Reviews from

Thomas Gommal Learns about Bullying

Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Attention is Paid"
Fictional story to teach ages 10 and above about

25 total reviews 
Comment from Gail Denham
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Nice chapter. Would that it was this easy for a young person who's being bullied to speak up. And that the powers that be would do something about it. Still, Paul may still be waiting around some corner - so Thomas will have to better him. Right?

A good subject to address for sure.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Gail, for the stars and your comment. I do appreciate them both. Shirley
Comment from Nanny 6
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I jumped into your story at this chapter and transitioned into what was happening easily. I am interested in keeping up with what happens. Interesting read, Shirley. : )
Judy

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
    Thank you so much for reading the chapter and the stars. I believe I will have a couple of more. Have a great afternoon. Shirley
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
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It's good that he told Edwards about the bully and had other kids back it up. It's existed forever in schools till and no one has been able to stop it totally. What would it take? Better parenting, but that won't happen. Bullies have parents that bully them... that's where they learn it.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
    You are right, it has been around forever, but the more people are aware they just might step in and stop some of it. Thanks for the stars. Shirley
Comment from SLMorrical
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A wonderful edition to the other chapters. I think it is great Thomas is sticking up for himself and his friends. Telling Mr. Edwards is making the school more aware of what Paul is doing to the other children. Adults being aware will help to decrease the bullying. I would thin it would. As a kid I was bullied and made fun of, but it was different back then. Now there is so much more available to kids to increase the harassment. Well done. I do hope your book gets into the schools to help with the bullying epidemic.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Hi, thanks for the stars. I plan on trying for school libraries as soon as I get published and learn how to get them there. Thanks again. Shirley
Comment from susand3022
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Hi Shirley, Well, he's made it through lunch and now a teacher has at least listened to him. That's a start! His mom has to pick him up from school though... too bad. I can't blame him though, I wouldn't want to be on the bus either!
I do have one suggestion for you, the conversation between mother and son feels a little forced and formal on mom's part especially. (I'm not sure I've ever had a parent specify AM/PM, it's usually understood... or call their child by 'son' or 'daughter') You may want to find a way to make them feel more relaxed.
So far so good... he's following his own advice and not caving... impressive for a kid! :)

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Susan and I will certainly take a look at that dialogue. I appreciate your help and the stars. Have a great afternoon. Shirley
Comment from Sarkems
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A good, positive read. It's great to see Thomas standing up to bullies appropriately. Good dialogue, but I don't think boys their age would say 'witnessed'. 'Saw' might be more appropriate.

A couple of points

returned to school after having chicken pos - pox.

"Yes, sir, it is - you can capitalise Sir, here.

This novel is coming along nicely, well done.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    Thank you so much for the stars and your find. I have them corrected. They were actually found yesterday but I got sidetracked which happens frequently and forgot the edit. Have a wonderful day. Shirley
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
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Well done. Enjoying this tale of a bully and the rather nerdy kid who is determined to bring an end to it. I saw just one error. 10th par, 2nd line, 'Chicken pos' it should be 'chicken pox.' Over all very well done. Rox

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 16-Mar-2019
    I will get that Pos corrected and thanks for the find. Have a good night. Shirley
Comment from Fulton
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Great story telling the affects of bullying and showing how it can be demonstrated. Also shows how to try to curtail it ... this takes a lot of bravery in of itself with the hope that who you've told will actually believe you and do something about it. My only minor suggestion is that Thomas' name seemed a bit redundant, esp. at the start of the story where maybe the pronoun "he" could have been used instead.
Loren

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thank you, Fulton, for your suggestion and stars. I will take a look at the chapter. Have a good night. Shirley
Comment from coffeeandink
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I liked your story, they erased his name. Awesome ending. I am glad bullying has surfaced, it something we all should, think about, because, of people like you, people will, erase the bully. Very well, written. I like the ending, erase his name. Awesome.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thank you very much for your kind comment and stars. I do appreciate both very much. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment from HealingMuse
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Hi Shirley,

Good for Thomas! I really like the direction you've taken this story, and I appreciate that you are addressing this societal problem in your work. Very nicely written, as always.

Only one small offering for your consideration:

"...returned to school after having chicken pos."

I like that Thomas is no longer using Paul's preferred bullying nick name. That definitely levels the playing field, psychologically.

I believe you meant "pox" here.

Thanks very much for sharing.

Jan

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2019


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thank you for that find and yes it is supposed to be pox. I hope you have a great day. Shirley