone and in its place a note with a phone number and an address.
A good write
Comment Written 25-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2019
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Thank you
