The After-Life
Sam goes to Heaven6 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Raul. And may we all be as lucky as Sam to arrive in heaven to be with those we love. Glad to hear animals are up there, too. Good luck in the contest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Hi Raul. And may we all be as lucky as Sam to arrive in heaven to be with those we love. Glad to hear animals are up there, too. Good luck in the contest. Marilyn
Comment Written 11-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019
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Thank you very much! I am happy that you enjoyed my story!
Comment from Bill Schott
This flash fiction story, The After Life, truly is a simple tale of Sam making it to heaven and reconnecting with Mom and Dad. Perfect.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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This flash fiction story, The After Life, truly is a simple tale of Sam making it to heaven and reconnecting with Mom and Dad. Perfect.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much!
Comment from 24chas
I think you've got a good start here, but there are several things you need to look at. "My luck guess is that this is Heaven already," (lucky) all mighty God (almighty). And I'm not sure about the last sentence. It doesn't read clearly. Good luck.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I think you've got a good start here, but there are several things you need to look at. "My luck guess is that this is Heaven already," (lucky) all mighty God (almighty). And I'm not sure about the last sentence. It doesn't read clearly. Good luck.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from giraffmang
Interesting take on the afterlife.
"Am I in Heaven, God?" He asked - he - following speech tags should be lower case unless a proper noun or name. Also, you need end punctuation here.
Nearly all of your sentences are missing end punctuation.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Interesting take on the afterlife.
"Am I in Heaven, God?" He asked - he - following speech tags should be lower case unless a proper noun or name. Also, you need end punctuation here.
Nearly all of your sentences are missing end punctuation.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Cole King
Nice story. There are some things that could use improvement, though. A few of the sentences could be combined. There is a lot of unnecessary repetition in the consecutive sentences that say "he (Sam) did this". The first sentence is very heavy-handed in that it directly tells us that Sam is dead instead of showing us. The last two sentences were also pretty heavy-handed. My biggest advice for revision would be to show more through dialogue and vivid descriptions than simply stating facts through direct narration.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Nice story. There are some things that could use improvement, though. A few of the sentences could be combined. There is a lot of unnecessary repetition in the consecutive sentences that say "he (Sam) did this". The first sentence is very heavy-handed in that it directly tells us that Sam is dead instead of showing us. The last two sentences were also pretty heavy-handed. My biggest advice for revision would be to show more through dialogue and vivid descriptions than simply stating facts through direct narration.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thanks for the advice.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A sweet thought for an afterlife which I don't actually believe in myself, but one can dream and your write seems innocent and well meaning, best wishes, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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A sweet thought for an afterlife which I don't actually believe in myself, but one can dream and your write seems innocent and well meaning, best wishes, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
