St Louis
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "St. Louis Chapter 1 part 2"Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?
33 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Seems Logan does not have a high opinion of females, or is it just McKenzie?
"At McKenzie's townhouse, Logan parked" is passive and should be active Logan parked at McKenzie's townhouse.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2023
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Seems Logan does not have a high opinion of females, or is it just McKenzie?
"At McKenzie's townhouse, Logan parked" is passive and should be active Logan parked at McKenzie's townhouse.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2023
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This novel is at an editors as we speak. I should get it back in a few days and then it's off to be published. Thank you for dropping by,
Comment from Tootsie55
I missed this chapter for some reason. Glad I looked in and found one little spag or suggesting change. "If I [woul](ha)dn't have come along, how would you have gotten yourself out of this mess?"
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2019
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I missed this chapter for some reason. Glad I looked in and found one little spag or suggesting change. "If I [woul](ha)dn't have come along, how would you have gotten yourself out of this mess?"
Comment Written 25-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I will make that correction.
Comment from Sefiros
I don't like Logan. He's pretty much a sexist. Plus there's something off about him. He guessed how long McKenzie was in that bar, then checked himself with specifics. If this guy's supposed to be a Major in the army, with that discipline and attention to detail, he wouldn't have made the guess. He would have confirmed the right answer on the first try. Just something I didn't like about the man. If that's your intention about him, then good job. Looking forward to future installments.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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I don't like Logan. He's pretty much a sexist. Plus there's something off about him. He guessed how long McKenzie was in that bar, then checked himself with specifics. If this guy's supposed to be a Major in the army, with that discipline and attention to detail, he wouldn't have made the guess. He would have confirmed the right answer on the first try. Just something I didn't like about the man. If that's your intention about him, then good job. Looking forward to future installments.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
Nice start to this new story. Definitely have me intrigued. *smile* Drinking water with lemon won't get you in that situation so those guys were certainly up to no good - glad he was there.
One small note:
--> Logan watched as McKenzie parallel park(ed).
Thanks!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019
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Barbara,
Nice start to this new story. Definitely have me intrigued. *smile* Drinking water with lemon won't get you in that situation so those guys were certainly up to no good - glad he was there.
One small note:
--> Logan watched as McKenzie parallel park(ed).
Thanks!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2019
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DARN!!! I really thought I had that area fixed and it's still messed up. Phooyee. Thank you for finding it.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice instalment, letting see a bit more about Logan.
Logan watched as McKenzie parallel park.- either - Logan watched McKenzie parallel park. - or - Logan watched as McKenzie parallel parked.
Logan didn't move his glare from the Pub's door. - do you need pub to be capitalised here? Also, glare feels a little harsh, could be gaze or stare.
"This female P.I. who I've spoken to for all of ten minutes and who I don't even know is affecting my gut - I think you could do with some additional punctuation in here.
to the dark, smoke filled room. - maybe hyphenate smoke-filled here.
I'd always opt for longer posts unless they are natural breaks.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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Nice instalment, letting see a bit more about Logan.
Logan watched as McKenzie parallel park.- either - Logan watched McKenzie parallel park. - or - Logan watched as McKenzie parallel parked.
Logan didn't move his glare from the Pub's door. - do you need pub to be capitalised here? Also, glare feels a little harsh, could be gaze or stare.
"This female P.I. who I've spoken to for all of ten minutes and who I don't even know is affecting my gut - I think you could do with some additional punctuation in here.
to the dark, smoke filled room. - maybe hyphenate smoke-filled here.
I'd always opt for longer posts unless they are natural breaks.
All the best
G
Comment Written 20-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2019
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The vote is pretty even. I'll see if I can compromise and post between 500 and 1300 words. Maybe around 800 - 900 words, if I can fit in a natural break. This weeks will be about the same because it's the end of a chapter. I have made the corrections. I've rewritten that bothersome sentence. I hope I didn't make it worse. Thank you for the help.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Nothing, and water with lemon. I'm glad you got here. I think those two were up to no good. I don't think she knew them." I love these little additions which make your stories seem so real. That is actually all I will drink lol. I love this I have just read the other part and now look forward to the next. I do not always have time to review these days but I will look for your book I love your style of writing literally I only review work I love. This is truly excellent and I anticipate the next you write with aplomb and are superb at your craft as I have always said Barbara. This is brilliant well done love Meia x
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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"Nothing, and water with lemon. I'm glad you got here. I think those two were up to no good. I don't think she knew them." I love these little additions which make your stories seem so real. That is actually all I will drink lol. I love this I have just read the other part and now look forward to the next. I do not always have time to review these days but I will look for your book I love your style of writing literally I only review work I love. This is truly excellent and I anticipate the next you write with aplomb and are superb at your craft as I have always said Barbara. This is brilliant well done love Meia x
Comment Written 19-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review and encouragement.
Comment from Ben Colder
Here we go with another adventure. I never read anything here concerning mystery. My compliments for not using slang and filth as others do. Your stories are more interesting without it.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Here we go with another adventure. I never read anything here concerning mystery. My compliments for not using slang and filth as others do. Your stories are more interesting without it.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Artasylum
The opening sentence makes me angry at the chauvinist Logan... get a clue Logan you couldn't handle a plum Dodge Coronet Super Bee... great job as always. diana
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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The opening sentence makes me angry at the chauvinist Logan... get a clue Logan you couldn't handle a plum Dodge Coronet Super Bee... great job as always. diana
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Logan is really one of the good guys. He's just a little opinionated. Mac will take care of that. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Love the suspense here! We still don't know what Mac is up to at the bar. If was drinking only water, why is she apparently passed out? I'm curious to find out. PI's have their ways. Logan feels like he has to protect Mac, and I think it's funny he doesn't approve of her car, thinks it's too much for her. She's not going to be pleased that Logan followed her, and she really won't be pleased to find herself in hit hotel room. Great work. You set a good pace in this. judi
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Love the suspense here! We still don't know what Mac is up to at the bar. If was drinking only water, why is she apparently passed out? I'm curious to find out. PI's have their ways. Logan feels like he has to protect Mac, and I think it's funny he doesn't approve of her car, thinks it's too much for her. She's not going to be pleased that Logan followed her, and she really won't be pleased to find herself in hit hotel room. Great work. You set a good pace in this. judi
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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I think Logan will be pleasantly surprised with Mac. At least I hope so. Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome. Logan seems to believe all the stereotypes about women. He'll be in for some lessons. judi
Comment from Shirley McLain
Full of action and intrigue. Ended the chapter way too soon. I wanted more to read. I did not find any spag. You did a great job. Have a blessed day. Shirley
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Full of action and intrigue. Ended the chapter way too soon. I wanted more to read. I did not find any spag. You did a great job. Have a blessed day. Shirley
Comment Written 18-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the kind review. I have 2 votes for longer posts and 2 for they remain the same. OH my!!!
