The Convict Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Silent Stranger"Levi escorts a train full of dangerous convicts
5 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I wonder whom the brothers are contacting. Why are they even here? Who are they working for?
Come on fella's, <-- No apostrophe on a plural, just fellas.
maybe you or someone here, could help <-- Remove comma, since it divides subject from predicate.
to meet this, Luke Miles. <-- Remove comma.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019
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I wonder whom the brothers are contacting. Why are they even here? Who are they working for?
Come on fella's, <-- No apostrophe on a plural, just fellas.
maybe you or someone here, could help <-- Remove comma, since it divides subject from predicate.
to meet this, Luke Miles. <-- Remove comma.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019
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Thank you Phyllis, your review is greatly appreciated. I am on my way to edit now.
Comment from shaffer40
I like westerns, and this looks like a good one. I can visualize the story unfolding like I'm watching it on TV. I would like to correct some misspellings and comma placements, but there is no editing track on here for me to make as many suggestions as I'd like. I enjoy editing, especially when there's something good to work with. I will list just a few.
Under "Background," "Washington" should have a comma both before and after, and "shootout" is one word.
I would write: "Resting on his head and tilted toward his right ear was a gray-and-white striped hat."
"Carl, we [small "w"]
"ruff" should be "rough"
"Your welcome, Carl" should be "You're welcome, Carl."
"were not lawmen" should be "we're not lawmen."
"I will make sure the Sherriff" should be "sheriff." and "sheriff" should not be capitalized unless you are stating it as a name, such as "Sheriff Cooley" but not "the sheriff." Same for "conductor," which is capitalized in only a couple places.
"Alright" should read "All right."
"recon" should be "reckon."
"stepped passed" should be "stepped past."
"I have been here many times" might be changed to a contraction to sound more natural: "I've been..." I saw another one of those, but now I can't find it.
"Boot Hill" should be capitalized, followed by a period.
"but family, no. He was...."
"Main Street" should be capitalized.
These are some of the changes I would suggest.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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I like westerns, and this looks like a good one. I can visualize the story unfolding like I'm watching it on TV. I would like to correct some misspellings and comma placements, but there is no editing track on here for me to make as many suggestions as I'd like. I enjoy editing, especially when there's something good to work with. I will list just a few.
Under "Background," "Washington" should have a comma both before and after, and "shootout" is one word.
I would write: "Resting on his head and tilted toward his right ear was a gray-and-white striped hat."
"Carl, we [small "w"]
"ruff" should be "rough"
"Your welcome, Carl" should be "You're welcome, Carl."
"were not lawmen" should be "we're not lawmen."
"I will make sure the Sherriff" should be "sheriff." and "sheriff" should not be capitalized unless you are stating it as a name, such as "Sheriff Cooley" but not "the sheriff." Same for "conductor," which is capitalized in only a couple places.
"Alright" should read "All right."
"recon" should be "reckon."
"stepped passed" should be "stepped past."
"I have been here many times" might be changed to a contraction to sound more natural: "I've been..." I saw another one of those, but now I can't find it.
"Boot Hill" should be capitalized, followed by a period.
"but family, no. He was...."
"Main Street" should be capitalized.
These are some of the changes I would suggest.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2019
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Hi Shaffer40, I thank you for your review, and for taking the time to offer some valuable suggestions. I will go back and take another look at this chapter.
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Write on...doing good.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
The conductor stepped [past] Kyle (replace passed)
I see you are getting a lot of editing from some members. Be sure to nominate them for the reviewing contest when you save your review comments. I'm sure you have probably fixed it all by now. There seems to be a lot of cloak and dagger going on at this stop. Who is the watcher? I hope it is the one they are there to meet! Well done Larry. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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The conductor stepped [past] Kyle (replace passed)
I see you are getting a lot of editing from some members. Be sure to nominate them for the reviewing contest when you save your review comments. I'm sure you have probably fixed it all by now. There seems to be a lot of cloak and dagger going on at this stop. Who is the watcher? I hope it is the one they are there to meet! Well done Larry. Nancy:)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Hi there, Nancy. Yes, the suggested editing was greatly appreciated. I have come down with an eye desease called Uveitus. Without doctor's care, I will slowly go blind. Fortunately, so far as I have been working, I have been able to keep up with my necessary care. But I have good days and I have days, when focusing my eyes on a computer screen, can be challenging. I don't know what it will all look like when I do retire. When I proof-read something, I have to do it three or four times every time, trying to catch my errors. But I still enjoy writing, it just takes me a little longer now days. Take care, my friend, and happy writing.
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I am so sorry to hear that. There is a program that will type while you dictate to your computer. That might be beneficial for you. Tell the reviewers you have this problem and they will be there for you. God Bless you Larry. Something is going on with my eyes now. They weep all the time. I need to make an appointment. Nancy:)
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Mr. Green,
When I read your profile, I noticed you are interested in beginning to write when you retire. A lot of people here on the site are retired, and you will find a lot of like-minded folks.
Your story is interesting, but it would be much better if the proper mechanics of writing were employed.
a few notes:
'"Carl!" J.B. called out to a tall+, lean man of about fifty years,' When there is more than one adjective modifying a noun, there should be a comma between them.
'Resting on his head , and tilted towards the top of his right ear,' This is obviously a typo - an extra space before the comma, but should be edited before posting.
'"Carl McDuggle+." The conductor said as he turned and wiped his largeruff rough hands on his shirt.' Whenever using quotation marks, proper punctuation must be used. A period is correct here because the next sentence is an action tag. Misspellings should be edited.
'The both of you saved many lives today+, and I will make sure' In a compound sentence such as this one, a comma is needed before the conjunction 'and.'
'gonna do about that outlaw's body?"' Possessive punctuation should be used here.
' Sheriff's office and then notify theCoronor's Coroner's office, Always check for spelling errors. Readers will get easily distracted by misspelled words.
Here are a few pointers that I give to my students in Creative Writing.
When writing a piece, after you're done, put it aside for a while, so you are then looking at it with fresh eyes. Then, read the piece OUT LOUD. This will help you identify missing words, misplaced words, and even some punctuation errors.
Next, I would suggest finding a good style guide to help you learn about the mechanics of writing. I highly recommend 'Elements of Style 2017.' It is easy to understand and well organized.
Write as much as you can. Every day, if at all possible. The best way to become a writer is to WRITE!!
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Hi, Mr. Green,
When I read your profile, I noticed you are interested in beginning to write when you retire. A lot of people here on the site are retired, and you will find a lot of like-minded folks.
Your story is interesting, but it would be much better if the proper mechanics of writing were employed.
a few notes:
'"Carl!" J.B. called out to a tall+, lean man of about fifty years,' When there is more than one adjective modifying a noun, there should be a comma between them.
'Resting on his head , and tilted towards the top of his right ear,' This is obviously a typo - an extra space before the comma, but should be edited before posting.
'"Carl McDuggle+." The conductor said as he turned and wiped his large
'The both of you saved many lives today+, and I will make sure' In a compound sentence such as this one, a comma is needed before the conjunction 'and.'
'gonna do about that outlaw's body?"' Possessive punctuation should be used here.
' Sheriff's office and then notify the
Here are a few pointers that I give to my students in Creative Writing.
When writing a piece, after you're done, put it aside for a while, so you are then looking at it with fresh eyes. Then, read the piece OUT LOUD. This will help you identify missing words, misplaced words, and even some punctuation errors.
Next, I would suggest finding a good style guide to help you learn about the mechanics of writing. I highly recommend 'Elements of Style 2017.' It is easy to understand and well organized.
Write as much as you can. Every day, if at all possible. The best way to become a writer is to WRITE!!
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Wow! You are awesome. Thank you very much for taking the time to help me. I have what is called Uveitus, it is a disease of the eyes, and when it becomes difficult to focus, writing can become more of a challenge. Sometimes it slows me down, when I want to move forward. Proof-reading is something I have to do three or four times, every time, in an effort to catch my errors. However, writing is something I have come to enjoy very much. I must confess, I did not proof-read this chapter, and it came back to bite me. Once again, proving how important it is. I am off to make corrections. Thank you.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I did like the small-town feel of this and the ruggedness of the characters. I had to give you a four, though, Mr. Green, because there were so many grammatical and even spelling errors. Time for some every writer's least favorite task, I'm afraid: proof-reading!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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I did like the small-town feel of this and the ruggedness of the characters. I had to give you a four, though, Mr. Green, because there were so many grammatical and even spelling errors. Time for some every writer's least favorite task, I'm afraid: proof-reading!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Thank you for your honest review. I have another review addressing the same concern. I am off to make corrections. Your comments are greatly appreciated.
