Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 111 "Chapter Veirunddreissig part eins"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
25 total reviews
Comment from Rhonda Skinner
Excellent writing. It was enjoyable to read and educational. I love the teasing about the pink room and race car bed and the information about the Jewish Sabbath. Well done!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
  |
Excellent writing. It was enjoyable to read and educational. I love the teasing about the pink room and race car bed and the information about the Jewish Sabbath. Well done!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Nice addition here, Barbara, I've learnt some new stuff here as a result. This gives a nice rounding out of Shana's religion and character, also the lengths the family will go to for her. nice.
Shana walked into the den, held a notepad, and both dogs followed. - I think I'd be inclined to use holding a notepad here rather than held. It almost reads like she went in and took one rather than entered with it, if you see what I mean.
I can't decide between these two colors for the main theme in the house." - need opening speech marks here.
She could care less about your money or your power. - couldn't?
I would have thought it would have been fairly easy to have sourced the dessert given they'd already used a Jewish caterer...
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2019
 |
Nice addition here, Barbara, I've learnt some new stuff here as a result. This gives a nice rounding out of Shana's religion and character, also the lengths the family will go to for her. nice.
Shana walked into the den, held a notepad, and both dogs followed. - I think I'd be inclined to use holding a notepad here rather than held. It almost reads like she went in and took one rather than entered with it, if you see what I mean.
I can't decide between these two colors for the main theme in the house." - need opening speech marks here.
She could care less about your money or your power. - couldn't?
I would have thought it would have been fairly easy to have sourced the dessert given they'd already used a Jewish caterer...
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2019
-
I have made the changes. I appreciate your help.
Comment from Graybærd
The mesh of characters works well with each other. I enjoyed reading the part of the chapter where Anderson put together a traditional Sabbath dinner for Shana. It was here, in my opinion, that you characters worked their best with each other, and the conversation flowed well and without hesitation. Now those last three words... I'm going to have to read more.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
|
The mesh of characters works well with each other. I enjoyed reading the part of the chapter where Anderson put together a traditional Sabbath dinner for Shana. It was here, in my opinion, that you characters worked their best with each other, and the conversation flowed well and without hesitation. Now those last three words... I'm going to have to read more.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from rheabug
As always this is a very good post and chapter for your book. I have learned a lot of things that I did not know about the Jewish traditions. I have followed you for years now and it is always a pleasure. I have not reviewed that much lately because of health issues. Thank you for sharing. HUGS
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
|
As always this is a very good post and chapter for your book. I have learned a lot of things that I did not know about the Jewish traditions. I have followed you for years now and it is always a pleasure. I have not reviewed that much lately because of health issues. Thank you for sharing. HUGS
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
-
I truly hope your health has improved and you can be around more often. I've missed you.
Comment from Rob Caudle
A very interesting question about which faith to raise kids in the last chapter. That would require some serious thought.
Anyway, very nice chapter and how sweet of Drew to cater a Jewish dinner for her. As far as the question about whether she'll follow her heart or her faith, I think a mixture of both would have to take place. Isn't your heart tied to your faith? For many, I think, it is one in the same thing.
One thing I noticed was that twice in a short time you wrote that Shana's eyes widened and then both men's eyes widened. You might want to think about changing one of them. Then, the other thing was that the term "little lady." I've heard an awful lot of women who absolutely abhor being called that--lol...probably not a big deal...just a thought.
Cheers!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
|
A very interesting question about which faith to raise kids in the last chapter. That would require some serious thought.
Anyway, very nice chapter and how sweet of Drew to cater a Jewish dinner for her. As far as the question about whether she'll follow her heart or her faith, I think a mixture of both would have to take place. Isn't your heart tied to your faith? For many, I think, it is one in the same thing.
One thing I noticed was that twice in a short time you wrote that Shana's eyes widened and then both men's eyes widened. You might want to think about changing one of them. Then, the other thing was that the term "little lady." I've heard an awful lot of women who absolutely abhor being called that--lol...probably not a big deal...just a thought.
Cheers!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
-
I will work on the 'eyes widened'. I had envisioned Jeff using it as a terms of endearment, but I will rethink it. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
I know this is going to work out. *smile* Who could resist a man who so obviously loves a woman this much?? ha
Some notes:
1.) Shana walked into the den followed by both dogs, holding a note pad.
--> This sentence needs to be reworded, please. At the moment it sounds like the dogs have the notepad. *smile*
2.) We remove the skin, (grind) up the fish
3.) "Our main course is baked chicken and kugel. I know what kugel is, it's a
casserole. Since I didn't make
--> this sounds curious - I would think that our girl, for sure knows what kugel is, so is this the guy interjecting
Thanks - hope this may help a little?
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
|
Barbara,
I know this is going to work out. *smile* Who could resist a man who so obviously loves a woman this much?? ha
Some notes:
1.) Shana walked into the den followed by both dogs, holding a note pad.
--> This sentence needs to be reworded, please. At the moment it sounds like the dogs have the notepad. *smile*
2.) We remove the skin, (grind) up the fish
3.) "Our main course is baked chicken and kugel. I know what kugel is, it's a
casserole. Since I didn't make
--> this sounds curious - I would think that our girl, for sure knows what kugel is, so is this the guy interjecting
Thanks - hope this may help a little?
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
-
I have made the changes. Thank you for the catches. Sorry for the late reply but I needed time to make the changes without making bigger ones.
Comment from Sam Saylor
Crikey you left me on a cliffhanger!!! What kind of explosion? Where? Was it just something innocent in the kitchen or was it the kind of explosions that throws this scene up in the air? Loving it.
The stand up thing in this piece is the banter, the conversation is quite excellent and flows well and I feel like joining this cast of characters as they chat about things that I would assume I would not find interesting but want to know more about anyways. This has to be testament to the writing right? Also, the characters are clearly defined using traits and certain wordings, this is also strong.
I spotted a couple of things that may be nothing but may be worth your consideration. I am not a grammar master nor 100 percent sure of my critique but I noticed it so maybe its relevant.
Here it is.
"Those are really good questions. I hadn't thought of that. Jeff, how about you?" - Im wondering where the questions are being asked. The antagonists states some things, but I actually see no questions. She's wondering about these things but im unsure if this is the most natural reaction you could hit.
he could care less about your money or your power. You just might have met your match." (should it be couldn't care less?)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
 |
Crikey you left me on a cliffhanger!!! What kind of explosion? Where? Was it just something innocent in the kitchen or was it the kind of explosions that throws this scene up in the air? Loving it.
The stand up thing in this piece is the banter, the conversation is quite excellent and flows well and I feel like joining this cast of characters as they chat about things that I would assume I would not find interesting but want to know more about anyways. This has to be testament to the writing right? Also, the characters are clearly defined using traits and certain wordings, this is also strong.
I spotted a couple of things that may be nothing but may be worth your consideration. I am not a grammar master nor 100 percent sure of my critique but I noticed it so maybe its relevant.
Here it is.
"Those are really good questions. I hadn't thought of that. Jeff, how about you?" - Im wondering where the questions are being asked. The antagonists states some things, but I actually see no questions. She's wondering about these things but im unsure if this is the most natural reaction you could hit.
he could care less about your money or your power. You just might have met your match." (should it be couldn't care less?)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the kind review. I will check those areas out.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
I am loving this story!!! You are so very gifted. This was a great chapter in that I learned something about Jewish tradition. I enjoyed that and was pleased with all the detail. You are so good with dialog and setting. You describe the characters so well that I feel I know them personally.
So gifted, you are :) Thanks for sharing!
Gale
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
|
I am loving this story!!! You are so very gifted. This was a great chapter in that I learned something about Jewish tradition. I enjoyed that and was pleased with all the detail. You are so good with dialog and setting. You describe the characters so well that I feel I know them personally.
So gifted, you are :) Thanks for sharing!
Gale
Comment Written 08-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from susand3022
Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basicly sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember.... LEARNING IS EARNING
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2019
|
Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basicly sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember.... LEARNING IS EARNING
Comment Written 08-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2019
-
I want a true review but I also want the reviewer to know what they're talking about. Does that make sense? I often get reviews and when I check out the issues with my numerous books, I find out the reviewer didn't have a clue. I am not sure I am answering your question. I do pay attention to every review I get and like I said, I check out the issues, factually.
-
Hi Barbara, I really liked your new chapter. I have only seen the last two or three now but am starting to get caught up in your story. I really liked the way you talked about the Sabboth dinner, I learned a lot about the traditions of the Jewish culture. I always like learning about something new when I read a book! I didn't notice any errors tonight! Nicely done. :)
Comment from Artasylum
Challah, gefilte fish, Dumplings, Chicken Soup... I'll be over sounds delicious... I'll be right over... again... I love your style and rhythm and character development... yours, diana
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
|
Challah, gefilte fish, Dumplings, Chicken Soup... I'll be over sounds delicious... I'll be right over... again... I love your style and rhythm and character development... yours, diana
Comment Written 07-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
-
Thank you for the encouragement.
