My True Wealth
Yep, I am loaded.39 total reviews
Comment from shaffer40
A heartfelt treatise on values, as learned through life experience and presented in an interesting narrative.
Great opening with strong, terse first statement, "I was born into wealth." I
especially liked the statement about the song's second verse.
If I may, I have some editing suggestions:
Avoid passive voice: "Caviar and gourmet olives were always seen in our vintage
icebox, as well." Suggest: "Our vintage icebox shelves always held caviar and
gourmet olives."
Omit weakening hedge words & phrase: "Even," "very" "also" "in my opinion" and use semicolon.
Suggest: "Our walls were thin. As a young girl I witnessed adult conversations and
arguments too harsh for a little one to bear." or "for my young ears to hear."
"skid" should be past tense: "skidded"
"Our wealth disappeared quickly."--stronger; money & wealth redundant
Avoid passive voice: "A bookkeeping job was eventually secured; my mom earning
about $50 a week." Suggest: "My mom eventually secured a bookkeeping job
earning $50 a week."
Suggest change: "We were nearly destitute when, suddenly, my dad showed up."
As desperate people are known to do desperate things...my mother accepted.
Suggest: As desperate people do desperate things, my mother accepted."
"Suzanne received" Suggest omit "also"
"how it was done wrong" -- would match using "how it was done right."
Suggest, to make stronger: "I am happy to report that I am still learning. I hope to
graduate with honors."
Omit redundant words & make stronger: "You can have it all, yet nothing at all."
Semicolons that should be commas:
"after the divorce was finalized,"
"we moved to Florida, starting a new life in 1964."
The use of ... in many places would probably read better as commas.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019
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A heartfelt treatise on values, as learned through life experience and presented in an interesting narrative.
Great opening with strong, terse first statement, "I was born into wealth." I
especially liked the statement about the song's second verse.
If I may, I have some editing suggestions:
Avoid passive voice: "Caviar and gourmet olives were always seen in our vintage
icebox, as well." Suggest: "Our vintage icebox shelves always held caviar and
gourmet olives."
Omit weakening hedge words & phrase: "Even," "very" "also" "in my opinion" and use semicolon.
Suggest: "Our walls were thin. As a young girl I witnessed adult conversations and
arguments too harsh for a little one to bear." or "for my young ears to hear."
"skid" should be past tense: "skidded"
"Our wealth disappeared quickly."--stronger; money & wealth redundant
Avoid passive voice: "A bookkeeping job was eventually secured; my mom earning
about $50 a week." Suggest: "My mom eventually secured a bookkeeping job
earning $50 a week."
Suggest change: "We were nearly destitute when, suddenly, my dad showed up."
As desperate people are known to do desperate things...my mother accepted.
Suggest: As desperate people do desperate things, my mother accepted."
"Suzanne received" Suggest omit "also"
"how it was done wrong" -- would match using "how it was done right."
Suggest, to make stronger: "I am happy to report that I am still learning. I hope to
graduate with honors."
Omit redundant words & make stronger: "You can have it all, yet nothing at all."
Semicolons that should be commas:
"after the divorce was finalized,"
"we moved to Florida, starting a new life in 1964."
The use of ... in many places would probably read better as commas.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019
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Thank you so much for the exellemt review and helpful critiques. I appreciate the time and thought you gave in this review. How refreshing! Very few would give so much attention to someone else?s work. I already consider you a friend and I am fanning you now. Thank you, again. I really appreciate the critiques because they are necessary to improve my writing.
All my best to you and yours,
Sal :+)
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I just saw that you're a fan and replied. I feel much appreciated and flattered.
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Welcome to FanStory, by the way!
Sal :+)
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Thank you.
Comment from susand3022
Good morning Sally, You're absolurely right, true wealth is yours. You have found the Golden Ticket, as it were. You're lucky. There are a lot of people on the planet that never figure that one out. They figure that if they have a little more money they'll be happy... then some more... then a little more... but they never are. They end up rich and alone and never happy.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019
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Good morning Sally, You're absolurely right, true wealth is yours. You have found the Golden Ticket, as it were. You're lucky. There are a lot of people on the planet that never figure that one out. They figure that if they have a little more money they'll be happy... then some more... then a little more... but they never are. They end up rich and alone and never happy.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and deep insight. I am glad you know this, too. True wealth lives in the matters of the heart. Riches fade and come and go.
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Sal,
Wow! You have really had some dramatic ups and downs through your life, Sal. I suppose those times were a blessing in disguise, as you have come to see what real wealth is:love.
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019
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Hi Sal,
Wow! You have really had some dramatic ups and downs through your life, Sal. I suppose those times were a blessing in disguise, as you have come to see what real wealth is:love.
Thanks for sharing.
Jan
Comment Written 10-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019
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Thank you, dear Jan. I appreciate you stopping by today with your kind and thoughtful review. I trust you are well and blessed with such great wealth.
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment from meeshu
this is a wonderful and prophetic story I somehow missed. heartwarming through all the difficulties. this review should give you All-Time status for this work. 'tis well deserved, Sal........................meeshu
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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this is a wonderful and prophetic story I somehow missed. heartwarming through all the difficulties. this review should give you All-Time status for this work. 'tis well deserved, Sal........................meeshu
Comment Written 09-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2019
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I was just wondering where you were. I have missed you. Thank you for the outstanding review and kind words. I am deeply honored and true wealth has come to me at FanStory, as well.
All my best. I trust you are well.
Sal :+)
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Cyndy took over last week and entered a couple contests. so no fan alert. she had a lot of fun and even got a 2nd.
Comment from Teresa Alford
I am just starting to play catch-up on reviews. You are well-established and critiquing is not even needed. My reviews will be brief and redundant for now as I make my way slowly back into the activities of FS. Best to you! TA ";~)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I am just starting to play catch-up on reviews. You are well-established and critiquing is not even needed. My reviews will be brief and redundant for now as I make my way slowly back into the activities of FS. Best to you! TA ";~)
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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I know you have had surgery and I prayed for you. How are you feeling? It was so kind of you to review me today. Thank you so much. I am so glad to see your review and smiling face.
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment from djeckert
A Truly beautiful testimony to share,Sally. I was blessed to read it. It deserves 10 stars, but Im sorry I only have six to give. lol. So well done, and points so beautifully at True wealth. You ARE SURELY BLESSED.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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A Truly beautiful testimony to share,Sally. I was blessed to read it. It deserves 10 stars, but Im sorry I only have six to give. lol. So well done, and points so beautifully at True wealth. You ARE SURELY BLESSED.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much. I am blessed and know that you are , too. I hope that it pressed the refresh button of your faith. I sense that it did, and my work feels complete. I am humbled and appreciate the six and virtual ten from you, my brother in Christ.
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Sal, what a beautiful story! If anyone could testify to what true wealth really is, you could, having personally had the experience of both worlds ... loss, poverty, family issues versus wealth and plenty. This was such a moving story.
I loved how you expressed Jesus showing you what real love and wealth is. A wonderful message of hope of all that read this story of triumph over a very rough young life.
I love how you talked about your husband, children and grandchildren and about the joys, wonders, appreciation and love just being around each other.
I believe one main thing we are to learn from the Bible is the priority of love and relationships versus money and wealth, starting with a relationship with Him and moving on towards loving others. You expressed this so well in your story.
Also, as a writer, from beginning to end, you make a story flow. It is such easy reading, building up so the reader wants badly to know what is going to happen next. So much 'hope' in your stories.
Sal, you're awesome!
Love,
Gale
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Sal, what a beautiful story! If anyone could testify to what true wealth really is, you could, having personally had the experience of both worlds ... loss, poverty, family issues versus wealth and plenty. This was such a moving story.
I loved how you expressed Jesus showing you what real love and wealth is. A wonderful message of hope of all that read this story of triumph over a very rough young life.
I love how you talked about your husband, children and grandchildren and about the joys, wonders, appreciation and love just being around each other.
I believe one main thing we are to learn from the Bible is the priority of love and relationships versus money and wealth, starting with a relationship with Him and moving on towards loving others. You expressed this so well in your story.
Also, as a writer, from beginning to end, you make a story flow. It is such easy reading, building up so the reader wants badly to know what is going to happen next. So much 'hope' in your stories.
Sal, you're awesome!
Love,
Gale
Comment Written 06-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2019
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Ah...my dear Gale, thank you. Your kind review made me cry. I am overwhelmed by yet another outstanding rave review. So glad you understand me and see with spiritual eyes. You have such depths of spirit, mind and heart. You just missed the bonus goodies I had with this!! I appreciate the time to took to read and review my work. Everyone is so busy these days. Reviews mean even more to me because I know what a sacrifice it is coming from so many...just like you.
Love,
Sal xo
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Your writing inspires all of us in so many different ways!
Your reply to me made me cry :) Thank you, Sal.
Comment from poetwatch
True love is grand it is better than all the treasure of the world. Yet many people prefer money over love. Still, to survive in this world we need that sin of money. I'm glad you had a taste of both worlds. I was born on the poor side of life, the only thing that kept us happy was a spoon-full of love everyday.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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True love is grand it is better than all the treasure of the world. Yet many people prefer money over love. Still, to survive in this world we need that sin of money. I'm glad you had a taste of both worlds. I was born on the poor side of life, the only thing that kept us happy was a spoon-full of love everyday.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Thank you dear poet. I appreciate the outstanding review and encouraging words. You are a wise wise, too. If you have love then you have truly lived and dined on the finest things. It is the food that brings true happiness and joy.
All my best,
Sally ,+)
Comment from Chris Davies
Oh Sally, you have such a wonderful down-to-earth style that rings so true. This story was a joy to read and had such a positive message. I loved the line "I am a wealthy woman... not because my accountant told me so." It really encapsulates your theme. Thank you.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Oh Sally, you have such a wonderful down-to-earth style that rings so true. This story was a joy to read and had such a positive message. I loved the line "I am a wealthy woman... not because my accountant told me so." It really encapsulates your theme. Thank you.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2019
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Chris dear, you are my new fan and friend. I am so glad you liked my latest post. It was forming in my heart as we drove home this past Saturday from Jacksonville. When my daughter-in-law sent me photos of our day together, I knew what I had to do...write! My sweet jewels in this world. Thank you for the superb review and kind compliments. You mean so much to me already. So glad I fanned you.
All my best,
Sal :+)
Comment from Debra White
Hi Sally,
You are so right... you ARE loaded. There is nothing more valuable than family, friends and love. All else is just stuff.
I really enjoyed reading about your early years and the upbringing you had, it sounded very hard at times...
Thank you for sharing your story.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Hi Sally,
You are so right... you ARE loaded. There is nothing more valuable than family, friends and love. All else is just stuff.
I really enjoyed reading about your early years and the upbringing you had, it sounded very hard at times...
Thank you for sharing your story.
Best wishes as always, Debra :)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Aw, thank you my dear. It is so kind of you to review my post. I appreciate it so much. It?s nice to have so many ?amens?out there.
All my best to you and yours,
Sal :+)
