Wilderness Redemption Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart"Shenanigans on the frontier
22 total reviews
Comment from Sally Law
Loved this, are you kidding? History and romance...well, it doesn't get any better for me. I thought the kiss on hand scene was so sugar sweet.
A little tidying is needed. I saw two places where the sentence did not extend to the margin, one of them went off into a paragraph mid-point all by itself. Easily fixed. I would tend to that as soon as you are able.
I enjoyed this very much. Keep em' coming. Wasn't Loretta Lynn's husband named Doolittle? I think she called him Doo for short.
All my best,
Sal :+)
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Loved this, are you kidding? History and romance...well, it doesn't get any better for me. I thought the kiss on hand scene was so sugar sweet.
A little tidying is needed. I saw two places where the sentence did not extend to the margin, one of them went off into a paragraph mid-point all by itself. Easily fixed. I would tend to that as soon as you are able.
I enjoyed this very much. Keep em' coming. Wasn't Loretta Lynn's husband named Doolittle? I think she called him Doo for short.
All my best,
Sal :+)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Roseanna thought it was sugar sweet too. Could you give me some better hints about where I need to tidy, I can't tell from your explanation. Yes Loretta Lynn's Husband was Doolittle and she called him Doo. One of my reviewers said I "tell" rather than "show" do you find that to be the case? I appreciate you taking a look and following the story.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Earl. Your frontier tale continues to interest me. The writing is good, but could be better of course if you used more imagery. Much of what you have in this chapter is "telling" rather than"showing"
Excellent dialogue for the most part. Now if you could just start "showing" what is going on , you will be all set, my friend.
Suggestions: ""You going to the privy Granny," Andy Jackson Carter asked. (missing a question mark here)
And: You need a space after this (2 people talking) ""Dan'l I'll tan your hide with a switch if you try to grab all them cookies for yourself again."
And: You should alleviate some ot the "hads" in this , especially in passages like this one, Earl: "Zack had walked with a limp ever since losing two toes at Valley Forge. He had mustered out after serving until 1780. He had moved his family west of the Allegheny's the following year. With the help of his three sons he had carved out a 200 acre farm north of Pittsburgh.
Bless you, Bob
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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Hi, Earl. Your frontier tale continues to interest me. The writing is good, but could be better of course if you used more imagery. Much of what you have in this chapter is "telling" rather than"showing"
Excellent dialogue for the most part. Now if you could just start "showing" what is going on , you will be all set, my friend.
Suggestions: ""You going to the privy Granny," Andy Jackson Carter asked. (missing a question mark here)
And: You need a space after this (2 people talking) ""Dan'l I'll tan your hide with a switch if you try to grab all them cookies for yourself again."
And: You should alleviate some ot the "hads" in this , especially in passages like this one, Earl: "Zack had walked with a limp ever since losing two toes at Valley Forge. He had mustered out after serving until 1780. He had moved his family west of the Allegheny's the following year. With the help of his three sons he had carved out a 200 acre farm north of Pittsburgh.
Bless you, Bob
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Thanks Bob. I didn't realize I used so many hads in those two sentences. I went through and fixed the other errors ypo pointed out. I appreciate you following the story and your reviews.
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Good job, Earl. Bob
