Dead On Arrival
When your worst nightmare becomes a reality13 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there,
Thank you for sharing your Dribble Flash Fiction. You have the wonderful 'twist' at the end - here we are thinking the heroine of the story is witnessing the death of a loved one - but instead, it is her car's battery.
Of course, that can be a travesty - new batteries aren't cheap,
Good luck to you in the contest,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Hi there,
Thank you for sharing your Dribble Flash Fiction. You have the wonderful 'twist' at the end - here we are thinking the heroine of the story is witnessing the death of a loved one - but instead, it is her car's battery.
Of course, that can be a travesty - new batteries aren't cheap,
Good luck to you in the contest,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 10-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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Lol ~ I can't argue with that!!
Thank you for the review and the five stars. Very much appreciated.
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
Okay. You got me. You got me good. This was cleverly written. "I weep as lights strobe and rust-colored fluid pulses onto the pavement." is brilliant. Great job.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Okay. You got me. You got me good. This was cleverly written. "I weep as lights strobe and rust-colored fluid pulses onto the pavement." is brilliant. Great job.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Rhonda. And thanks for not being mad at being bamboozled a bit! I appreciate the five stars very much. xo
Comment from Colleen Pinner
Well Done! I admit I had to read it a second time, to block my initial anticipation of the story. Thanks for keeping me on my toes. This will remind me not to make too quick a judgement on what I am about to read. Of course the photo helped steer me wrong too.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Well Done! I admit I had to read it a second time, to block my initial anticipation of the story. Thanks for keeping me on my toes. This will remind me not to make too quick a judgement on what I am about to read. Of course the photo helped steer me wrong too.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Yes, I was so bad with my bait and switch! But at least you didn't hold a grudge. Thank you for the high rating and the fun review, Colleen. Very much appreciated!
Comment from Mastery
Outstanding writing, Rachelle. I liked how you caught me off guard with it being a battery and not a person. very well done. I do suggest you do some spacing and paragraphing on the piece, burt other than that....Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Outstanding writing, Rachelle. I liked how you caught me off guard with it being a battery and not a person. very well done. I do suggest you do some spacing and paragraphing on the piece, burt other than that....Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Okay, great! Thank you for that suggestion. I always appreciate feedback, especially from writers (like you) whose work I respect and enjoy.
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:) Bob
Comment from TheStoryMan
Okay you got me...I thought it was a person but no it's a car battery. This is a really good contest entry. You capture the reader's attention from the first sentence. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Okay you got me...I thought it was a person but no it's a car battery. This is a really good contest entry. You capture the reader's attention from the first sentence. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thanks, StoryMan. I'm glad you're not disgruntled with that bait-and-switch! I appreciate the high mark, too.
Comment from Dawn Munro
LOL - OH! You certainly got me with this one. No way was I expecting this ending, and a truly funny one it was. I am heading to bed. It's almost 3:30 a.m. where I am, but you have sent me with a huge smile. Thanks, and I hope your fun story is a winner, should you submit it somewhere. It sure is a winner with me!
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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LOL - OH! You certainly got me with this one. No way was I expecting this ending, and a truly funny one it was. I am heading to bed. It's almost 3:30 a.m. where I am, but you have sent me with a huge smile. Thanks, and I hope your fun story is a winner, should you submit it somewhere. It sure is a winner with me!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Dawn! (Your name almost matches your bedtime!!) I appreciate your feedback and also your give stars as well as your well-wishes for the contest.
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LOL. You're very welcome.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think you did a great job with this one. There's a nice leading aspect in the earlier sentences and then the last line undercuts it all, but there are hints earlier. This is a tough skill to get right but this works very well.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Hi there,
I think you did a great job with this one. There's a nice leading aspect in the earlier sentences and then the last line undercuts it all, but there are hints earlier. This is a tough skill to get right but this works very well.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 08-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Giraffmang. I always appreciate your feedback because it's so specific and lends itself to my knowing what 'works' or doesn't. Thanks, too for the high marks!
Comment from sandragee
I am a victim of misdirection. I was tricked from the first line of this story, and I didn't realize my mistake until the last line. The ending was a real surprise. I read the story twice, and each time it got funnier. This is a clever piece. I enjoyed reading your dribble. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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I am a victim of misdirection. I was tricked from the first line of this story, and I didn't realize my mistake until the last line. The ending was a real surprise. I read the story twice, and each time it got funnier. This is a clever piece. I enjoyed reading your dribble. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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LOL! Isn't it kind of funny that the words, "I enjoyed reading your dribble" are a compliment?! Or that the person on whom they were bestowed would reply, "THANK YOU!! I'm so glad you enjoyed my Dribble!!" And yet, Sandragee, here we are demonstrating exactly that!!
Thank you for this very cute review and the five stars that accompanied it!! Very much appreciated.
Comment from LynSys
Funny, Rachelle. Nice quirk at the end.
And so many of us have been there...maybe more than once ;o(
Good luck in the contest (although I thought it was over?)
Lynda
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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Funny, Rachelle. Nice quirk at the end.
And so many of us have been there...maybe more than once ;o(
Good luck in the contest (although I thought it was over?)
Lynda
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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No, this is a NEW Dribble contest. It doesn't end until May 3rd.
Thank you for your nice review and extremely nice rating! I do appreciate it very much.
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Oh...well then, Good Luck ;o)))
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Thank you!!
Comment from pome lover
Am chuckling! Good for you - surprise!
Have to say I wondered about the rust colored substance, but you kept me wondering until the end. Very good - a sixer for sure.
Perfect title and picture. You sure fooled me.
good job
Katharine - pome lover
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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Am chuckling! Good for you - surprise!
Have to say I wondered about the rust colored substance, but you kept me wondering until the end. Very good - a sixer for sure.
Perfect title and picture. You sure fooled me.
good job
Katharine - pome lover
Comment Written 07-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2019
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Thank you, Katherine, for your kind words and your generous scoring!! I love dribble fiction!
