Renaissance of Enchantment
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Chapter Two, Part 1"It was their world long before our existence...
20 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
This is all very fascinating :) I enjoyed the characters, and wonder about the deceased woman that nobody seems to like. Can't wait to read more as this story unfolds.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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This is all very fascinating :) I enjoyed the characters, and wonder about the deceased woman that nobody seems to like. Can't wait to read more as this story unfolds.
Joy xx
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Wow -- did you really get that nobody liked her....actually, it's just the opposite.. :) ;) ;) Please stay tuned for the rest of the Chapter and maybe you'll get a different impression....thanx for stopping in! :) Yvette
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Your response to my review makes me not want to read anymore. I'm a slow reader and sometimes don't catch on.
Comment from royowen
I love the diverse members of your cast in this fantasy fiction Yvette. They are a fascinating array of possibilities and eclectic backgrounds I think, the plot is only at "opening gambit" stage, but well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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I love the diverse members of your cast in this fantasy fiction Yvette. They are a fascinating array of possibilities and eclectic backgrounds I think, the plot is only at "opening gambit" stage, but well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you for your wonderful review, Roy and for keeping up with my crazy imagination! ;) ;) Take care over there this week! ;) ;) Yvette
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I think we're all a little out of left field Yvette
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter introducing the second part of the characters of the book and unfortunately at the death bed of someone to get the two parts together somehow.l
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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A very well-written chapter introducing the second part of the characters of the book and unfortunately at the death bed of someone to get the two parts together somehow.l
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much for checking in on the scene here, Sandra -- do so appreciate you support! :) ;)
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Yvette,
This chapter is full of great descriptions and the characters came to life for me. It does seem to be full of intrigue - so you want to make sure you do not create too many story arcs within one book.
Looking forward to reading more,
~MP~
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Hi, Yvette,
This chapter is full of great descriptions and the characters came to life for me. It does seem to be full of intrigue - so you want to make sure you do not create too many story arcs within one book.
Looking forward to reading more,
~MP~
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you for the read and review -- always appreciate your time. :) Yvette
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
You certainly have some interesting characters with varying reaction to Rosemary's death. This was well-written and engaging. Just noticed one typo:
Told them all to got (go) eat dirt
I look forward to reading more of your writing.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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You certainly have some interesting characters with varying reaction to Rosemary's death. This was well-written and engaging. Just noticed one typo:
Told them all to got (go) eat dirt
I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you very much for stopping in today for a read and review, and thanx for that catch. I am so glad that you are enjoying so far. Thank you for your wonderful support! :) ;) Have a great day! Yvette
Comment from robyn corum
Yvette, (4)
Okay... I think I'm still getting it all. *smile* These characters seem interesting and it sounds like there should be some reallllly interesting stuff ahead. *smile* Like, these characters make me think you have some crazy stuff up your sleeve. hahaha
As usual, the writing was clear and concise. The storyline was easy to follow. I could picture the scene easily -- until the very end. When Geoffery came out of the room - I know he ran into Demetrius. Got that. But when all the others came around, and they started talking - that part got a little bit confusing in my mind. But I think it's just because I missed a chapter or two and also because I didn't understand a couple of the things they were saying (as I mention in the notes.) But I'm catching up! Slowly but surely. *smile* I did enjoy the fact that all your characters are so very distinct and different.
Some notes, if I may? (Remember, of course, that we may not agree. I believe my job is to show you what I see. You are free to do whatever you wish with my notes -- wellll, within reason. Just remember that I am being honest and sincere and that I do have a good heart. So, NO. You can NOT ball them back up and make me eat them. No. *smile*)
1.) the dark gentleman made Geoffrey feel..., well, lacking.
--> only one form of punctuation in each setting. here, just the ellipses.
2.) the following confused me. This Demetrius guy is first being described as dark, but then as fair...? Or am I confused?
--> the dark gentleman made Geoffrey feel
--> onyx eyes emotionless against his fair yet so well-defined facial features.
3.) "Thank you for taking care of the arrangements, my friend."
--> what arrangements? like her funeral? how does this guy know whether any arrangements have been handled or not? they haven't spoken, right?? Geoff just walked out of her room -- what arrangements could have been made? I'm lost on this - was it in the last chap? help!
4.) He ran his long graceful fingers along the side of his always-perfect coif
--> you seem to be sharing this story from Geoff's pov - and if that is so... I'm wondering how many men are really going to notice another man's 'long, graceful fingers' and 'always-perfect coif'...? (and certainly what he says next and not being dead. hahaha!)
--> In a minute, Geoff will mention that Peader is 'A bit hairy for Geoffrey's taste' -
--> so IS Geoffrey gay? If not, I would be a bit more AWARE of how he 'observes' his environment. haha !!
5.) bitches would since Rosemary had basically told them all to (go) eat dirt all those years ago(.)
6.) proper ceremony." Geoffrey sighed - he had no idea if the bitches
--> Geoffrey has sighed twice in this paragraph --BUT--
--> I just realized you have a total of five sighs total in this post:
a.) A heavy sigh wracked his small frame before he pulled himself
b.) Demetrius acknowledged him with a responding sigh and
c.) the Order and see if they will give her a proper ceremony." Geoffrey sighed
d.) eat dirt all those years ago, "If not" - he sighed heavily
e.) all gathered and ready for the funeral" - another sigh within his
7.) pulling her forcefully against him(.) "Faithful Lyca (,)here(,) will cook."
--> this isn't any sort of a speech tag, just actions leading up to dialogue, so a comma won't work. (You can double-check me with someone, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.)
8.) The severe(-)looking brunette (who) wiped her crying eyes
--> remember when you speak of a human to use 'who' instead of 'that'
9.) his emerald eyes dancing with a myriad of emotions(.) "Eetz
--> again, this is not a speech tag situation, just actions leading to dialogue, so a comma isn't appropriate.
--> I'll share one of my favorite 'cheat-sheet' website with you jic you ever need a quick-fix for dialogue punctuation: (I actually have this one 'bookmarked' in my 'Favorites Bar' in my browser.)
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
10.) Kato whispered as he stood a step or two from the group; his arms were crossed defiantly over his broad chest.
--> suggest:
a.) Kato whispered as he stood a step or two from the group(, arms crossed defiantly over his broad chest.) --OR--
b.) Kato whispered as he stood a step or two from the group. His arms were crossed defiantly over his broad chest.
11.) milk chocolate-skinned Kato whispered as he stood
--> this may be a personal thing, but it kinda seems like your 'whispered' is pretty far away from the words that are being whispered... something to consider?
or not. *smile*
Well - believe it or not. That's all. I sure hope you won't be offended. I am really only trying to be helpful and I hope you will see it that way.
Let me know if/when you edit and I will hurry back over as soon as I can and re-rate. Thanks a bunch and have a super week!!
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Yvette, (4)
Okay... I think I'm still getting it all. *smile* These characters seem interesting and it sounds like there should be some reallllly interesting stuff ahead. *smile* Like, these characters make me think you have some crazy stuff up your sleeve. hahaha
As usual, the writing was clear and concise. The storyline was easy to follow. I could picture the scene easily -- until the very end. When Geoffery came out of the room - I know he ran into Demetrius. Got that. But when all the others came around, and they started talking - that part got a little bit confusing in my mind. But I think it's just because I missed a chapter or two and also because I didn't understand a couple of the things they were saying (as I mention in the notes.) But I'm catching up! Slowly but surely. *smile* I did enjoy the fact that all your characters are so very distinct and different.
Some notes, if I may? (Remember, of course, that we may not agree. I believe my job is to show you what I see. You are free to do whatever you wish with my notes -- wellll, within reason. Just remember that I am being honest and sincere and that I do have a good heart. So, NO. You can NOT ball them back up and make me eat them. No. *smile*)
1.) the dark gentleman made Geoffrey feel..., well, lacking.
--> only one form of punctuation in each setting. here, just the ellipses.
2.) the following confused me. This Demetrius guy is first being described as dark, but then as fair...? Or am I confused?
--> the dark gentleman made Geoffrey feel
--> onyx eyes emotionless against his fair yet so well-defined facial features.
3.) "Thank you for taking care of the arrangements, my friend."
--> what arrangements? like her funeral? how does this guy know whether any arrangements have been handled or not? they haven't spoken, right?? Geoff just walked out of her room -- what arrangements could have been made? I'm lost on this - was it in the last chap? help!
4.) He ran his long graceful fingers along the side of his always-perfect coif
--> you seem to be sharing this story from Geoff's pov - and if that is so... I'm wondering how many men are really going to notice another man's 'long, graceful fingers' and 'always-perfect coif'...? (and certainly what he says next and not being dead. hahaha!)
--> In a minute, Geoff will mention that Peader is 'A bit hairy for Geoffrey's taste' -
--> so IS Geoffrey gay? If not, I would be a bit more AWARE of how he 'observes' his environment. haha !!
5.) bitches would since Rosemary had basically told them all to (go) eat dirt all those years ago(.)
6.) proper ceremony." Geoffrey sighed - he had no idea if the bitches
--> Geoffrey has sighed twice in this paragraph --BUT--
--> I just realized you have a total of five sighs total in this post:
a.) A heavy sigh wracked his small frame before he pulled himself
b.) Demetrius acknowledged him with a responding sigh and
c.) the Order and see if they will give her a proper ceremony." Geoffrey sighed
d.) eat dirt all those years ago, "If not" - he sighed heavily
e.) all gathered and ready for the funeral" - another sigh within his
7.) pulling her forcefully against him(.) "Faithful Lyca (,)here(,) will cook."
--> this isn't any sort of a speech tag, just actions leading up to dialogue, so a comma won't work. (You can double-check me with someone, but I'm pretty sure I'm right.)
8.) The severe(-)looking brunette (who) wiped her crying eyes
--> remember when you speak of a human to use 'who' instead of 'that'
9.) his emerald eyes dancing with a myriad of emotions(.) "Eetz
--> again, this is not a speech tag situation, just actions leading to dialogue, so a comma isn't appropriate.
--> I'll share one of my favorite 'cheat-sheet' website with you jic you ever need a quick-fix for dialogue punctuation: (I actually have this one 'bookmarked' in my 'Favorites Bar' in my browser.)
http://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/
10.) Kato whispered as he stood a step or two from the group; his arms were crossed defiantly over his broad chest.
--> suggest:
a.) Kato whispered as he stood a step or two from the group(, arms crossed defiantly over his broad chest.) --OR--
b.) Kato whispered as he stood a step or two from the group. His arms were crossed defiantly over his broad chest.
11.) milk chocolate-skinned Kato whispered as he stood
--> this may be a personal thing, but it kinda seems like your 'whispered' is pretty far away from the words that are being whispered... something to consider?
or not. *smile*
Well - believe it or not. That's all. I sure hope you won't be offended. I am really only trying to be helpful and I hope you will see it that way.
Let me know if/when you edit and I will hurry back over as soon as I can and re-rate. Thanks a bunch and have a super week!!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you for your review, Robyn -- I put in the grammatical corrections. Thanx for the heads up on those. :) ;)
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thank you
Comment from Miranda Langston
Koko seems like my favourite character thus far. this is turning out to be a very well-written story and i cannot wait until you post the next chapter :)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Koko seems like my favourite character thus far. this is turning out to be a very well-written story and i cannot wait until you post the next chapter :)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you very much for stopping in today for a read and review -- and I am so glad that you are enjoying so far. Thank you for your wonderful support! :) ;) Have a great day! Yvette
Comment from lyenochka
Well, all your characters are fascinating - either very large, or eccentric or wolf-like (Lycaois) but I just think this is just a scene-setting here so I feel like something is going to happen that is unexpected. Thanks for thinking about the length.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Well, all your characters are fascinating - either very large, or eccentric or wolf-like (Lycaois) but I just think this is just a scene-setting here so I feel like something is going to happen that is unexpected. Thanks for thinking about the length.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thanx so much for the understanding of the scene-setting, Helen -- can't have a big 'ah-ha' moment in every post that is as small as these are! :) ;) You are awesome and I so appreciate your support -- have a wonderful day! :) Yvette
Comment from Debbie Pope
I know that everyone is saying that they like this veeeery much, but I will say it anyway. You had all this planned in your mind before you started writing? Amazing. I can't even write a 5-7-5 without changing directions after I start to write.
These are strange, but extremely engaging characters that you have brought into the mix. I am going to have to read this book more than one time to enjoy it properly. There is so much going on.
Great job.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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I know that everyone is saying that they like this veeeery much, but I will say it anyway. You had all this planned in your mind before you started writing? Amazing. I can't even write a 5-7-5 without changing directions after I start to write.
These are strange, but extremely engaging characters that you have brought into the mix. I am going to have to read this book more than one time to enjoy it properly. There is so much going on.
Great job.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Oh, I so appreciate your wonderful interest, Debbie, and the stars are greatly appreciated!! I hope to have the next post ready for this evening...thank you for hanging in. :) Yvette
Comment from aryr
A nice swing to the story Yvette. I like the new characters and how you presented and described them. You did a great job. It will be interesting when the two sides finally tie together. There is a link I am sure. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
|
A nice swing to the story Yvette. I like the new characters and how you presented and described them. You did a great job. It will be interesting when the two sides finally tie together. There is a link I am sure. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thanx for reading, aryr -- I do always appreciate your input! :) ;) Take care and have a great day! :) ;) Yvette
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most welcome, you as well have a great day
