Killed Criminal
Life in prison26 total reviews
Comment from Stephanie Launiu
This is a brief good start on a fiction story, and I see that it has been recognized by FanStory. There is a lot of room to add more details into this story, and to put more meat on the bones. What's Heck Temple's life story before prison? What is the story on the serial killings? Why did the trial last for five years? Why did he only get 25 years to life for a series of killings? (Most serial killers get death or multiple life sentences) Also, I don't think male prisoners are targeted for beating/killing women, but I've heard that if a prisoner has committed a crime against a child, then they have the bullseye on them in prison. You've got a good beginning here, and I look forward to reading more from you. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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This is a brief good start on a fiction story, and I see that it has been recognized by FanStory. There is a lot of room to add more details into this story, and to put more meat on the bones. What's Heck Temple's life story before prison? What is the story on the serial killings? Why did the trial last for five years? Why did he only get 25 years to life for a series of killings? (Most serial killers get death or multiple life sentences) Also, I don't think male prisoners are targeted for beating/killing women, but I've heard that if a prisoner has committed a crime against a child, then they have the bullseye on them in prison. You've got a good beginning here, and I look forward to reading more from you. Keep writing!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Ms. Snyder
This is pretty succinct for a fiction story, were you originally going to enter into the dribble flash? It struck me as something that might fit. If it were really like that, there would be tons of murders in prisons/jails daily. There are so many people who hurt/kill women/children that are sometimes locked up for years. Normally the woman beaters are running the yard or even worse, the guards. I wanted to comment to you because I can appreciate how difficult it was to tell so much in such a short amount of words for your story. I admire this. Cheers, Fonda
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
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This is pretty succinct for a fiction story, were you originally going to enter into the dribble flash? It struck me as something that might fit. If it were really like that, there would be tons of murders in prisons/jails daily. There are so many people who hurt/kill women/children that are sometimes locked up for years. Normally the woman beaters are running the yard or even worse, the guards. I wanted to comment to you because I can appreciate how difficult it was to tell so much in such a short amount of words for your story. I admire this. Cheers, Fonda
Comment Written 02-Feb-2019
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2019
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Thank you so much! :)
Comment from Bill Schott
This short short story, Killed Criminal, finds some jailhouse justice for Mr. Temple. His fellow prisoners really stabbed the heck out of him.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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This short short story, Killed Criminal, finds some jailhouse justice for Mr. Temple. His fellow prisoners really stabbed the heck out of him.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Thank you! :)
Comment from Chris Davies
I enjoyed your nteresting take on Heck's last day. Things seemed to be going along pretty smoothly the BAM- stabbed.
I would take a little care to make sure your tenses (past and present) stay consistent, it would help the reader stay in the right frame.
Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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I enjoyed your nteresting take on Heck's last day. Things seemed to be going along pretty smoothly the BAM- stabbed.
I would take a little care to make sure your tenses (past and present) stay consistent, it would help the reader stay in the right frame.
Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Thank you and for the advice too! You're welcome! :)
Comment from Miranda Langston
This was a pretty entertaining flash fiction with what I think to be a very good moral at the ending. but you're right. they HATE pedos and women abusers in prison
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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This was a pretty entertaining flash fiction with what I think to be a very good moral at the ending. but you're right. they HATE pedos and women abusers in prison
Comment Written 31-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Christine C Autry
I hate women beaters s nd killers too. He got what was coming to him. I want to see all of them killed. (Murders.) You did good on this. Keep writing.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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I hate women beaters s nd killers too. He got what was coming to him. I want to see all of them killed. (Murders.) You did good on this. Keep writing.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you! :)
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You are Welcome.
Comment from kiwijenny
I've always heard show don't tell. The reason why is they hate women beaters and killers....instead use dialogue..have someone yell at Heck Temple ...you killed my sister...
Stab...
God bless
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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I've always heard show don't tell. The reason why is they hate women beaters and killers....instead use dialogue..have someone yell at Heck Temple ...you killed my sister...
Stab...
God bless
Comment Written 29-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you! Thanks for the advice!
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You are welcome
Comment from Y. M. Roger
An interesting topic -- you begin with what seems like facts but end with more of an opinion -- it is hard to discern fiction story from fiction news reporting. Your verb tenses drift from present to past to present. Perhaps if you take some time to develop the characters and or back story more so that the reader can be more in tune with the action....most readers cannot relate to the atmosphere of prison life. Thank you for sharing...
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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An interesting topic -- you begin with what seems like facts but end with more of an opinion -- it is hard to discern fiction story from fiction news reporting. Your verb tenses drift from present to past to present. Perhaps if you take some time to develop the characters and or back story more so that the reader can be more in tune with the action....most readers cannot relate to the atmosphere of prison life. Thank you for sharing...
Comment Written 29-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Thank you. Thank you for the advice. I will follow it the next time. I will revise and edit my work next time.
Comment from Douglas Paul
Short but to the point. It is hard to imagined the horror it must be find yourself in prison. I am sure that a lot of brutality exist among the prisoner. I can envision something like this really happening
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Short but to the point. It is hard to imagined the horror it must be find yourself in prison. I am sure that a lot of brutality exist among the prisoner. I can envision something like this really happening
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Thank you! :)
Comment from meeshu
Your writing is smooth and the language is colorful. I enjoyed reading this writing so much. it is too bad more of them don't get what they deserve. Very well done, Raul.................meeshu
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Your writing is smooth and the language is colorful. I enjoyed reading this writing so much. it is too bad more of them don't get what they deserve. Very well done, Raul.................meeshu
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Thank you!
