The Convict Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The second journey begins"Levi escorts a train full of dangerous convicts
6 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Larry,
I didn't read this part with my correcting pen out but instead, read for content and the continuation of the storyline.
You are a very good storyteller, and this shines through in your prose. I found the piece engaging and interesting. I feel like I am ready to go on the next part of the journey and your Author's note has my curiosity piqued.
Thank you for sharing,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
  |
Hi, Larry,
I didn't read this part with my correcting pen out but instead, read for content and the continuation of the storyline.
You are a very good storyteller, and this shines through in your prose. I found the piece engaging and interesting. I feel like I am ready to go on the next part of the journey and your Author's note has my curiosity piqued.
Thank you for sharing,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 21-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
-
Hi there Mustang Patty, Thank you for your review, and for your kind words. I'm just an OLD storyteller, who is to old to go to college, and to ONERY, to give up trying to learn. I do appreciate all of your advise.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Interesting. He got his old friend to come along just so he could chat with him again. Good scam. He doesn't know what to expect, but I hope he's prepared for the worst The cons are not going to be well behaved!
many of these con's are tough <-- Every time you wrote CONS, you added an apostrophe, which is not correct. Remove them all and just leave it as cons, which is the plural of the word con. Correct examples below:
The two cons shared a cell. <--plural
The con's only goal was to escape. <--possessive
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
|
Interesting. He got his old friend to come along just so he could chat with him again. Good scam. He doesn't know what to expect, but I hope he's prepared for the worst The cons are not going to be well behaved!
many of these con's are tough <-- Every time you wrote CONS, you added an apostrophe, which is not correct. Remove them all and just leave it as cons, which is the plural of the word con. Correct examples below:
The two cons shared a cell. <--plural
The con's only goal was to escape. <--possessive
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
-
Thank you very much for your review. This is my learning ground. There are so many writers out there who understand that part of writing, much better then I do. I am just an old story teller who has a lot to learn about the finer points of this craft. I'm just to old to go to college, and to young to give up trying.
Comment from royowen
At least here in Australia, prisons always run at an incredible cost to the Taxpayer, the money is recovered to a certain extent by gardens growing veggies or some clothing made by prisoners, so it doesn't surprise me that a prison might fold. Well done with this, obviously Levi and Badger have been hired to make sure hardened criminals won't escape in being transported from place to place. Good dialogue expressed, characters in place for the next instalment, well done, good rundown, blessings, Roy
Typo : are tough(,) hardened men(,) who...2 the sa(')me gorse for you Badger..
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
|
At least here in Australia, prisons always run at an incredible cost to the Taxpayer, the money is recovered to a certain extent by gardens growing veggies or some clothing made by prisoners, so it doesn't surprise me that a prison might fold. Well done with this, obviously Levi and Badger have been hired to make sure hardened criminals won't escape in being transported from place to place. Good dialogue expressed, characters in place for the next instalment, well done, good rundown, blessings, Roy
Typo : are tough(,) hardened men(,) who...2 the sa(')me gorse for you Badger..
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
-
Thank you Roy. Although this story is fiction, it is based on, and molded around actual events. I hope you will enjoy the rest of the story.
-
Well done
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Wow, It sounds as though this assignment will be very dangerous. Maybe someone should tell the convicts they are going to a better place, although I doubt that would stop any of them from wanting to escape imprisonment. I can understand that. So... I count thirteen men to escort 98 convicts. How Far? Thirteen, only if Badgers friend agrees to go. Then I assume maybe Levi's brothers will join them later. I suppose the convicts will be chained to their seats? Well done Larry. Let's go get-em! Nancy:)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
|
Wow, It sounds as though this assignment will be very dangerous. Maybe someone should tell the convicts they are going to a better place, although I doubt that would stop any of them from wanting to escape imprisonment. I can understand that. So... I count thirteen men to escort 98 convicts. How Far? Thirteen, only if Badgers friend agrees to go. Then I assume maybe Levi's brothers will join them later. I suppose the convicts will be chained to their seats? Well done Larry. Let's go get-em! Nancy:)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
-
Thank you Nancy. Although this story is fiction, it is based on, and molded around actual events. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story.
-
I'm sure I will
Comment from TheStoryMan
This is a really good chapter. This story is very interesting. A couple of minor issues...deteriorated not detereaerated and incurred not encurred. I can't wait to see where this story takes us.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
|
This is a really good chapter. This story is very interesting. A couple of minor issues...deteriorated not detereaerated and incurred not encurred. I can't wait to see where this story takes us.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
-
Thank you for your review. I ran this with my spell check but without much success. Thanks again
Comment from Raul1
This story needs to be showing and not telling, but since it's a story it is written well. What you need more is to describe emotions through storytelling. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
|
This story needs to be showing and not telling, but since it's a story it is written well. What you need more is to describe emotions through storytelling. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2019
-
This is not part of a contest, so I hope this review goes with this story. Thank you very much for your review.
-
You're welcome!
