Behind the Badge
Things are definitely not always what they seem...10 total reviews
Comment from LisaMay
Well, this story certainly kept my attention right through, as it morphed from cop reality to paranormal... not a territory I have dome much reading in before. But the suspense was enthralling, the details believable and the characters well formed. I did get a bit sick of him rubbing his chest so often though.
Just a couple of things to fix:
"she smiled up at him in an almost demur (demure) manner."
And in this sentence, maybe you could change one "harsh" to some other word as it is repetitious to have 2 in such close proximity:
"Bash's cold, harsh stare returned as he turned his head in slow motion toward the female, a harsh, questioning eyebrow being raised in the process."
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2019
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Well, this story certainly kept my attention right through, as it morphed from cop reality to paranormal... not a territory I have dome much reading in before. But the suspense was enthralling, the details believable and the characters well formed. I did get a bit sick of him rubbing his chest so often though.
Just a couple of things to fix:
"she smiled up at him in an almost demur (demure) manner."
And in this sentence, maybe you could change one "harsh" to some other word as it is repetitious to have 2 in such close proximity:
"Bash's cold, harsh stare returned as he turned his head in slow motion toward the female, a harsh, questioning eyebrow being raised in the process."
Comment Written 09-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2019
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So glad you enjoyed, LisaMay -- I am very thankful for your review and your 'second set of eyes' on this one...I've popped back in there and fixed those two items...THANK YOU, THANK YOU! ;) :) Hope you have a wonderful remainder of the weekend, ma'am! :) ;)
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I am happy that it was useful, and thank you for the reviewer nomination.
Comment from WryWriter
This great tale kept the reader glued to the page. The story flows realistically and transitions well. An amusing way to end this work...perhaps, the beginning of a larger story?
One suggestion:
"You have no idea, sweetheart." Annoyed at himself for being distracted, he yanked the woman around and pushed her forcefully (omit to sit) in the chair.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2019
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This great tale kept the reader glued to the page. The story flows realistically and transitions well. An amusing way to end this work...perhaps, the beginning of a larger story?
One suggestion:
"You have no idea, sweetheart." Annoyed at himself for being distracted, he yanked the woman around and pushed her forcefully (omit to sit) in the chair.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2019
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Thanx for dropping by , Wrywriter, and thanx for the suggestion -- I do so appreciate the second pair of eyes on this! ;) ;) Glad you enjoyed Bash and Kandra....and, let's face it, Gwen's pretty fun for a human! ;) ;) LOL!! Have a wonderful Sunday! ;)
Comment from Scarbrems
Well, this was a tale of two halves. The first half was gearing up to be a smart cop drama, and the second half flipped into the supernatural. I'd thought vampire at first, but no, so another little twist there, for me. It's a good, multi-layered write that kept me absorbed.
Couple of bits:
"You're just awfully hungry these past few weeks. Surprised they" She nodded toward the little bakery they'd had staked out for the last few days - "haven't made us with all your food trips." - interrupting speech with action here is rather awkward. I'd suggest revising. Does 'made us' here refer to being seen/found out? I'm not familiar with this expression used to mean that, but given context it seems logical.
'Gwen nodded in a casual manner and wondered over to the wedding cake display' - 'wandered'.
A great write, good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2019
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Well, this was a tale of two halves. The first half was gearing up to be a smart cop drama, and the second half flipped into the supernatural. I'd thought vampire at first, but no, so another little twist there, for me. It's a good, multi-layered write that kept me absorbed.
Couple of bits:
"You're just awfully hungry these past few weeks. Surprised they" She nodded toward the little bakery they'd had staked out for the last few days - "haven't made us with all your food trips." - interrupting speech with action here is rather awkward. I'd suggest revising. Does 'made us' here refer to being seen/found out? I'm not familiar with this expression used to mean that, but given context it seems logical.
'Gwen nodded in a casual manner and wondered over to the wedding cake display' - 'wandered'.
A great write, good luck in the contest
Comment Written 08-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2019
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Thanx so much for taking the time to read and review this one, Emma -- much appreciated. I went ahead and added a 'made us' to the small list of defined terms at the bottom....it is essentially cop slang for 'figured out we're cops'...thanx for the heads up on that one as I tend to 'get into my characters' and forget that no everybody is living in their heads like me!! :) ;) Also fixed the 'wander'...so appreciative for your second set of eyes...that's one of those words that your mind just 'glosses over' when you're trying to proofread yourself before posting! :) :) Again, so good to have you stop by today -- glad you enjoyed Bash and Kandra and even fun little human Gwen! :) :)
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Thanks for that, I figured it must be something like that. My husband is a Police constable, but we live on a tiny island, and you'd be amazed at the amount of stakeouts he hasn't been on, lol.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant! You could write a lot more of this story, like this was the start of something huge! Extremely well written, and had me totally gripped all the way through. You should win this contest easily. Well done. Just one little nit, the extra, 'the' below. Good luck! :) Sandra xxx
The (the) honking increased and was now accompanied by some shouted obscenities.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2019
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That was brilliant! You could write a lot more of this story, like this was the start of something huge! Extremely well written, and had me totally gripped all the way through. You should win this contest easily. Well done. Just one little nit, the extra, 'the' below. Good luck! :) Sandra xxx
The (the) honking increased and was now accompanied by some shouted obscenities.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2019
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Thanx so much for that catch, Sandra -- when you 'proof' your own work, your brain just glosses over things like that!! ;) ;) So very glad you enjoyed Kandra and Bash and even our Neo is enjoyable for a human!! :) ;) And, yes, as with all of my characters in my crazy writes, I have all sorts of places to take them -- just need more hours in each day! :) :) LOL! :) Your enthusiasm has started my weekend off on the right note...been a crazy busy week and I needed the smile - thank you again! ;) :)
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You are more than welcome. It was a most enjoyable read. :)) xx
Comment from called2rite
This is goes beyond imagination! What is the goal/mission of Bash? What happened to his partner? What was the past? These questions are subtle and deliberately put in the readers mind to pique the reading of the entire book. It had a lot of action and you tied up details rather neatly. I'm not sure if this was the end of a chapter or book though? (I can see where another chapter could come.) I usually don't read this type of book, but it was an excellent job of wondering what was going on. comment made on 3-7-19
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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This is goes beyond imagination! What is the goal/mission of Bash? What happened to his partner? What was the past? These questions are subtle and deliberately put in the readers mind to pique the reading of the entire book. It had a lot of action and you tied up details rather neatly. I'm not sure if this was the end of a chapter or book though? (I can see where another chapter could come.) I usually don't read this type of book, but it was an excellent job of wondering what was going on. comment made on 3-7-19
Comment Written 07-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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Good evening, called2rite! :) So glad you enjoyed this...and, no, it was just a 'short story' written for this contest. But, as with nearly every story I concoct in my crazy blonde brain, there's a whole bigger picture surrounding it that's just waiting to be told! :) ;) Of course, this along with countless others are just waiting their turn in the spotlight when I finally retire! :) And I know that 'fantasy' isn't what really 'wins' 'round here, but it is just my passion -- and thanx for dropping in to read Bash and Kandra....and, let's face it, Gwen's pretty fun for a human! ;) ;) LOL!! Take care and have a wonderful weekend! :)
Comment from Debbie Pope
I'm out of six stars, Yvette, but your imagination certainly deserves nothing but the highest award. Like Kandra's gaze, your story is mesmerizing. The plot was complicated, but easy to follow. I don't know how you managed to explain everything so clearly. I could picture body parts dissolving and reforming, coming off and replacing themselves. I would like to know how he protects her and what she does for him in return, but maybe that is a sequel. Or maybe a prequel with their ancestors.
Good job. Bet you win.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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I'm out of six stars, Yvette, but your imagination certainly deserves nothing but the highest award. Like Kandra's gaze, your story is mesmerizing. The plot was complicated, but easy to follow. I don't know how you managed to explain everything so clearly. I could picture body parts dissolving and reforming, coming off and replacing themselves. I would like to know how he protects her and what she does for him in return, but maybe that is a sequel. Or maybe a prequel with their ancestors.
Good job. Bet you win.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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Hooray!! So glad you enjoyed! :) Like I said, the deadline just snuck up on me and my muse, he no like de pressure, you know?!! :) ;) Did you not figure out that she was going to be his 'Nanny'...? :) ;) As with all of my characters in every crazy thing I write, I really 'fall in love' with them and try to get my readers to do the same! :) :) I mean, who doesn't love a jinn that's over 1 1/2 millenia and a red witch whose mom was a Valkyrie...who knows, maybe there's a sequel or two or three out there....they're already right here in my blonde brain!! :) ;) Thanx again, MQ -- you are the best! ;) ;) Take care and enjoy the weekend -- I'm gonna just take some time to breathe (after I get the next installment of Maggie's story out)....gotta see who this Memphis chick is! :) :) Yvette
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Maybe I was reading too late at night, or maybe I don't read enough fantasy (until you), but no, I did not guess. I am bad about just letting the words take me away. Often, I don't try to guess. I just flow when I am enjoying myself, which I was.
Comment from Vicki Ziemer
I love this story. I love the descriptions of the characters. I love the way the story starts out as a story about a police stakeout, and morphs into a fantasy story about magical beings living in a mundane world. Good story.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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I love this story. I love the descriptions of the characters. I love the way the story starts out as a story about a police stakeout, and morphs into a fantasy story about magical beings living in a mundane world. Good story.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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Oh my goodness, Vicki!! You have no idea the smile you just put on my face!! :) ;) I am just popping in here for a bit (exams were the end of last week and grades were due last evening -- I'm done, hooray!) to 'forget about crazy students and parents' for a while and I find these lovely stars!! :) :) You so rock, ma'am!! :) ;) I am so glade you enjoyed this....you know, I know that 'fantasy' isn't what really 'wins' 'round here, but it is just my passion -- so glad you enjoyed Bash and Kandra....and, let's face it, Gwen's pretty fun for a human! ;) ;) LOL!! So glad you dropped by for the read and review on this one -- you're welcome to stop in anytime, contest or no -- be glad to have you!! ;) ;) Take care and have a wonderful remainder of the week! ;) :)
Comment from Randa Dayle
Very very nice story. Interesting characters, Interesting dialog. Nice plot. I wondered why a couple of times she is Gwendolyn Tavers, and most of the time Gwen? Good job!
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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Very very nice story. Interesting characters, Interesting dialog. Nice plot. I wondered why a couple of times she is Gwendolyn Tavers, and most of the time Gwen? Good job!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
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Thanx for taking time to read and review this one, Randa -- always good to hear from you. :) ;) Have a wonderful weekend! :)
Comment from Miss Sherry
While this was very long, it was also very captivating. You wrote clearly and concisely, allowing the reader to follow the convolutions of the story. I wish you good luck in the contest, and I wish there was more to this story. I respect your obvious ability to tell a story well!
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2019
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While this was very long, it was also very captivating. You wrote clearly and concisely, allowing the reader to follow the convolutions of the story. I wish you good luck in the contest, and I wish there was more to this story. I respect your obvious ability to tell a story well!
Comment Written 06-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2019
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Thank you so very much, Lady S! :) ;) So glad you enjoyed!! ;) ;) Take care and have a wonderful night! :) ;)
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Blessings!!
Comment from 24chas
This was a fascinating story. Not sure how many words there were, but the time flew by when I was reading it. That's the mark of a well-told story. Liked the characters and the pace of it. Great job.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2019
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This was a fascinating story. Not sure how many words there were, but the time flew by when I was reading it. That's the mark of a well-told story. Liked the characters and the pace of it. Great job.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2019
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Thank you for the read and review, Chas - much appreciated! :) Have a great evening! :)
