Fragmentation
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Riverside"Modern Poetry
16 total reviews
Comment from Six-Star Writer
This is another throughline of yours: an obsession with movement, and a metamorphosis of one kind or another. This is another writing strength you possess.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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This is another throughline of yours: an obsession with movement, and a metamorphosis of one kind or another. This is another writing strength you possess.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2019
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Thanks for the excellent review and your perspective on my poem. Riverside is maybe one of the surreal pieces, one of the abstract expressionist pieces. Thanks for the encouraging comments on my work. estory
Comment from meeshu
I love the language and the fluid verse. some great stream-of-consciousness writing. just what I like to read. very enjoyable ride, Estory..................meeshu
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2019
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I love the language and the fluid verse. some great stream-of-consciousness writing. just what I like to read. very enjoyable ride, Estory..................meeshu
Comment Written 03-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2019
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Thanks again for the exceptional review and the comments supporting this poem. estory
Comment from kiwijenny
Within the river,
I hear voices
Calling me out of myself
And I come out of my skin,
Uncurling into whirlpools,
Currents, ripples,
Reflections of the sky,
Waterfalls.
I throw myself over,
Stretched into threads,
Ribbons off expressions,
Moments hanging in mid-air.
I love this...I love the water...I love the calling me out of myself
God bless
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Within the river,
I hear voices
Calling me out of myself
And I come out of my skin,
Uncurling into whirlpools,
Currents, ripples,
Reflections of the sky,
Waterfalls.
I throw myself over,
Stretched into threads,
Ribbons off expressions,
Moments hanging in mid-air.
I love this...I love the water...I love the calling me out of myself
God bless
Comment Written 01-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for letting me know what worked for you in this poem. Glad you enjoyed it and found yourself coming out of your skin estory
Comment from Ulla
Hi estory, I read your lovely free verse poem several times and each time I liked it more. It's almost ethereal in its tone and I can see how the river and its travel towards the ocean is a metaphor for finding your inner self. I liked it a lot and, alas,no six for you. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Hi estory, I read your lovely free verse poem several times and each time I liked it more. It's almost ethereal in its tone and I can see how the river and its travel towards the ocean is a metaphor for finding your inner self. I liked it a lot and, alas,no six for you. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 01-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the continued support of my poetry and prose here on Fanstory. I am glad you liked it and found it so ethereal and transcendent; that was the idea. let the water take you away on a journey of the spirit estory
Comment from Ross E Silke
A very lovely picture of the river flowing and becoming a big ocean. Wow! Powerful images and pictures here and your thoughts flow nicely together. It held my attention and allowed me to 'dive in' into this river ocean of reminiscing. Very colourful and delightful to read and envision. I might suggest adding colour to your background and font, and including a watery river/ocean picture to your piece to make it stand out and hook the reader in; otherwise, the presentation outwardly seems bland, but the way you've sorted the stanzas with roman numerals is helpful I find. Peaceful and enjoyable!
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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A very lovely picture of the river flowing and becoming a big ocean. Wow! Powerful images and pictures here and your thoughts flow nicely together. It held my attention and allowed me to 'dive in' into this river ocean of reminiscing. Very colourful and delightful to read and envision. I might suggest adding colour to your background and font, and including a watery river/ocean picture to your piece to make it stand out and hook the reader in; otherwise, the presentation outwardly seems bland, but the way you've sorted the stanzas with roman numerals is helpful I find. Peaceful and enjoyable!
Comment Written 01-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the comments supporting the piece, as well as the suggestions. I leave the presentation to the marketing side, and concentrate on the content of the writing here on Fanstory. But I am really glad you found the images so powerful and transformative. I work hard on those things. estory
Comment from Ms. Snyder
Transcendence is something that I am working on diligently to try and master for the sake of my anxiety. This was poem was quite the journey. I enjoyed it a lot! Estory I need to ask one thing it may be intentional that you wrote this way - but did you mean "Ribbons off expressions,"? Or is the off supposed to be (of)? So you are bungee jumping over a river? In your meditative state - is that what the end was? I wouldn't do that exactly - LOL if that was the case. I would rather kayak or just sit at the edge maybe feed the ducks or fish. Something less scary. I am still trying hard to give myself up. I am too much in the (control phase of my life) to give it entirely up. But I haven't stopped trying. Cheers, Fonda
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Transcendence is something that I am working on diligently to try and master for the sake of my anxiety. This was poem was quite the journey. I enjoyed it a lot! Estory I need to ask one thing it may be intentional that you wrote this way - but did you mean "Ribbons off expressions,"? Or is the off supposed to be (of)? So you are bungee jumping over a river? In your meditative state - is that what the end was? I wouldn't do that exactly - LOL if that was the case. I would rather kayak or just sit at the edge maybe feed the ducks or fish. Something less scary. I am still trying hard to give myself up. I am too much in the (control phase of my life) to give it entirely up. But I haven't stopped trying. Cheers, Fonda
Comment Written 01-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your comments and your perspective on the poem. I think you got what I was trying to say; this is about coming out of yourself, letting yourself go and plugging into the Spirit and letting it take you away to a new experience of joy in living. Only by letting go of yourself, just like jumping into a river, can you experience the power of the Spirit. And all the things that troubled you flow away, and you leave them behind, and become something else. estory
Comment from Christine C Autry
I liked this poem. It was like a meditation just reading it. Made me feel relaxed. You did a really good job of describing. A reincarnation of the spirit. Well written, and very nice read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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I liked this poem. It was like a meditation just reading it. Made me feel relaxed. You did a really good job of describing. A reincarnation of the spirit. Well written, and very nice read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your wonderful comments supporting the poem. I think its great that the poem relaxed you, that's what it was intended to do. Calm you down, take you away estory
Comment from susand3022
Hello Estory... I really liked the flow of this poem. I like the way you took that leaf and put it in the river, flowed downstream and made it disintegrate into the river becoming a part of a larger thing than itself. I wish my mind worked that way more often! :)
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Hello Estory... I really liked the flow of this poem. I like the way you took that leaf and put it in the river, flowed downstream and made it disintegrate into the river becoming a part of a larger thing than itself. I wish my mind worked that way more often! :)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and the comments supporting the poem. You really got exactly what I wanted you to out of that leaf taken away by the river image. estory
Comment from Irish Rain
Oh, how pretty Estory.
I think we are always 'one' with everything,
so it's not impossible at all I think,
to leave ourselves behind...and travel spiritually.
Everything is always downstream.
Beautiful,
Blessings...
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Oh, how pretty Estory.
I think we are always 'one' with everything,
so it's not impossible at all I think,
to leave ourselves behind...and travel spiritually.
Everything is always downstream.
Beautiful,
Blessings...
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the comments supporting the poem. That's exactly what I wanted you to feel. estory
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Oh good!
Comment from writer_13
I like the form of your poem and the beautiful words that you use to describe the way you are becoming part of the flow of the river and transforming. Is the last line supposed to mean that the person who stands by the edge of the river jumps into the water?
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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I like the form of your poem and the beautiful words that you use to describe the way you are becoming part of the flow of the river and transforming. Is the last line supposed to mean that the person who stands by the edge of the river jumps into the water?
Comment Written 28-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2019
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Yes, that's what the last line means. You leave yourself behind and let yourself be transformed by the Spirit, here personified by that water or river image. It's about leaving yourself behind to become something else. estory
