Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Gorgeous photo of the beautifully fanned peacock and a lovely write for the Coles Rhythm poem June. They really are a gorgeous bird and they deserve to strut their stuff. Nice choice for this topic June,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2019

Appreciate very much your reading and sharing your thoughts.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This poem, The King, presented in this Cole Rhythm formatting, praises the beautiful bird and gives him his due as a protector and chick magnet.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2019

Chick magnet indeed! Thanks for sharing your insights on the peacock.

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

This is an excellent poem--skillfully and colorfully worded, faithful to form,
even informative about mating--and that interesting fact in the last stanza!

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2019

Thank you for taking the time to read and share your insights.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

This is an interesting poetry form, done well, on the beautiful peacock. I like the monorhymed stanzas with repetition of the 5th line. I didn't know that peacocks were hardy enough to kill cobras. Wow! Beautiful and tough, too. Marilyn

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019

Thank you for dropping by to read and review.. I appreciate your insights.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written Cole's rhythm poem about the king of all birds the peacock with his colorful feathers he always impresses everyone when he fans out his beauty.

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thank you for reading and reviewing this Potlatch Challenge. I enjoyed yours as well.

Comment from Graybærd

Excellent

Wonderful format.
I can't help but to want a peacock of my own after reading this.
Your ability to comply with the restraints of the format and still turn out a poem so beautiful is a testament to your ability.

(Would you be able to send me the format so I may have a go at it?)

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thanks for the kind review! Here's the format:

This style was invented by a FS member who has passed. Trieschel graciously allowed the club to use his info and poem in this style as an example.

*****************
Assigned Topic

Birds--your favorite, what you like/don't like/

I would pick ONE bird to write about

*******************

Cole's Rhythm
"Span the Creek" by Treischel

Obstruction absorbs attention span
when into which all ran.
Any raging creek could ruin a plan,
but a little bridge can
span the creek.

A path sometimes needs an engineer
to bridge the hemisphere.
When allowing folks to persevere
problems will disappear.
Span the creek!

Such improvements do upgrade our parks,
thoughtful civic landmarks,
providing pride of nature hallmarks
whenever manmade arcs
span the creek.

Appreciation comes on feet and wheels
from reduced trek ordeals
on pathways to which long hikes appeal
when wood and structured steel
Span the creek.
***************************


SYLLABLE COUNT: 9-6-9-6-3 for EACH verse.
RHYME SCHEME: aaaaR bbbbR ccccR ddddR. The "R" is a 3-syllable refrain and EACH should rhyme or repeat the other in every verse.
Try to make your repeat line of 3 syllables (R) blend in with the line before OR be like a command.

You can have as many verses as you want.

*****************************
FYI (not to be included in author's notes)

1st Verse
a
a
a
a
R

2nd Verse
b
b
b
b
R (refrain from last line of 1st verse)

3rd Verse
c
c
c
c
R (refrain from 1st verse)

4th Verse
d
d
d
d
R (refrain from 1st verse

This is based on the example poem. Remember you can have a many verse as you wish. I believe a minimum of 4 is the best!

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This is a majestic and magical write about this beautiful bird who always delights whenever you see it and I have seen a few in my time. Your words do it justice here June, a delightful read, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thanks, Dolly, for the encouraging review. It was a fun challenge and I do love peacocks and their strutting around!

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

He is the king and acts like a king, the peacock from India, it shows its beauty and power, grace and grip over territory and displays the colour and rhythm in movement; well said, well done. Keep Writing Inspire Changing -- DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

I appreciate your taking time to read and review.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I am glad you were inspired by the Club's prompt and added the spectacular artwork. I admired your rhymes and repeats and was surprised that the peacock can even keep a king cobra at bay. Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thank you for dropping by to read and share your insights.

Comment from damommy

Excellent

June, this is a wonderful answer to the challenge. So well written and also informative. I did not know that peacocks would fight cobras. You have great rhyming throughout.

Jannypan has been having computer problems and has been offline since Wednesday. I know she'll be happy to see you join us.


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019

Thanks for the encouraging review. I appreciate the info on Jan's computer issues. Always nice to hear from you.