I've Arrived
... How do you like me now87 total reviews
Comment from called2rite
Looking at things with eyes of a child, how sweet the innocence of children. No wonder we should become as little children with without looking at things in the cynical life's viewpoint. I like the unspoken implication here. Good writing.
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Looking at things with eyes of a child, how sweet the innocence of children. No wonder we should become as little children with without looking at things in the cynical life's viewpoint. I like the unspoken implication here. Good writing.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2019
Comment from taurist
Stayed with memory/dream. The cadence you created was wonderful. But I got lost at the end. A quick interruption of character I understand, but you sacrificed the rhythm of the words. And I didn't reference why the rapid close. My opinion, please.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2019
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Stayed with memory/dream. The cadence you created was wonderful. But I got lost at the end. A quick interruption of character I understand, but you sacrificed the rhythm of the words. And I didn't reference why the rapid close. My opinion, please.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2019
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Hey... I went in to edit the piece at some point and somehow screwed it up at the bottom... thanks ever so for the heads ups kiddo... yours, diana
Comment from Earl Corp
When life was still new for me I used to pick up bumple bees. My mom kept telling me not to. sure enough one drilled me in the hand and I learned not to do that anymore. I guess the takeaway is while everyone needs to encounter thorns and bee stings in life, but it's best to put it off as long as we can. Very nice job.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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When life was still new for me I used to pick up bumple bees. My mom kept telling me not to. sure enough one drilled me in the hand and I learned not to do that anymore. I guess the takeaway is while everyone needs to encounter thorns and bee stings in life, but it's best to put it off as long as we can. Very nice job.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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So, with that prologue, I?ll start my story ? if you?re still with me.
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I'm not understanding what you're asking?
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
What a sweet poem. I loved the part about being dressed in frills and mom being optimistic she'd stay clean. I wasn't sure about the use of the word wallow though. Loved the curious free-spirited little girl. A well-written poem. Thanks for sharing it.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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What a sweet poem. I loved the part about being dressed in frills and mom being optimistic she'd stay clean. I wasn't sure about the use of the word wallow though. Loved the curious free-spirited little girl. A well-written poem. Thanks for sharing it.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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So, with that prologue, I?ll start my story ? if you?re still with me.
Comment from Joy Graham
Hello Mystery Poet,
That is an adorable picture to shine above your contest entry poem :) The picture alone brings memories to mind of my own, "When Life Was Still Fun" moments. I wish you the best in this contest.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Hello Mystery Poet,
That is an adorable picture to shine above your contest entry poem :) The picture alone brings memories to mind of my own, "When Life Was Still Fun" moments. I wish you the best in this contest.
Joy xx
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Thanks so much thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours
Comment from RichardFann
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Liked the optimistic Mom versus the Tomboy.
What a revelation to read about being young,
and giggling with joy.
Brings back my happy days.
The scene is well-described, and takes us into it straightaway.
Liked the picture and harmonised colours, and the choice of script.
Important details, that inspire me with new ideas.
Well done,
Richard.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Liked the optimistic Mom versus the Tomboy.
What a revelation to read about being young,
and giggling with joy.
Brings back my happy days.
The scene is well-described, and takes us into it straightaway.
Liked the picture and harmonised colours, and the choice of script.
Important details, that inspire me with new ideas.
Well done,
Richard.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Hello Richard I did look up... ashley de la souch... I'm a little bit smarter now... thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from Heather Knight
This is such a beautiful description of the delights of childhood. I particularly like the last line: it´s a bit sad, but also kind of prophetic.
Lovely presentation as well.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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This is such a beautiful description of the delights of childhood. I particularly like the last line: it´s a bit sad, but also kind of prophetic.
Lovely presentation as well.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Hello again Maria... thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from WryWriter
This lovely poem does a great job showing the wonderment felt by children on seeing things for the first time. The ending gives the reader a whole different perspective--bittersweet--innocence meets reality. Something no one escapes.
A suggestion below for your consideration:
The morning seemed so magical.
The earth felt warm and new.
(Since "new" is used in the first stanza "brand-new" as an end rhyme, perhaps change the wording for this end rhyme)
The morning seemed so magical.
The earth felt warm, wind blew.
Enjoyed this poem very much.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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This lovely poem does a great job showing the wonderment felt by children on seeing things for the first time. The ending gives the reader a whole different perspective--bittersweet--innocence meets reality. Something no one escapes.
A suggestion below for your consideration:
The morning seemed so magical.
The earth felt warm and new.
(Since "new" is used in the first stanza "brand-new" as an end rhyme, perhaps change the wording for this end rhyme)
The morning seemed so magical.
The earth felt warm, wind blew.
Enjoyed this poem very much.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Hello WryWriter... Thanks so much for your sage and useful review... yours, diana
Comment from visionary1234
A fun nostalgia piece for this entry! A couple of awkward phrasings here and there (optimistic I'd stay clean - the 'that' is rather missed. I know it would mess up your rhythm, but I had to go back and read it twice, wondering if it was 'optimistic, I'd stay clean' etc ... nice not to have any uncertainty. But the general tone of the piece is really delightful!
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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A fun nostalgia piece for this entry! A couple of awkward phrasings here and there (optimistic I'd stay clean - the 'that' is rather missed. I know it would mess up your rhythm, but I had to go back and read it twice, wondering if it was 'optimistic, I'd stay clean' etc ... nice not to have any uncertainty. But the general tone of the piece is really delightful!
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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thanks for your review and your sage thoughts and observations... yours diana
Comment from Kiera Haley
Keep in mind that I'm an amateur reviewer and you are free to disregard my suggestions as you see fit. This is really cute and I enjoyed the rhyming. I don't love the second use of "new" because it feels like unnecessary repetition used merely for the purpose of rhyme. I really love the part about wallowing and referring to the mother's desire for her to stay clean as "unrequited dreams". One thing I want to suggest is changing the line "lunch, Mom called, just in time" to "called away by the promise of lunch" or "suddenly called away for lunch" or something like that and then taking away the very last line about being saved by the bell. The reason I suggest this is that I feel it might make the ending more ironic by insinuating that she was saved rather than directly pointing it out, if that makes any sense.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Keep in mind that I'm an amateur reviewer and you are free to disregard my suggestions as you see fit. This is really cute and I enjoyed the rhyming. I don't love the second use of "new" because it feels like unnecessary repetition used merely for the purpose of rhyme. I really love the part about wallowing and referring to the mother's desire for her to stay clean as "unrequited dreams". One thing I want to suggest is changing the line "lunch, Mom called, just in time" to "called away by the promise of lunch" or "suddenly called away for lunch" or something like that and then taking away the very last line about being saved by the bell. The reason I suggest this is that I feel it might make the ending more ironic by insinuating that she was saved rather than directly pointing it out, if that makes any sense.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Thanks so much Kiera for you sage suggestions... I really appreciate you and your thoughts... yours, diana
