The Convict Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Unknown Beckons"Levi escorts a train full of dangerous convicts
4 total reviews
Comment from Sugarray77
I really enjoyed reading this western tale and the two separate stories. The complement one another. There were a few things that need attention:
3rd para... snow (capped) mountains
15th para.... interrupted
Mr. Patterson is misspelled
All Aboard is misspelled
A good read.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021
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I really enjoyed reading this western tale and the two separate stories. The complement one another. There were a few things that need attention:
3rd para... snow (capped) mountains
15th para.... interrupted
Mr. Patterson is misspelled
All Aboard is misspelled
A good read.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021
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Sugarray, I am so sorry for not responding to this. I was going through my reviews and I found several I had not replied to. Reviews such as yours helped me too publish this book. From Fanstory to getting the final manuscript professionally edited, to getting through the other steps involved, and placing it on amazon. I failed in keeping up on my reviews. Then dealing with this covid environment. I wouldn't blame you if you gave up on me. But I owed you an apology, and I am sorry. Thank you for your reviews. Stay safe and stay well. Mr. Green
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I have a few suggestions Larry. The first chapter doesn't make sense as it is. I re-arranged it a bit.
Setting deep in the forest, just a few miles from the Pacific Ocean, Olympia, Washington, got cold as the early evening hours approached. It was beautiful country, with the tall pines and the rugged snow caped mountains silhouetted against the horizon. There was a dampness in the air, and a chill on the wind. Kyle shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around his neck. He was taking it all in, as he and J.B.approached the Sheriff's Office.
I hope you like the change. Another thing. I feel like you used the men's names too often in the conversations.
Examples>>>"Sheriff, we got a room We know it is Kyle talking later as he glances at the stack of papers.
When the Sheriff answers him he doesn't need to use his name. You mention Kyle several times in a brief conversation.
from his lips and (set) it down on the desk
In this chapter Levi and Badger are leaving Walla Walla to
Olympia, to Seatco, where we will pick up the men who are still incarcerated there. No doubt they will be running into J.B. and Kyle and then the adventure really begins.
Can't wait. LOL Nancy:)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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I have a few suggestions Larry. The first chapter doesn't make sense as it is. I re-arranged it a bit.
Setting deep in the forest, just a few miles from the Pacific Ocean, Olympia, Washington, got cold as the early evening hours approached. It was beautiful country, with the tall pines and the rugged snow caped mountains silhouetted against the horizon. There was a dampness in the air, and a chill on the wind. Kyle shivered and pulled his jacket tighter around his neck. He was taking it all in, as he and J.B.approached the Sheriff's Office.
I hope you like the change. Another thing. I feel like you used the men's names too often in the conversations.
Examples>>>"Sheriff, we got a room We know it is Kyle talking later as he glances at the stack of papers.
When the Sheriff answers him he doesn't need to use his name. You mention Kyle several times in a brief conversation.
from his lips and (set) it down on the desk
In this chapter Levi and Badger are leaving Walla Walla to
Olympia, to Seatco, where we will pick up the men who are still incarcerated there. No doubt they will be running into J.B. and Kyle and then the adventure really begins.
Can't wait. LOL Nancy:)
Comment Written 24-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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Thank you Nancy, I will go back and take another look. These are excellent suggestions, and I am inclined to agree with you.
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My pleasure!
Comment from MissMerri
I really like how you tell this story. It has just enough detail to make it clearly visual and believable and the dialogue is well-done and ample, which adds to the feeling of reality. Also, the plot is very interesting. I think you are definitely on the right track in all respects and your story just might turn out to be a best-seller. I wouldn't be surprised.
Here are a few suggestions.... to take or reject.
*** ... and the rugged snow caped (capped?) mountains silhouetting the horizon (I would say "silhouetted against the horizon," to be more accurate.)
*** Sheriff Coolly slowly brought his cup away from his lips and sat (set) it down on the desk.
*** When they entered the Montgomery Hotel, he dropped his cigar into the dirt, pressing (pressed) it with his boot, he (then instead of he) turned and walked away
***... bellow of smoke escape the train, and a man near-by calling out. ("nearby" needs no hyphen)
Good luck with this story. It is really well-done and most intriguing. MM
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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I really like how you tell this story. It has just enough detail to make it clearly visual and believable and the dialogue is well-done and ample, which adds to the feeling of reality. Also, the plot is very interesting. I think you are definitely on the right track in all respects and your story just might turn out to be a best-seller. I wouldn't be surprised.
Here are a few suggestions.... to take or reject.
*** ... and the rugged snow caped (capped?) mountains silhouetting the horizon (I would say "silhouetted against the horizon," to be more accurate.)
*** Sheriff Coolly slowly brought his cup away from his lips and sat (set) it down on the desk.
*** When they entered the Montgomery Hotel, he dropped his cigar into the dirt, pressing (pressed) it with his boot, he (then instead of he) turned and walked away
***... bellow of smoke escape the train, and a man near-by calling out. ("nearby" needs no hyphen)
Good luck with this story. It is really well-done and most intriguing. MM
Comment Written 23-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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Hi MissMerri, Thank you for your kind review, and for taking the time to offer some valuable suggestions. I will go back and take another look.
Comment from Randa Dayle
Great story, I noticed you are talking about territory, and pinkerton dectives, so I am assuming this is a western, in the old west, 1800's sometime. I think that's a great idea. Just wondering if the bigger breaks between paragraphs are purposeful? I was trying to decide if it was another speaker or meaning. Good job!
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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Great story, I noticed you are talking about territory, and pinkerton dectives, so I am assuming this is a western, in the old west, 1800's sometime. I think that's a great idea. Just wondering if the bigger breaks between paragraphs are purposeful? I was trying to decide if it was another speaker or meaning. Good job!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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Thank you for your review. This is a western, taking place in the late 1800's. I meant only one extra space. It was just before Badger headed to Walla Walla to catch the train. I am not sure how to indicate a different place in the story (going from events in Olympia to the Character of Badger) who is many miles away, other than adding one extra space. If you know of any solutions for this, I'm really open minded.
