The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Fallen Angel"A Novel
40 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I'm so sorry I'm late reviewing, I don't know how I missed this in my messages. I've been so busy at home, I've now got over a hundred messages! I'm also sorry I haven't a six left. I will make sure you get one next time. You describe things beautifully, I could hear the music, feel the warmth from the fire. and see the owl's face, the imagery is just so rich, it was a delight to read. I liked that story of the smugglers! LOL, and you saw the same thing. :)) (as in, you, in the story!") Now, what does Kayla want, and why does she look so worried? Hmm. Excellent hook at the end, my friend. I can't wait to find out! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I'm so sorry I'm late reviewing, I don't know how I missed this in my messages. I've been so busy at home, I've now got over a hundred messages! I'm also sorry I haven't a six left. I will make sure you get one next time. You describe things beautifully, I could hear the music, feel the warmth from the fire. and see the owl's face, the imagery is just so rich, it was a delight to read. I liked that story of the smugglers! LOL, and you saw the same thing. :)) (as in, you, in the story!") Now, what does Kayla want, and why does she look so worried? Hmm. Excellent hook at the end, my friend. I can't wait to find out! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Only a hundred messages! I have two hundred and forty six at the latest count, and I know that I shan't get through more than a tenth of them! I'm delighted that you enjoyed the ambience of this chapter. It's a bit of a diversion from the main plot but may foreshadow things to come. It's useful being able to separate the main character but still keep him in touch via modern telecommunications! Many thanks for your review and kind words. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from giraffmang
expressed more than quarter of a millennium - than a quarter?
Great descriptions of the cottage, sitting room and fireplace. Roots the place.
Although no longer young enough to conquer the world, I could at least try to save a hedgehog.- sign of very good writing here, reminding the reader of events in the previous chapter. Subtle and very effective.
Nice teaser at the very end.
G
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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expressed more than quarter of a millennium - than a quarter?
Great descriptions of the cottage, sitting room and fireplace. Roots the place.
Although no longer young enough to conquer the world, I could at least try to save a hedgehog.- sign of very good writing here, reminding the reader of events in the previous chapter. Subtle and very effective.
Nice teaser at the very end.
G
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thanks, G. I appreciate your comments and thanks for the sixth star. I've just been reading 'It's Time' - sounds like a good story. I hope to have time for some reviewing later today. All the best, Tony
Comment from LIJ Red
Was that Memory lane, the getting lost in the cottage and pub---well told and thoroughly enjoyable. Excellent post. I say, Fanstory, what do you need with 150 characters?
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Was that Memory lane, the getting lost in the cottage and pub---well told and thoroughly enjoyable. Excellent post. I say, Fanstory, what do you need with 150 characters?
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Yes, an amalgam of trips down memory lane. As Jim pointed out in his review, pork pies, scotch eggs and veal & ham pie are as anachronistic as a pint of mild and a publican who serves his regulars with an occasional free drink! Those were the days, as seen through my rose coloured specs. I may have to make a couple of amendments in view of all my references to iPads and iPhones!
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, tfawcus,
Read through this chapter, not familiar with the characters and plot, but found the flow, voice and descriptions very stable and engaging. I enjoyed the use of dialogue to push the Moonrakers story, had a pub feel about it. Entertaining.
Here are some of my thoughts along the way:
Chapter 40
King of England cannot enter."
(an engaging quote that does a nice job of setting the tone of the power about a man's own home)
be travelling the few miles from Highgrove House this evening to pay me a visit.
(segways nicely into the description of the home. I enjoyed the pace/ voice of the story, has a fireside feel about it, cozy. Charming.)
Fire is a primeval element that lies deep in the hearts of men.
(nice balance of down to earth phrasings and poetic phrasings)
master is home.
(Also like how you tie the theme through from one paragraph to the next, starting at the quote and laying each)
The moonlight tempted me to take (a)? short stroll to clear my head before I turned in. (Not sure... missing word here?)
The harsh cry sent a shiver down my spine.
(from window to walking, this is easy to follow)
He picked up his empty glass and put it down again wistfully.
(Nice action tags, allows for enough visualization to be pleasing)
I interrupted, looking from Gabriel to John. "Would you believe it? I saw just such a cheese in the millpond on my way here this evening!"
(Suggestion for your consideration: This didn't feel like a natural interruption. Maybe an a described motion to interrupt? Or put a few words first? "Would you believe it?" I interrupted... "I just ... Or If you wanted the tag to make a clean break from the dialogue story... something that would be interrupting? Like I slapped the table, looking...?)
Other than that, I didn't pause, found the pace and flow consistent and pleasing.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Hi, tfawcus,
Read through this chapter, not familiar with the characters and plot, but found the flow, voice and descriptions very stable and engaging. I enjoyed the use of dialogue to push the Moonrakers story, had a pub feel about it. Entertaining.
Here are some of my thoughts along the way:
Chapter 40
King of England cannot enter."
(an engaging quote that does a nice job of setting the tone of the power about a man's own home)
be travelling the few miles from Highgrove House this evening to pay me a visit.
(segways nicely into the description of the home. I enjoyed the pace/ voice of the story, has a fireside feel about it, cozy. Charming.)
Fire is a primeval element that lies deep in the hearts of men.
(nice balance of down to earth phrasings and poetic phrasings)
master is home.
(Also like how you tie the theme through from one paragraph to the next, starting at the quote and laying each)
The moonlight tempted me to take (a)? short stroll to clear my head before I turned in. (Not sure... missing word here?)
The harsh cry sent a shiver down my spine.
(from window to walking, this is easy to follow)
He picked up his empty glass and put it down again wistfully.
(Nice action tags, allows for enough visualization to be pleasing)
I interrupted, looking from Gabriel to John. "Would you believe it? I saw just such a cheese in the millpond on my way here this evening!"
(Suggestion for your consideration: This didn't feel like a natural interruption. Maybe an a described motion to interrupt? Or put a few words first? "Would you believe it?" I interrupted... "I just ... Or If you wanted the tag to make a clean break from the dialogue story... something that would be interrupting? Like I slapped the table, looking...?)
Other than that, I didn't pause, found the pace and flow consistent and pleasing.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Turtle. I appreciate your dropping by to review this and thank you for leaving such supportive comments. Thank you, too, for your spag catch and suggestion for revised word order. I like it and have made the amendment. Best wishes, Tony
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Glad I could be of some use. : ) It's been awhile since I perused the front page, and I get a little nervous.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
.> Kayla? What is Kayla doing calling and where the heck was she calling from? All of a sudden a call of nowhere worries Charles quite a bit and what an ending!
> I really enjoy this line you detailed the ambience around his cottage and I really like the bar scene at The Angel.
>After a few drinks I was wondering if Charles could walk at all?
> The Druid woods addS an eeriness to The story.
> I got me going, Tony, and I'm going to have to read the next installment for sure.
Take care and have a good one
Alx
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Cheers, Tony;
.> Kayla? What is Kayla doing calling and where the heck was she calling from? All of a sudden a call of nowhere worries Charles quite a bit and what an ending!
> I really enjoy this line you detailed the ambience around his cottage and I really like the bar scene at The Angel.
>After a few drinks I was wondering if Charles could walk at all?
> The Druid woods addS an eeriness to The story.
> I got me going, Tony, and I'm going to have to read the next installment for sure.
Take care and have a good one
Alx
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Another six stars! You are being exceedingly generous and I greatly appreciate the affirmation! Glad you enjoyed this chapter and the ambience created.
All the best, Tony
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You're very welcome, Tony, I like how you handled the lull in Charles's life as he took to the country. But still being bothered by the immediate past and especially Helen! Why I particularly liked the chapter, as it was a interim in Charles's life.
Alx
Comment from Ulla
Ahh, Tony, so you leave us on a cliff hanger. Here I was getting into a mellow mood with all the local lore and now we are back to reality. Great writing.
Only a few things:
The moonlight tempted me to take short stroll to clear my head before I turned in. = ... tempted me to take a short stroll ...
He turned to mine host,: Do you mean to write 'mine'?
"Did you indeed?" Gbriel looked sceptical. =Gabriel looked sceptical.
Looking forward to what's next. Ulla;))
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Ahh, Tony, so you leave us on a cliff hanger. Here I was getting into a mellow mood with all the local lore and now we are back to reality. Great writing.
Only a few things:
The moonlight tempted me to take short stroll to clear my head before I turned in. = ... tempted me to take a short stroll ...
He turned to mine host,: Do you mean to write 'mine'?
"Did you indeed?" Gbriel looked sceptical. =Gabriel looked sceptical.
Looking forward to what's next. Ulla;))
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Many thanks for your review, Ulla, and picking up those two typos. No matter how many times I check, there always seem to be one or two that slip through the net! I appreciate your sharp eye. Best wishes, Tony
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Oh, I know how it is. Happens to me all the time as you well know.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter meeting with Gabriel seems to be a great distraction and a source of new information. A last drink often is the one that makes us a little too tipsy because we drink it maybe too quick.
TYPO
"Did you indeed?" Gbriel [Gabriel] looked sceptical.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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A very well-written chapter meeting with Gabriel seems to be a great distraction and a source of new information. A last drink often is the one that makes us a little too tipsy because we drink it maybe too quick.
TYPO
"Did you indeed?" Gbriel [Gabriel] looked sceptical.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Many thanks for your review, Sandra, and for picking up the typo. All the best, Tony
Comment from Mastery
Hello, Tony. I enjoyed this chapter a lot.
Your imagery holds up as always and is some of the best I have read on this site: LIke: "As I neared the old mill a few hundred yards upstream, long stalks of foxglove reached out at me like wraiths from the shadows. A final blood-curdling screech from the barn owl cut through the silent valley. The harsh cry sent a shiver down my spine."
And here: " Its mirrored surface held the image of the moon; a perfect round. It looked, for all the world, like a wheel of yellow cheese."
Suggestions: Perhaps change this as they both mean the same thing basically: " Then suddenly, without warning," Suddenly should not be used anymore than possible per the books I have read. so just, "without warning" would suffice here I think.
Also: "My heart stood still." is a time-worn cliche...perhaps use something else if you can.
And: Correct this: " He turned to mine host, who. . . .."
Good job, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Hello, Tony. I enjoyed this chapter a lot.
Your imagery holds up as always and is some of the best I have read on this site: LIke: "As I neared the old mill a few hundred yards upstream, long stalks of foxglove reached out at me like wraiths from the shadows. A final blood-curdling screech from the barn owl cut through the silent valley. The harsh cry sent a shiver down my spine."
And here: " Its mirrored surface held the image of the moon; a perfect round. It looked, for all the world, like a wheel of yellow cheese."
Suggestions: Perhaps change this as they both mean the same thing basically: " Then suddenly, without warning," Suddenly should not be used anymore than possible per the books I have read. so just, "without warning" would suffice here I think.
Also: "My heart stood still." is a time-worn cliche...perhaps use something else if you can.
And: Correct this: " He turned to mine host, who. . . .."
Good job, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thanks, Bob.
Some useful suggestions, as always. I've changed "My heart stood still". That part now reads "At that moment, I felt the fear of death. My heartbeat faltered. Seconds later, a shadow slipped by my window..."
'Mine host' is a fairly common synonym for the landlord of an English pub, but probably unknown in the US of A.
Thanks for your review and continued support.
All the best, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
I have to comment on the font - it made the insects have 'indecent' wings. At least that's how I read it at first. My bad not yours, but an interesting piece of imagery nonetheless.
So to the story proper. This is one of those quiet breaks that the skillful author can insert into his or her story to relieve the stress that is building up. There is some lovely descriptive writing befoe Charles leaves for the pb, that reminded me why I choose to live in a similar environment, even if I havent seen the owls I hear them most nights.
The countrry pub scene was well described too and indicative of why they are a dying breed in this country. No one walks and you can't drink and drive. Veal and ham pie is no longer on the menu of today's gastro pubs I'm afraid and god knows when I last clapped eyes on on a scotch egg.
What' s a pint of mild? No don't ask that question.
The final paragraph returns us to the main plot with a cliff hanger. This was neatly done.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I have to comment on the font - it made the insects have 'indecent' wings. At least that's how I read it at first. My bad not yours, but an interesting piece of imagery nonetheless.
So to the story proper. This is one of those quiet breaks that the skillful author can insert into his or her story to relieve the stress that is building up. There is some lovely descriptive writing befoe Charles leaves for the pb, that reminded me why I choose to live in a similar environment, even if I havent seen the owls I hear them most nights.
The countrry pub scene was well described too and indicative of why they are a dying breed in this country. No one walks and you can't drink and drive. Veal and ham pie is no longer on the menu of today's gastro pubs I'm afraid and god knows when I last clapped eyes on on a scotch egg.
What' s a pint of mild? No don't ask that question.
The final paragraph returns us to the main plot with a cliff hanger. This was neatly done.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I appreciate the sixth star, Jim. I'm afraid I was reminiscing about days gone by, and wearing heavily tinted rose-coloured specs to boot, as old men are sometimes wont to do. In view of the iPad and iPhone references, I may have to correct a few anachronisms! There were a few good pubs in Wiltshire in the 1970s. The Fallen Angel is a fiction, of course, but based on my faulty memories of a few of them. I'm not sure that 'mild' existed even in those days. I remember it from clandestine visits to a pub near the Elstree Film Studios that I visited once or twice when at school. I think it was 11d a pint when bitter was one and tuppence. A great saving! It tasted awful though. Some of the old dears from the village used to drink 'brown and mild'.
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After a year abroad some time in the sixties, a friend and I went into the Clarence in the Cathedral Close in Exeter and ordered a pint each. When they wanted to charge us 2/6 each we walked out! I have often felt like going back and claiming it, now it will be over £3.00.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Tony, this is such an interesting and gorgeous chapter - I've told you that I don't read the stories on FS because it takes up so much time. But this chapter grasped me from the start. It even stands alone as a great story, packed with interesting stuff. Incidentally where is the pub? I live in Wiltshire - great publican dishing out veal and ham pie and free whiskey macs? You missed an 'a' out of Gabriel in that part of the chapter! Edith Piaf - yes, so lovely! If you want to hear a gorgeous love song, sung by an even more gorgeous man, try and find on Youtube, Jonas Kaufmann singing 'The Song is Over - 'Don't Ask Me Why'. Love songs have to be sad LOL. Dorothy
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Hi Tony, this is such an interesting and gorgeous chapter - I've told you that I don't read the stories on FS because it takes up so much time. But this chapter grasped me from the start. It even stands alone as a great story, packed with interesting stuff. Incidentally where is the pub? I live in Wiltshire - great publican dishing out veal and ham pie and free whiskey macs? You missed an 'a' out of Gabriel in that part of the chapter! Edith Piaf - yes, so lovely! If you want to hear a gorgeous love song, sung by an even more gorgeous man, try and find on Youtube, Jonas Kaufmann singing 'The Song is Over - 'Don't Ask Me Why'. Love songs have to be sad LOL. Dorothy
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Many thanks for dropping by to read and review, Dorothy. I appreciate the positive reinforcement of your comments and the six-star award. Most generous.
The pub is an amalgam of several that I used to frequent from time to time when I was based at RAF Lyneham. We had a small C18th mill cottage in Long Dean, between Castle Combe and Yatton Keynell, and lived there for several years in the 1970s. Nothing quite as grand as the one I describe in the story. It lay on the intersection of three bridle tracks, a hamlet with four cottages and two mills on the Bybrook. A couple of miles walk with Marcus, our Springer Spaniel to reach a decent pub in any direction!
As Jim pointed out in his review, times have changed. Veal and ham pie, scotch eggs and pork pies are not on the menu of today's gastro pubs! Mild ale is a thing of the past, and you'd be lucky to find a publican standing his regular customers a drink from time to time! There was one, though, close to the M4 - I think is was called The Plough. Tenanted by an ex-RAF type and festooned with model aircraft hanging from the ceiling. He'd stay open till the wee small hours if there were a few of us from the squadron there, swapping yarns and buying his round along with the rest of us. I believe he got kicked out by the brewery eventually and died of alcoholic poisoning. I suspect the pub's gone, too.
I had a look on YouTube for Jonas Kaufmann singing 'The Song is Over - 'Don't Ask Me Why'. You're right - a lovely song and he has a fine tenor voice.
All the best, Tony.
