You Have the Right...
Writing group challenge6 total reviews
Comment from WryWriter
LOL! Body language do speak louder than words. I like this sassy cop of yours. She needs to be in a novel. You did an excellent job of luring the reader one way, then hitting them with a surprise twist. Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2019
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LOL! Body language do speak louder than words. I like this sassy cop of yours. She needs to be in a novel. You did an excellent job of luring the reader one way, then hitting them with a surprise twist. Enjoyed!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2019
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Thank you! It was a fun write.
Comment from His Grayness
Rapid and firm capture immediately with no release at all, so 'GRIP' wins the game again with all the stars I have to give, along with my sincere thanks for a really uncommon and very clever read indeed! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Rapid and firm capture immediately with no release at all, so 'GRIP' wins the game again with all the stars I have to give, along with my sincere thanks for a really uncommon and very clever read indeed! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 09-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thank you, again! You've been really kind.
Comment from Debbie Pope
Wow! You did a great job with that prompt. I would not be surprised is you don't win the competition. I love the setting that you chose, and your dialogue is easy and interesting. I like the twist at the end. I certainly was not expecting the girl to be a cop.
This needs a sequel. Good job.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Wow! You did a great job with that prompt. I would not be surprised is you don't win the competition. I love the setting that you chose, and your dialogue is easy and interesting. I like the twist at the end. I certainly was not expecting the girl to be a cop.
This needs a sequel. Good job.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thanks for the kind review, Debbie. It was a fun one to write.
Comment from Sally Law
This is great stuff Chris. I enjoyed this very much. I have something close to this entered in the 100 word flash fiction called, "The Predator." It is based on my true life story.
One small critique:( I do this and so there is not judgment or condescending attitude conveyed in this so please take it in the spirit in which it is intended as it will make you a better writer.)
The sentence--James put down her napkins with a flourish and put her drink in front of her. Instead, use a different word for put. For instance, James put the napkin down with a flourish and placed the drink in front of her. See how much better that sounds? I make myself choose different words that are just as descriptive to get my message across. I have a tendency to reach for my favorites when writing. One of my bad habits.
A great read! Love your writing...keep it up!
Sal :+)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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This is great stuff Chris. I enjoyed this very much. I have something close to this entered in the 100 word flash fiction called, "The Predator." It is based on my true life story.
One small critique:( I do this and so there is not judgment or condescending attitude conveyed in this so please take it in the spirit in which it is intended as it will make you a better writer.)
The sentence--James put down her napkins with a flourish and put her drink in front of her. Instead, use a different word for put. For instance, James put the napkin down with a flourish and placed the drink in front of her. See how much better that sounds? I make myself choose different words that are just as descriptive to get my message across. I have a tendency to reach for my favorites when writing. One of my bad habits.
A great read! Love your writing...keep it up!
Sal :+)
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thank you, Sally! It's a valid criticism and I appreciate it. None of us would ever get better if we didn't have help improving our work. I'll definitely make the change. Thanks for your help and the good advice. Have a great day!
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You are welcome Chris!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
He he he, I love it Chris, you had me glued right up until the last line! She got her man good and proper! You can trust a woman to have intuition! In the UK you have to have more than that to arrest someone! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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He he he, I love it Chris, you had me glued right up until the last line! She got her man good and proper! You can trust a woman to have intuition! In the UK you have to have more than that to arrest someone! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the nice review, Dolly! You're probably right about the amount of evidence. I doubt you could arrest someone in the US on such flimsy evidence. Good thing I'm not your local law enforcer :-)
Comment from RodG
This is a well-done short mystery. Your forte is setting the scene and PUTTING US THERE in that quiet neighborhood bar. You also do a superb job of introducing Kelly the detective through her relationship with James the bar-tender. Of course, we at first think she's a hooker when she walks boldly to Emmet's table and introduces herself. The dialog (actually monolog) is realistic. I hope Kelly is or will be a recurring character in your postings. I really liked this. Rod
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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This is a well-done short mystery. Your forte is setting the scene and PUTTING US THERE in that quiet neighborhood bar. You also do a superb job of introducing Kelly the detective through her relationship with James the bar-tender. Of course, we at first think she's a hooker when she walks boldly to Emmet's table and introduces herself. The dialog (actually monolog) is realistic. I hope Kelly is or will be a recurring character in your postings. I really liked this. Rod
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thank you, again, Rod.
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My pleasure, Chris.
