Eyes on You
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Unsuspecting Accomplices"Tommy tries to rescue their family.
12 total reviews
Comment from krprice
This is an excellent post though I have a few suggestions.
The houses. . . Glancing. . . dwellings. . .
It was. . . should be is. Stay in present tense.
Its seclusion. . . A coyote howls. . .
Karlene
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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This is an excellent post though I have a few suggestions.
The houses. . . Glancing. . . dwellings. . .
It was. . . should be is. Stay in present tense.
Its seclusion. . . A coyote howls. . .
Karlene
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for catching my mistakes. I have a big problem jumping back and forth between tenses.
Thank you again for your kind review all your help, support and friendship, it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
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Thank you so much for your great review I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for catching my mistakes. I have a big problem jumping back and forth between tenses.
Thank you again for your kind review all your help, support and friendship, it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from TheStoryMan
Whew! At the end of the previous chapter, I thought Kirk was in serious trouble. I'm glad to see he didn't get shot. This is a really good story I can't wait to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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Whew! At the end of the previous chapter, I thought Kirk was in serious trouble. I'm glad to see he didn't get shot. This is a really good story I can't wait to see what happens next.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review, It's heartwarming to know you liked my story enough to want to read more.
Thank you again for your kind review and for your encouragement, it's greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from country ranch writer
Hope tommy gets help befor the dog eats him up so badly.. Those other cooks will go to jail and be out of the running thank goodness. The crooks are forming a pattern so they better be care ful.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Hope tommy gets help befor the dog eats him up so badly.. Those other cooks will go to jail and be out of the running thank goodness. The crooks are forming a pattern so they better be care ful.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Thank you for a great review. A lot is depending on Tommy to get out of this so he better yell loud or pray for a miricle. Thank you again for your great review all your help, support and friendship, take care.
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smiles
Comment from Ulla
Hi Melissa, so Tommy's been attacked by a dog. I have a bad feeling about this. he's going to be caught and the game is up and his wife will lose the battle. I don't like it one bit. He shouldn't be doing what he's doing but I understand his motives. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Hi Melissa, so Tommy's been attacked by a dog. I have a bad feeling about this. he's going to be caught and the game is up and his wife will lose the battle. I don't like it one bit. He shouldn't be doing what he's doing but I understand his motives. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review. I'm glad to see your really pulled into the story. What Tommy is doing is illegal, but his heart is in the right place. Not sure how much that'll matter to the judge.
Thank you again for all your help your support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from royowen
So Tommy's been waylaid by a dog, I guess he'll be rescued, hopefully, Things turn out well for Kirk, When the son turns up and shoots the assailant of Kirk. Later, it looks like the thugs Katy be telling the truth. Things are at an interesting impasse, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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So Tommy's been waylaid by a dog, I guess he'll be rescued, hopefully, Things turn out well for Kirk, When the son turns up and shoots the assailant of Kirk. Later, it looks like the thugs Katy be telling the truth. Things are at an interesting impasse, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your kind review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. If Tommy doesn't figure a way out his plan is sunk, Jen dies and their children will have to go to foster care. So he has a lot depending on him to get away from the mutt. He needs a miracle, fictional angels to save him.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship, it means a lit to me, take care.
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That's True
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Tommy thought he should check out the house. The dog disagreed with him. I wonder what he will do now.
He has screamed for help. That puts him in the area if he ever does break in any of the houses.
Kirk and Jerry thought they had caught the guilty parties but they haven't. Oh they are guilty, but not the ones they are looking for. Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Tommy thought he should check out the house. The dog disagreed with him. I wonder what he will do now.
He has screamed for help. That puts him in the area if he ever does break in any of the houses.
Kirk and Jerry thought they had caught the guilty parties but they haven't. Oh they are guilty, but not the ones they are looking for. Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. You're right screaming could put him in the area, what will be his excuse for being there if someone does save him?
Thank you again for your kind reivew all your help, support and friednship. They mean a lot to me, take care.
Comment from KatyM
Too bad about Tommy and getting caught by the dog. I did find two things: This sentence: She sees Kirk and Jerry dragging two men into the prescient(precinct), each supporting a bandaged leg.
I also noticed in the notes about who people are that you spell Jeremy with 2 e's but in this chapter he is spelled: Jeromy. I am guessing its a typo. Good chapter. Happy Writing. katy
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Too bad about Tommy and getting caught by the dog. I did find two things: This sentence: She sees Kirk and Jerry dragging two men into the prescient(precinct), each supporting a bandaged leg.
I also noticed in the notes about who people are that you spell Jeremy with 2 e's but in this chapter he is spelled: Jeromy. I am guessing its a typo. Good chapter. Happy Writing. katy
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review and your encouraging words. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for catching my two mistakes. Guess I need to work more on my editing.
Thank you again for your great review all your help, support and friendship, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good chapter, but a bit short. That profile could be anyone, but you have to start somewhere, I guess. I wonder what the story is on that rundown house. Guess you'll tell us next time. :)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Good chapter, but a bit short. That profile could be anyone, but you have to start somewhere, I guess. I wonder what the story is on that rundown house. Guess you'll tell us next time. :)
Comment Written 24-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your review I'm glad you enjoyed it. That's just a preliminary profile a general outline, they'll add more as the facts come in, narrow things down a bit. The house, has a heck of a story behind it. It was right at my average, 1450 last time I checked. Maybe I took out more than I thought when I was editing. I'll keep a closer eye on my word count.
Thank you again for your great review, all your help, support and friendship, take care.
Comment from jmdg1954
Unfortunately this is the initial chapter I've read. Non the less, it got a good feel for what's transpired and of the characters.
The story read smoothly and kept my interest.
Nicely done... John
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
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Unfortunately this is the initial chapter I've read. Non the less, it got a good feel for what's transpired and of the characters.
The story read smoothly and kept my interest.
Nicely done... John
Comment Written 23-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your great review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully I'll hear from you again, take care.
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Thank you so much for your great review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully I'll hear from you again, take care.
Comment from apky
Poor Tommy, stopped by the mutt. I keep wondering how he got from the well-padded suitor who sent a limo to fetch Jen for that elaborate dinner, to this hard-up person reduced to try and rob to pay for Jen's medical expenses.
In the end dialogue, I wonder if it is Tommy they going to nab, under a mutt's paws!
Two large, gangster looking, men, are lying crippled on the pawn shop floor. ~ This is an opening sentence of a chapter and should be perfect. As it is, it sounds a bit awkward and the commas not placed correctly. You need to rewrite and punctuate it.
He turns to find the owner's son, Marshal(,) trembling behind him, a rifle in his hand.
"I didn't want to kill him, Kirk(,) I really didn't, but I didn't know what else to do."
see if he can find a places(place) to rob on his own.
"I hate to tell you this, but they aren't our burgulars(burglars).
"Yeah, well you two was(were-unless the person speaking tends to speak ungrammatically) with him when he committed these crimes which leads me (to) believe you were a part of it."
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
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Poor Tommy, stopped by the mutt. I keep wondering how he got from the well-padded suitor who sent a limo to fetch Jen for that elaborate dinner, to this hard-up person reduced to try and rob to pay for Jen's medical expenses.
In the end dialogue, I wonder if it is Tommy they going to nab, under a mutt's paws!
Two large, gangster looking, men, are lying crippled on the pawn shop floor. ~ This is an opening sentence of a chapter and should be perfect. As it is, it sounds a bit awkward and the commas not placed correctly. You need to rewrite and punctuate it.
He turns to find the owner's son, Marshal(,) trembling behind him, a rifle in his hand.
"I didn't want to kill him, Kirk(,) I really didn't, but I didn't know what else to do."
see if he can find a places(place) to rob on his own.
"I hate to tell you this, but they aren't our burgulars(burglars).
"Yeah, well you two was(were-unless the person speaking tends to speak ungrammatically) with him when he committed these crimes which leads me (to) believe you were a part of it."
Comment Written 23-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your review your help and support is always greatly appreciated. Jen's condition is what led him to here, pushed him into a life of crime. Maybe I need a little more back story to show his journey to here. I need to slow down on my edits too.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Thank you for your review your help and support is always greatly appreciated. Jen's condition is what led him to here, pushed him into a life of crime. Maybe I need a little more back story to show his journey to here. I need to slow down on my edits too.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
