Alamuir
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "On the Road to Paris"Historical Romance - Georgian era
4 total reviews
Comment from Lordinajamjar
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter it is so well written and I really love your reference to detail which is sprinkled sparingly enough to delight rather than distract this reader. The story glides along beautifully and I would definitely read the finished book.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this chapter it is so well written and I really love your reference to detail which is sprinkled sparingly enough to delight rather than distract this reader. The story glides along beautifully and I would definitely read the finished book.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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Thank you! What a nice review. That's what keeps us writing. - Chris
Comment from Sally Law
This was like eating Thanksgiving dinner and I was the guest of honor. Superbly written, albeit long. That is my only critique.
Remember who your readers are. Fanstonians typically shy away from long reads. I learned this the hard way with a Novella about this length for one chapter. I love a good, long, meaty read. This filled me up deliciously. I would make a chapter about half this in length for FanStory.
All my best,
Sal :+)
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019
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This was like eating Thanksgiving dinner and I was the guest of honor. Superbly written, albeit long. That is my only critique.
Remember who your readers are. Fanstonians typically shy away from long reads. I learned this the hard way with a Novella about this length for one chapter. I love a good, long, meaty read. This filled me up deliciously. I would make a chapter about half this in length for FanStory.
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019
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I almost cut it in half when I posted it - I probably should have. I appreciate the tip and will look for better breakpoints in the chapters. I can sympathize - I rarely have time to sit and read longer works when I'm on FanStory. This one was my least favorite chapters - I feel like it needed some work, but I needed transition. Thank you for reading it, your kind review and your good advice. - Chris
Comment from JudyE
Another interesting chapter with more information being revealed little by little.
I picked up a couple of things:
She looked at Oliver and saw how young and unprepared for the tremendous responsibility that had been placed upon him. You might want to put 'he was' after 'prepared'.
And the sentence: 'But she rebelled at the thought of giving away her hard-won freedom.' I wonder if the freedom is really 'hard-won' as she hasn't really done anything to gain her freedom. Maybe 'new-found' would be better?
I'm away for a few days but I'll be sure to catch up when I'm able.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019
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Another interesting chapter with more information being revealed little by little.
I picked up a couple of things:
She looked at Oliver and saw how young and unprepared for the tremendous responsibility that had been placed upon him. You might want to put 'he was' after 'prepared'.
And the sentence: 'But she rebelled at the thought of giving away her hard-won freedom.' I wonder if the freedom is really 'hard-won' as she hasn't really done anything to gain her freedom. Maybe 'new-found' would be better?
I'm away for a few days but I'll be sure to catch up when I'm able.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019
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Both are very good catches. Thank you, Judy!
Comment from RodG
We begin to see who Catherine really is, a woman who values her freedom yet eager to fulfill the wishes of her dead husband. I like her relationship with Oliver and how she comes to understand Simmons better. His loyalty to the Duke, her, andOliver is commendable. Except for the brief intrusion of the Earlof Begley, the story focuses on character development not plot. Rod
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019
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We begin to see who Catherine really is, a woman who values her freedom yet eager to fulfill the wishes of her dead husband. I like her relationship with Oliver and how she comes to understand Simmons better. His loyalty to the Duke, her, andOliver is commendable. Except for the brief intrusion of the Earlof Begley, the story focuses on character development not plot. Rod
Comment Written 21-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2019
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Thank you, Rod. I truly appreciate your comments. It was sort of a catch-up chapter. You'll see more of Begley...
