St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "St. Louis Chapter 2 part 3"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
22 total reviews
Comment from seaglass
Wow, of my parents were murdered be ause of their profession I think I'd choose a different profession. She got spunk. So, I'm thinking these incidents will be tied together.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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Wow, of my parents were murdered be ause of their profession I think I'd choose a different profession. She got spunk. So, I'm thinking these incidents will be tied together.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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We will have to wait and see. Could be. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JudyE
This reads easily and the dialogue is also very realistic. I couldn't find any spags and don't have any suggestions to make.
However I did wonder about 'took the last drink of coffee' It's not a phrase I've ever heard. Maybe 'drank the last of her coffee' or 'took a final sip of coffee'. Of course, feel free to ignore this. :)
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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This reads easily and the dialogue is also very realistic. I couldn't find any spags and don't have any suggestions to make.
However I did wonder about 'took the last drink of coffee' It's not a phrase I've ever heard. Maybe 'drank the last of her coffee' or 'took a final sip of coffee'. Of course, feel free to ignore this. :)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I changed that area. Thank you for the suggestion.
Comment from tfawcus
Good dialogue that's moving the action along nicely. I like the repartee between these two and the worry about the dogs is a nice touch. I'm interested to read what will happen next. It sounds as though trust is growing between McKenzie and Logan.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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Good dialogue that's moving the action along nicely. I like the repartee between these two and the worry about the dogs is a nice touch. I'm interested to read what will happen next. It sounds as though trust is growing between McKenzie and Logan.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
This chapter gave us some good background information on Mac. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel with the killer of her parents 'dying just a few days ago.'
OR - could it be his family that is exacting some sort of revenge?
Hmmm.
Looking forward to the next chapter,
~patty~
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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Hi, Barbara,
This chapter gave us some good background information on Mac. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel with the killer of her parents 'dying just a few days ago.'
OR - could it be his family that is exacting some sort of revenge?
Hmmm.
Looking forward to the next chapter,
~patty~
Comment Written 20-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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We will find more about this man's death much later. It is important to the story. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice filling in here of some more backstory and we get to see what kind of fella Logan is too.
I'm working a few cheating wife or husband cases, - you could say cheating spouse cases.
McKenzie ignored his eyes as she sipped black coffee. - maybe avoided rather than ignored?
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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Nice filling in here of some more backstory and we get to see what kind of fella Logan is too.
I'm working a few cheating wife or husband cases, - you could say cheating spouse cases.
McKenzie ignored his eyes as she sipped black coffee. - maybe avoided rather than ignored?
Comment Written 20-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the help. I've made the changes and it does read smoother.
Comment from Sefiros
Like McKenzie, I have a hard time trusting Logan. He's slipping a little too easily into her life. Buying groceries for a virtual stranger is a bit of a red flag to me. Anyway, it should be easy for McKenzie to figure out who he is since she's a private investigator. I guess time will tell.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Like McKenzie, I have a hard time trusting Logan. He's slipping a little too easily into her life. Buying groceries for a virtual stranger is a bit of a red flag to me. Anyway, it should be easy for McKenzie to figure out who he is since she's a private investigator. I guess time will tell.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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My next post will give a little more information about Logan. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
hahaha! Don't you hate it when you find you have a weakness like that? I have a thousand of them. I have to watch every time to which one of my issues I fell back on.
I thought this was a good chapter and didn't see a thing wrong with it. Thanks!
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Barbara,
hahaha! Don't you hate it when you find you have a weakness like that? I have a thousand of them. I have to watch every time to which one of my issues I fell back on.
I thought this was a good chapter and didn't see a thing wrong with it. Thanks!
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review and understanding.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Barbara, I'm really loving this story, I'm finding that it is moving right along. I did find one thing that confused me a bit...
I have never heard the expression 'nurse-mate' before... I have heard it called a 'nurse-maid'... I wondered if you used it because he is male, but I felt that it was still a bit awkward.
Other than that, this story is shaping up to be a cool mystery, leaving us wondering now not only killed his sister but if her drugging and attempted abduction even had anything to do with his case! :)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Hi Barbara, I'm really loving this story, I'm finding that it is moving right along. I did find one thing that confused me a bit...
I have never heard the expression 'nurse-mate' before... I have heard it called a 'nurse-maid'... I wondered if you used it because he is male, but I felt that it was still a bit awkward.
Other than that, this story is shaping up to be a cool mystery, leaving us wondering now not only killed his sister but if her drugging and attempted abduction even had anything to do with his case! :)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I will recheck that area. So far you're the only person to comment on it, but I will check it. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aha! We meet Edgar! At last, we get to the main, important character in the book, I love him already. I'm wondering if those people who put the drug in Max's drink had anything to do with the man who died in prison, whose parents said he was innocent. It's a thought that might lead to something. I'll wait to see what you have up that sleeve of yours. Another wonderful chapter. Well done. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Aha! We meet Edgar! At last, we get to the main, important character in the book, I love him already. I'm wondering if those people who put the drug in Max's drink had anything to do with the man who died in prison, whose parents said he was innocent. It's a thought that might lead to something. I'll wait to see what you have up that sleeve of yours. Another wonderful chapter. Well done. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from Dawn Munro
I want that dog! What a beauty!
(It talks too, according to Logan -- LOL.)
Who is he talking to here--"...Who knows what trouble (she'll) get in." He WAS 'yelling up the stairs' to McKenzie, but he wouldn't then say "she'll" if he's talking to her.
Wow, Barbara, this is rich in detail, and their conversation sounds so natural -- great stuff! Well-anchored scenes, excellent pacing, and you've led well into the next part too.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I want that dog! What a beauty!
(It talks too, according to Logan -- LOL.)
Who is he talking to here--"...Who knows what trouble (she'll) get in." He WAS 'yelling up the stairs' to McKenzie, but he wouldn't then say "she'll" if he's talking to her.
Wow, Barbara, this is rich in detail, and their conversation sounds so natural -- great stuff! Well-anchored scenes, excellent pacing, and you've led well into the next part too.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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He was talking to the dog. Hmmm, I guess I'll have to recheck that. LOL Thank you for the encouragement.
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You're very welcome -- a pleasure to read your book!
