The Saga of Pippa and Jess
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Saga of Pippa and Jess - 1"Morality and immorality in a youthful escapade.
9 total reviews
Comment from Rachelle Allen
You have set the stage nicely for a tale of fun romps and life lessons at the hands of two people who will handle it with panache and aplomb. Can't wait for the next installment!
The pace, though, seems a bit hurried. I need a little more soak-it-in time.
Still, I'm looking forward to getting to know these two well in the forthcoming chapters and laughing along with their antics. (I love their names, too, btw.)
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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You have set the stage nicely for a tale of fun romps and life lessons at the hands of two people who will handle it with panache and aplomb. Can't wait for the next installment!
The pace, though, seems a bit hurried. I need a little more soak-it-in time.
Still, I'm looking forward to getting to know these two well in the forthcoming chapters and laughing along with their antics. (I love their names, too, btw.)
Comment Written 20-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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Well, I don't know about panache and aplomb, there's a lot of falling about laughing going on.
Their retribution raids are going to be jail-worthy in forthcoming chapters.
I am having to think hard about the life lessons.
I will see how i can slow down the pace for Chap 1... it is a bit of rip-shit-and-bust.
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Lisa,
Oh, what a delightful.surprise, and a delicious read! Your imagination is running wild, and taking us along for the ride. Your character introductions are terrific and this is very well written and humorous.
Please remember your readers' arses are hanging off a cliff here, awaiting your nwxt release. LOL
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Hi Lisa,
Oh, what a delightful.surprise, and a delicious read! Your imagination is running wild, and taking us along for the ride. Your character introductions are terrific and this is very well written and humorous.
Please remember your readers' arses are hanging off a cliff here, awaiting your nwxt release. LOL
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Oh wow, what a generous review! The image of your arse hanging off a cliff was an interesting one to wake up to! I had a good night's sleep and will crack into some more writing. Another reviewer said she would appreciate more in-depth character descriptions so I will be adding a modification early on in chapter one sometime soon. But it is so exciting to let loose with my imagination and going back is not as exciting as going forward.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You have set the scene here for the tale to come which I imagine is going to turn a little bit sour by the sound of things. I liked your lighthearted introduction with a tantalising last line to bring in a bit of adventure and terror! We will see what happens, much enjoyed Lisa, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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You have set the scene here for the tale to come which I imagine is going to turn a little bit sour by the sound of things. I liked your lighthearted introduction with a tantalising last line to bring in a bit of adventure and terror! We will see what happens, much enjoyed Lisa, love Dolly x
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Yes, stay tuned as it is going to be a bumpy ride for our heroines.
Thanks for your review!
Comment from Tedd Turton
Wonderful colourful writing LisaMay. Thought I'd check your profile for any recent works. Oh...that beautiful punctuation! I'd like to have your knowledge. Really enjoyed this, and will look forward to following chapters. I sense an aussi flavour to this writing. Anyway, Great work and all the very Best, Tedd Turton
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Wonderful colourful writing LisaMay. Thought I'd check your profile for any recent works. Oh...that beautiful punctuation! I'd like to have your knowledge. Really enjoyed this, and will look forward to following chapters. I sense an aussi flavour to this writing. Anyway, Great work and all the very Best, Tedd Turton
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Thanks for reviewing Tedd. Where do you live? I am in NZ ... the possums here are pests, whereas they are protected in Australia. When we meet the possum in this story it is road-kill.
I see from your profile you are a musician songwriter... so is Adam in my story! what a coincidence! He lets Jess down in this story.
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Hi LisaMay, I'm in Australia.Guess I was close...sort of. Yes...some coincidences in your story. My thoughts on possums. We have lots of snakes here to keep there numbers down.
Comment from JudyE
This promises to be a very entertaining story. And I can't find one single spag! Love the pun at the end and don't forget to tell us about the possum. :)
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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This promises to be a very entertaining story. And I can't find one single spag! Love the pun at the end and don't forget to tell us about the possum. :)
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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All will eventually be revealed about that pesky possum... you'll just have to be patient, Judy.
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from LyndaS
Hi Lisa!
My favorite thing about reading your prose is the pace. Throughout it is constant with periodic treks into the past and future. And boy do you set this up for more reading.
My only observation review wise is that I have no clue what they look like. Only that they are girls and one dresses flamboyantly. If you could expound upon their individual personalities a bit that would be helpful too. As it is early in your story (and because I need a clearly defined path to identify one character from another. It's an old lady thing.) I appreciate when the author ties a character to other identifiable things that help me cruise right along with the story. Like does one have freckles? Or silky black hair? Or a nickname? I understand that you must stay in the moment. This is fast paced and I got lost a couple of times staying with a character.
All that being said I look forward to your next post on these interesting women. Nice job!
Lynda
PS...... I continue to love your brain!!!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Hi Lisa!
My favorite thing about reading your prose is the pace. Throughout it is constant with periodic treks into the past and future. And boy do you set this up for more reading.
My only observation review wise is that I have no clue what they look like. Only that they are girls and one dresses flamboyantly. If you could expound upon their individual personalities a bit that would be helpful too. As it is early in your story (and because I need a clearly defined path to identify one character from another. It's an old lady thing.) I appreciate when the author ties a character to other identifiable things that help me cruise right along with the story. Like does one have freckles? Or silky black hair? Or a nickname? I understand that you must stay in the moment. This is fast paced and I got lost a couple of times staying with a character.
All that being said I look forward to your next post on these interesting women. Nice job!
Lynda
PS...... I continue to love your brain!!!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Hi Lynda... point taken about describing our girls better. I have never written stories before, just this year, so I am still getting used to what I have to cover in my characters to individualise them for the reader.
i shall go to bed now and try to visualise them more.
Thanks very much for your comments... keep 'em coming!
LM
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Stories are difficult. You have a gold mine here to start with. Definitely want to hear more about these girls especially when you teased the readers with all the upcoming adventures.
I cannot write prose. I will write one paragraph and it seems just fine to me. I used to bounce my work off my oldest son who writes as well. I will think I have written solid gold. Then he'll come back with comments and questions that never crossed my mind. I could say something like my character was very angry. He would ask, how angry was she? Was her face red? Did she alter the tone of her voice? Did she flail her arms around while expressing her anger? So instead of saying "she said angrily" he would suggest "she hissed" or "she spat" or something like that. In my head she was screeching but the reader had to clue or connection to what I just took for granted.
So henceforth I stuck to poetry. LOL.
You have a real gift for writing prose. That's obvious in this post. You're like a fountain of untapped talent. I will attempt to keep up with you and get you reviewed in a timely fashion.
Nice job sweetie.
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You say such very supportive thing about my writing. Your son has very constructive things to say too. The best advice I was given is "Show, don't just tell"... so that would be the difference between saying someone is angry, or letting the reader work it out for themselves by saying she hissed or spat.... clearly an angry person if she is speaking like that.
I shall keep trying to be a fountain! I like that as an image... as long as I don't spout crap!
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LOL!!! You crack me up!!! I gotta crash. Been up all night writing, reviewing and being mentored in many things by a fellow fanstory member who doesn't sleep at night either. I'll be in touch. LS
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Nighty night, sleep well. xx
Comment from lyenochka
Sounds like a wild ride indeed! I think you created the perfect setting for us with creative and interesting characters who promise humor and deep relationship.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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Sounds like a wild ride indeed! I think you created the perfect setting for us with creative and interesting characters who promise humor and deep relationship.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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I think there will be many humorous moments with these girls.
Thanks for your review.
Comment from Randa Dayle
I read your story. I think it's interesting, I am glad that they can laugh at possum and are planning their weddings, I hope they get what they are hoping for.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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I read your story. I think it's interesting, I am glad that they can laugh at possum and are planning their weddings, I hope they get what they are hoping for.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2019
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It seems in my experience that hardly anyone actually gets what they are hoping for... and these girls are no different. There are hopes and dreams, and then there is reality. Bu there are lots of laughs along the way!
Comment from 24chas
Oh, boy, LisaMay, I have a feeling this is going to be a wild and bumpy ride through your imagination. I can't imagine the adventures these two are going to have. I look forward to following their adventures.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Oh, boy, LisaMay, I have a feeling this is going to be a wild and bumpy ride through your imagination. I can't imagine the adventures these two are going to have. I look forward to following their adventures.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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They are surely 2 lively gals, winding each other up.
I am going to have fun too.
