Packing Day
It's sometimes hard to move on with life.15 total reviews
Comment from kleck140
You have said it 'well.' I share your sadness as I have been widowed since 1971. Yet, long for his embrace and quick wit.
I still miss him and as I read your story, I relate quite well.
Keep on sharing. Thanks!
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
  |
You have said it 'well.' I share your sadness as I have been widowed since 1971. Yet, long for his embrace and quick wit.
I still miss him and as I read your story, I relate quite well.
Keep on sharing. Thanks!
Comment Written 05-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you, Kleck, for commenting on my story. I am sorry for your loss.
Jo
-
You are welcome
Comment from coffeeandink
A nice story. Of the several days ahead. I like how you saw him, then turned to future memories. It made me wonder if he would be, a part of future memories. Very well written.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
A nice story. Of the several days ahead. I like how you saw him, then turned to future memories. It made me wonder if he would be, a part of future memories. Very well written.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you so much for commenting on my story.
Jo
Comment from LisaMay
Our emotional loss can make us do strange things in order to feel close to absent loved ones. A mother sleeps in her child's bed, a wife wears her husband's clothes, a dog lies by his master's casket. You have portrayed this sense of attachment and the lingering of memories very well in your story, .
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
Our emotional loss can make us do strange things in order to feel close to absent loved ones. A mother sleeps in her child's bed, a wife wears her husband's clothes, a dog lies by his master's casket. You have portrayed this sense of attachment and the lingering of memories very well in your story, .
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you, LisaMay, for your insight and comments on my story.
Jo
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Oh, goodness. Such a sad, but a well-told story. So very heartwrenching. Your descriptions--from start to finish, are sharp and keep a readers interest. Loved the use of the verb 'clamping.' For a short story, your use of dialogue helped bring a level of emotion (even more touching) to your great story. Grief is like "driving in a daze"... that was a relatable line for me.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
Oh, goodness. Such a sad, but a well-told story. So very heartwrenching. Your descriptions--from start to finish, are sharp and keep a readers interest. Loved the use of the verb 'clamping.' For a short story, your use of dialogue helped bring a level of emotion (even more touching) to your great story. Grief is like "driving in a daze"... that was a relatable line for me.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you, Cindy, for your comments on my story. I appreciate your insight.
Jo
Comment from shaffer40
A lovely, special commentary on the sadness of losing a loved one. Especially poignant, "I long to hold him one more time and feel his arms around me." I can picture the red flannel shirt and his big Texas grin as he stands in the door. I'm so
sorry you lost him.
I have some suggestions. Not sure if you reversed the order of these sentences for
style, but I would turn them as such:
"today not caring about the ever-increasing gray."
Also:
"I found an old red flannel shirt in the back of the closet. I wore it to keep the chill
away."
"I drove to our little town in a daze."
Punctuation after: "I thought aloud, "only things."
back "into" the cabinet rather than "in" the cabinet"
Not to repeat "put" suggest: "His cowboy hat on the rack where he last hung it. I
put in on...."
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
A lovely, special commentary on the sadness of losing a loved one. Especially poignant, "I long to hold him one more time and feel his arms around me." I can picture the red flannel shirt and his big Texas grin as he stands in the door. I'm so
sorry you lost him.
I have some suggestions. Not sure if you reversed the order of these sentences for
style, but I would turn them as such:
"today not caring about the ever-increasing gray."
Also:
"I found an old red flannel shirt in the back of the closet. I wore it to keep the chill
away."
"I drove to our little town in a daze."
Punctuation after: "I thought aloud, "only things."
back "into" the cabinet rather than "in" the cabinet"
Not to repeat "put" suggest: "His cowboy hat on the rack where he last hung it. I
put in on...."
Comment Written 02-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thanks so much for your suggestions and comments. I will go back and rethink my lines.
Jo
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I have tears in my eyes. I can't imagine loosing my husband. He's my rock. He keeps me sane when I'm about to lose my cool. I think we're all allowed to have our sad days, as long as we don't stay in them super long. A sad day or two is allowed. Give her a big hug for me.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
I have tears in my eyes. I can't imagine loosing my husband. He's my rock. He keeps me sane when I'm about to lose my cool. I think we're all allowed to have our sad days, as long as we don't stay in them super long. A sad day or two is allowed. Give her a big hug for me.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story.
Jo
Comment from kiwijenny
Dead now for five years but it feels like yesterday. I long to hold him one more time and feel his arms around me.
Well penned tale of love
God bless
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
Dead now for five years but it feels like yesterday. I long to hold him one more time and feel his arms around me.
Well penned tale of love
God bless
Comment Written 02-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you, Kiwijenny, for your comments on my work.
Jo
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there,
Thank you for sharing the story of your friend, Paula. It sounds like it was a horribly depressing day for her. She reached out for her hubby the only way she could at the time.
Good luck to you in the contest,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
Hi there,
Thank you for sharing the story of your friend, Paula. It sounds like it was a horribly depressing day for her. She reached out for her hubby the only way she could at the time.
Good luck to you in the contest,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 02-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
Thank you, Patty, for your kind comments. Yes, her telling of the day she did these things made an impression on me.
Jo
Comment from 24chas
This was a well written piece, Justjo66. I think you really captured a widow's feelings in this one. Especially with wearing the clothes. But I liked the way you ended the story as well, with a positive mindset to move on. Nice job.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
This was a well written piece, Justjo66. I think you really captured a widow's feelings in this one. Especially with wearing the clothes. But I liked the way you ended the story as well, with a positive mindset to move on. Nice job.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
I am glad you liked my story. Thanks for your comments.
Jo
Comment from Joanna S. Blue
This is a very moving and very relatable portrait of grief; of the things we do, whether consciously or unconsciously, to deal with it. The details of the red flannel
shirt, the hat, the whisky add poignancy and sensory detail. Putting on the hat and
going out to feed the horse suggests forward movement, optimism. I might let that
be the ending; it's a beautiful image.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
|
This is a very moving and very relatable portrait of grief; of the things we do, whether consciously or unconsciously, to deal with it. The details of the red flannel
shirt, the hat, the whisky add poignancy and sensory detail. Putting on the hat and
going out to feed the horse suggests forward movement, optimism. I might let that
be the ending; it's a beautiful image.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2019
-
I considered the feeding of the horse the ending. In my mind it was. Yet, I felt like it might need a brighter note. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them.
Jo
