Jock took Jill
I took out the A for this Lipogram17 total reviews
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Very good. Your poem rhymes throughout This is an excellent contest entry and will do well in the voting booth. Good luck. I hope you win, but keep in mind that contests on FanStory are difficult to win.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Very good. Your poem rhymes throughout This is an excellent contest entry and will do well in the voting booth. Good luck. I hope you win, but keep in mind that contests on FanStory are difficult to win.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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With wonderful reviews like this, I have already won, many thanks****kahpot
Comment from meeshu
this poem is a very fanciful adaptation on the original. You have done a fine job with this Lipogram. now I just have to find out what that is. great Kahpot......................meeshu
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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this poem is a very fanciful adaptation on the original. You have done a fine job with this Lipogram. now I just have to find out what that is. great Kahpot......................meeshu
Comment Written 29-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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What a great review/reply with honest humor, I love it, when you find out I look forward to reading your entry???? have a go your sense of humor will give Jock more shame****kahpot
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I just entered the contest, luckily I have time to figure something out. thanks, Kah.
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will hopefully see you behind the finish line
really no joke Ha! Ha!
Comment from lyenochka
Wonderful lipogram! You did a great job and omitted all the 'a' possibilities and I like your humorous poem better than the original rhyme! Best wishes in the contest!
Some suggestions:
"up lovers hill " (lovers')
"in jills poor soul " (jill's)
"by jills report " (jill's)
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Wonderful lipogram! You did a great job and omitted all the 'a' possibilities and I like your humorous poem better than the original rhyme! Best wishes in the contest!
Some suggestions:
"up lovers hill " (lovers')
"in jills poor soul " (jill's)
"by jills report " (jill's)
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you very much, it was fun to write, I have taken and acted on your advice, many thanks****kahpot
Comment from Mark D. R.
very, very funny! I applaud the fact that I read this without an accompanying illustration (well, I am among your fan base)
what I liked especially:
jock
your rhymes are spot on
... poor soul
reversing line
would suggest an apostrophe for jills (sic) you did for jock's
jock is likely 'n 'sshole, but you did not 'cknowledge th't in your verse. LOL
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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very, very funny! I applaud the fact that I read this without an accompanying illustration (well, I am among your fan base)
what I liked especially:
jock
your rhymes are spot on
... poor soul
reversing line
would suggest an apostrophe for jills (sic) you did for jock's
jock is likely 'n 'sshole, but you did not 'cknowledge th't in your verse. LOL
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you very much, I have taken and acted on your advice, many thanks****kahpot
Comment from tfawcus
I liked your Scottish version of Jack and Jill! I'm inclined to give you an 'A' for it, but five stars will have to suffice, I'm afraid. Poor old Jock seems to have had the noblest of intentions: to fill the hole/in jills poor soul.
How sad that he fell short of expectations.
I think you shoud either remove the apostrophe in the last line, or put apostrophes in jill's (twice) and lovers'.
A clever and entertaining poem for the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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I liked your Scottish version of Jack and Jill! I'm inclined to give you an 'A' for it, but five stars will have to suffice, I'm afraid. Poor old Jock seems to have had the noblest of intentions: to fill the hole/in jills poor soul.
How sad that he fell short of expectations.
I think you shoud either remove the apostrophe in the last line, or put apostrophes in jill's (twice) and lovers'.
A clever and entertaining poem for the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you very much, no "A" for this one (very well said) I have taken and acted on your advice, many thanks****kahpot
Comment from Tootie
This is funny! I enjoyed reading it. Simple presentation seems to fit and doesn't take away from what you write. I wish you the best in the contest. Well done!
Blessings, Cathy
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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This is funny! I enjoyed reading it. Simple presentation seems to fit and doesn't take away from what you write. I wish you the best in the contest. Well done!
Blessings, Cathy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you very much, I enjoyed this little adventure****kahpot
Comment from country ranch writer
LOOKS THIS OLE BOY DIDN'T MEASURE UP TO HIS FULL Potential AND FELL SHORT OF Fulfill HER WISHES AND SHE TURNED HIM DOWN FLAT SHE WAS SO DISAPPOINTED IN HIM.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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LOOKS THIS OLE BOY DIDN'T MEASURE UP TO HIS FULL Potential AND FELL SHORT OF Fulfill HER WISHES AND SHE TURNED HIM DOWN FLAT SHE WAS SO DISAPPOINTED IN HIM.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you very much, yes the poor girl was not impressed****kahpot
